My MOH has no common sense!!! What are your thoughts?

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Posted by mandyandbrian

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Posted by gina409

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Posted by 9509Bride

Funny how nothing is a big deal when it happens to someone else......I am a self proclaimed Showerzilla and proud of it. IMO She is not ungrateful because she took exception with how her invites were handled. Yes, I agree there are bigger things to worry about but clearly this is something that upset her and she choice to voice her opinion on the matter.

A simple phone call could have cleared this issue up. When you agree to be a MOH no you are not the brides slave BUT you do have certain duties, did she not know this? It kills me when people act like you are WRONG for wanting YOUR day and the associated events to be a certain way. This is exactly why I planned my own shower. I am a firm believer in the adage...'if you want something done right, do it yourself.'

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wow

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double wow

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It is what it is.

Am I misreading? Everyone seems to be missing the worst point...

I think the MOH did ask her mom and her mom said NO, don't put her name on it and don't put her number. And the MOH went and did it anyways, thats beyond rude... I would be pissed and if I was her mom I would be pissed.

Unless I am misreading, but if she was asked not to and did it anyways, thats wrong.

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Posted by MLAngelo

Am I misreading? Everyone seems to be missing the worst point...

I think the MOH did ask her mom and her mom said NO, don't put her name on it and don't put her number. And the MOH went and did it anyways, thats beyond rude... I would be pissed and if I was her mom I would be pissed.

Unless I am misreading, but if she was asked not to and did it anyways, thats wrong.

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yeah most of us understand what she is saying. She shouldn't have gone about things the way that she did. Maybe she thought the mother was just saying no as in NO youre throwing the party so it should be you and didnt expect ppl to get mad about it. What most of us are trying to say is that if she is throwing the party then thats alot of work she is already doing and something she doesnt have to do. As you can see most of us had our mothers throw the bridal shower and pay for it all, or the whole bp chipping in. For somebody to throw you a party, its kind of a big deal, well at least to me it is. Not sure if i am misunderstanding but from what it seems, the MOH is the one throwing this party and taking on most of the financial responsibilities. If a friend of mine did this first i would be so touched and although something like this came up, would find a way to get past it, maybe be a bit annoyed but in the end she is doing something she is not obligated to do and would remember that part and not insult her. OP said she is shy and as the host of a party for a shower, most put a number to call and i cant imagine a shy person taking calls from a bunch of women and many probably strangers and having to talk to them, then not only that but she probably figured at the shower she would have to greet everyone and make small talk and she probably got real uncomfortable with that. What she did wrong was that if this was the case, she should've explained the situation and maybe the mother would've understood or they could've come up with a different plan. Not saying she didnt do anything wrong but maybe not to get this mad about bc in the end she is still doing a very generous and nice thing.

Also another thing a lot of us commented on was that having the mother on the invite is not a big deal. Like someone posted above, i also live in Queens and most ppl i know it was the mother who threw the shower, including mine. I also know what tradition says but i also feel in NY a lot of traditions or just the way things are done are different than other places and in NY this is more common. Plus to tell you the truth, i cant even tell you who hosted most showers I attended, don't know if i paid that much attention to that part of the invite lol. We also dont feel like anybody will think she doesn't have friends bc her mother is the host according to the invite, that is something not to get upset about.

She made a mistake, nothing hateful though so maybe just express to her everyones feelings and move past it. For example, what if you alone threw a shower for a friend, paid for it, planned it for her and then you find out that she was saying you had no common sense. This isn't to knock the OP. I know you're upset right now but once the day of your shower comes, i can guarantee none of this will matter and once you see what she has done for you, you won't fixate on this issue anymore. But still talk to her about other things going on, if she isn't returning anyones calls, ask her if she can please communicate with everybody.

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Posted by 9509Bride

Funny how nothing is a big deal when it happens to someone else......I am a self proclaimed Showerzilla and proud of it. IMO She is not ungrateful because she took exception with how her invites were handled. Yes, I agree there are bigger things to worry about but clearly this is something that upset her and she choice to voice her opinion on the matter.

A simple phone call could have cleared this issue up. When you agree to be a MOH no you are not the brides slave BUT you do have certain duties, did she not know this? It kills me when people act like you are WRONG for wanting YOUR day and the associated events to be a certain way. This is exactly why I planned my own shower. I am a firm believer in the adage...'if you want something done right, do it yourself.'

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nobody is saying its not a big deal, but maybe what others are saying comes from experience also and having been mad at someone for something and then feeling bad for it and making a big deal out of something that you later regretted. Listen, everyone can handle their situations however they want, its your life ya know. If it's a big deal to somebody then fine, i won't take that away from them.

Personally, when I give this type of advice its because i was in situations where i was so mad at first and dwelled on it maybe a bit too much. I am glad in some situations i didnt cause a fight or make a huge deal about it bc in the end the person i was mad at for something small ended up doing so much more for me during the planning and was really there for me. If i would've blown up, i would've felt so guilty. Sometimes we find any little thing to be mad at someone, and i think most of us can agree this is true. There are certain ppl during the planning that any little thing they do will set us off and sometimes theres no real reason for us to feel this way. I remember one situation, also had to do with invites, i was so upset and was going to say something. I just ignored the situation for a bit, kinda distanced myself for a little. Then this person turns around and did something so nice for me, i felt horrible after for how i was feeling and looking at this person as well not an enemy bc it wasnt that at all but just someone i was at odds with but in reality it was quite the opposite. Also the planning went along so much better when i wasnt mad at others. So ppl can take the advice however they want, hey go blow up on someone or stay mad, you're the one who has to deal with it and live with it not us. But maybe just trying to save someone the aggravation. You want to look back at this time as a happy and exciting time in your life. When its over, you don't want to look back and realize that most of this time was spent fighting and stressing about things, you'll wish you can go back in time and do things differently and enjoyed it more. I can encourage someone to stay mad but where will that get them? it wont solve the problem, and wont help them at all. They will just get angrier, and the situation won't have changed.

Wow this is the first time one of my post has had so many responses.
First of all, let me clarify something...when I mentioned the 'having no friends' thing, I was venting cuz I was so pissed. The part that upset me the most was that she knew both mom and FH didnt approve of the invites and the fact that she just assumed they would be fine with it and not ask if she could put their name on it. She didnt take into consideration their opinions and mailed them anyways. That is plain rude. Second, my mom is not a MOMZILLA and that post showing 'tough love' was just ridiculous because no where did I even hint of her being anything close to a MOMZILLA. She wouldnt have mind if the invites had MOH name and my moms but why put FH's name, that bothered my mom and also that a friend of mine that has known my mom for over 10 yrs would disrespect her opinion. My mom is contributing to the shower and has no problem taking over as hostess if need be but since my MOH told everyone she would handle the shower my mom didnt want to step over her toes. Wow real MOMZILLA right??? As for me being a BRIDEZILLA, I really wish I was. I always keep things to myself and rarely get into arguments. Ive been so laid back with my BM's that they think something is wrong with ME. Its too bad that you dont know me personally cuz if you did, theres no way in hell you would make that silly comment. But whatever.
Im not sure if Ill tell my MOH anything cuz shes going through a lot right now and I know if I would tell her anything it would really upset her.
I didnt want her to throw me a shower because I knew would be a lot to handle, but she insisted. All my BM's, my mom and FH have offered to help her in planning and have all wanted to contribute but for some reason she has not returned their calls or insists on doing it on her own. That is why her actions shocked us. Just didnt make sense.
As I mentioned earlier, I tend to keep things to myself when Im upset or hurt. I just deal with it on my own and get over it, which is what i'll eventually do with this invitation thing. One of the thngs I liked about this site was that a bride could vent to other brides and not feel scrutinized but I guess I was wrong. Some brides here just dont know how to sympathize. I dont mind opposing opinions but theres a right and wrong way to do it. Either way, I thank all who responded.

I think that you should just let it go. Tell your Mom that you are really sorry and that MOH is going threw stuff and tell FH you are sorry that she did that but shes doing the best she can. I totally understand why you are upset. It seems that the smallest thing can be turned into a huge deal when it comes to wedding planning. I am sorry you are going through all this. Try and think about the day of and how none of this will matter :)
Feel better!

I think the first issue is that from your initial post it just didnt seem clear to ANY of us what was sooo upsetting to you about the situation. I mean all I really got from the post was your MOH has no common sense because she put your mothers and FH's name on the invite as if they were hosting it, and you were INFURIATED by this as well as your mother and FH. And I personally think thats really mean to even say that about your friend, that she has no common sense. Maybe she just didnt know? Maybe this is her first time as a MOH. Maybe try to see her side of it. Maybe she felt REALLY awkward having to talk to all your mothers friends and people she doesnt know on the phone and at a party. There are different levels of shy. Maybe SHE IS that shy, you know her, is she? And to be even more honest I am still not clear why this is SOOO offensive to your FH and mother and you that you are all sooo angry at her.

I think what WE ALL are trying to say is you are losing site of the big picture here. She is THROWING YOU A BRIDAL SHOWER. PERIOD! She is taking on the financial aspect of it, she went out of her way to pick out invites and address them and send them out. Maybe she just assumed your mother and FH wouldnt mind and had sent them without asking for their opinion. I have to say I am baffled by what is so upsetting about that, Im sorry I cant understand so its hard for me to relate and I might have done the same thing. She didnt do anything to be vicious or vindictive or to PURPOSELY hurt you so again we are just trying to tell you to keep that in mind. Something this small shouldnt set you off the way it is, thats why I think there is something else there that bothers you about her. When you have resentment for someone, you have a way shorter fuse for them and you think all their actions are negative.

I think you need to remember that shes your friend who you love. And clearly loves you too. You must love her shes your MOH and you need to remember that =) You know her for over 10 years, your mother knows her for over 10 years, clearly you are very close friends. Remember all the good things about her and the wonderful things shes done and is continuing to do for you. Just dont lose site of that and get mad at some of the small petty things.

And Im sorry that you felt attacked and I agree with the 'tough love' comment being a bit offensive and harsh. There are nice ways to disagree and there are rude ways. I dont think your a bridezilla or anything like that. I think you just need to put things in perspective and just really try to hear what some of us are saying by it really not being such a big deal and that its something to let go of.