I recently got engaged (May 29th) and told my parents of the recent happenings. My mother was furious! She feels that I will be ruining my chances at college and I won't have enough money. Money isn't really an issue because we want a very small wedding, and I'm still going to college. But I know this sounds horrible, but should I still go on with the wedding. I need her support for myself, but not for the benefit of the wedding, and I feel that in time she will accept what is going on and be a part of it. Am I wrong in assuming that? And should I call off the wedding until her feelings for this are sorted out?
july06bride
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
Sounds like you are making a good decision! Your education is worth it
hbradio
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As someone who got married at 10 years older than you I can tell you that the mindset I was in at that time is completely different from the one I am in now.
I think Shorty McBride, DebsNY, and Marymoon are all perfect examples of how there is no reason to rush.
If it is really love it will prove itself no matter geography or distance.
kellwolfe
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
Talk to her ....I am sure that you guys can smooth everything out and this way you will have both! You need your mother and your mother just wants what she feels is best for you .....
tjs
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I hate to sound like a cliche' but....if its meant to be he will be there 4-5 years from now! ..Good luck!
Dom n Nic
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i have to agree with your mom you are 17 years old you still have so much more coming to you go to college..
michele31
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I am going to weigh in on this discuss.....at 17 you do think you are mature. You do think you can make the right decisions. But at 34, looking back very often you find yourself saying 'Holy cow...why on earth did I do that? I thought I knew everything!'. The truth is that if your relationship cannot withstand 1 year of being 6 hours away, then it most likely cannot stand up to marriage. You have A LOT of growing up to do and I don't say that to be mean or unsupportive. In fact at nearly 35 there is still SOOO much I don't know or have not done yet. IMO, when you are in this much of a 'rush' to get married you are doing it out of fear...fear that your life will change in College and your relationship will not last, fear your boyfriend will find someone different to love, fear of what you might find when you are on your own for the first time. Just some things to think about. of course, your mother should NOT support this wedding at 17. And of course, you NEED to make your own decisions.
I just read your response above (sorry I missed it)...good for you!!! You will be okay no matter what happens!!!!
frosty
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
First of all, congratulations on your engagement.
After reading your last response, it sounds like you were open-minded enough to consider the responses from the other brides, which is a good (and mature) way to look at things!
I was a very different person at 17 than I was at 23 or even 28. Sometimes it is hard to hear from someone 'older' because we all like to think we have it all figured out (trust me, I'm 38 and don't have it all figured out yet! ).
After reading your initial posts, it did sound like you were marrying your FH out of fear, which as Red noted, is not a good reason to get married. I'm glad you could acknowledge that you had those feelings.
As some of the other ladies mentioned, if it is meant to be, you and FH will still be together 4 or 5 years from now.
To give you some perspective, I'm getting married for the first time at age 38. Yes, I am significantly older than most of the first-time brides here. FH and I have been together 8 1/2 years. The first 6 months of our relationship we were LD. LD relationships can work, but they are not easy.
Good luck to you.
lreigada
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
I think waiting for now is a good decision. My FH and I dated for 9 years before getting engaged and I am thankful for that time. I have grown into a woman over the years and have changed who I am and what I want. Now I know for sure this is the right descision for us. What seems perfect in H.S. is not necessarily what you will want or need 10 years from now. If it is meant to be it will. Facing adversity (i.e. distance, change, college) will make you stronger. Becoming married will not solve anything! The problems will still be there. In the end, I would want to make the decision of marriage because I felt completely sure that I wanted to move into the next phase of my life with developing a family and home. I wish you the best.
LMFitz
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
After reading through all the responses, and your decision, I applaud you for thinking this through and not acting on emotion. The only thing I have to add is that while it may feel like a long time, you have soooooo much living to do in those years, that it will fly like you can't even imagine! I'm sure I speak for a lot of ladies when I say that I'd love to replay my 19, 20 and 21-year old days!
Have fun! With FI emotionally by your side, you'll be creating memories that will last forever! You don't have to be together to enjoy each other!
twisted762006
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Thank you so much for the insight. I am really beginning to see things clearly. I know this whole LD thing will be rough, but worth it in the end from what many of you have said. I plan on talking to my FH tonight and my mother first thing tomorrow. It's nice to know that I also have people who have had the same problems as I am facing now, and that I have someone to talk to when things get rough. Thank you again for all your opinions and helping me to see that what I was doing wasn't the best thing. Somehow, I know everything will work out for the best, regardless of the outcome, and no matter how hard. It still isn't my first and what I thought my best option, but I feel this may work out
twisted762006
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
And hopefully tomorrow's post will be a good report on how these discussions go for me. Thank you again for your support and your words of wisdom.
marymoon
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Posted by twisted762006
And hopefully tomorrow's post will be a good report on how these discussions go for me. Thank you again for your support and your words of wisdom.
Best of Luck. Please let us all know!
meredith24
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
I started dating my FH when i was 15. He asked me to his senior prom when i was in 10th grade. We have been together since. When i was just about 19 i had our daughter, i had just finished my first year of college, but we had enough on our plates and decided to wait to get married so that we can have the wedding we always wanted. Boy am i glad we waited, we needed to grow up before we got married. So i have been in your place and my suggestion is to have a long engagement. He isnt going anywhere and neither are you, so enjoy each other, do fun things, and finish school. You are already engaged so why rush into it.
Pmpkn087
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
I met my FH at 17 also, and now, 7 years later I am getting married. If he is the person you are meant to be with, you will grow together and when you have your life settled, steady jobs, etc, THEN you should take the plunge.
JPC1125
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
Seems like there are alot of ladies on her- including myself- who met their fiance's young and waited
I for one waited 7 years for my ring - we lived together for one full year before he popped the question and we are so close.
If its meant to be- time and distance will not have an impact on your future.
Stay engaged...enjoy wearing the ring...and know that you are going to marry a great guy
JPC1125
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PMPKN087!!!
We are getting married the same day too...besides having similar stories about waiting 7 years for our e-rings!!!
germai68
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
Posted by twisted762006
And hopefully tomorrow's post will be a good report on how these discussions go for me. Thank you again for your support and your words of wisdom.
It sounds like you are making a great decision. You will have plenty of time for marriage. Make the most of your college career and enjoy it as a single woman. College is such a great experience and a place to truly find yourself. Being married can make that all the more difficult.
Kelly9904
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I just wanted to say that you cant even imagine how valuable your relationship with your mother is! I recently lost my mom. Growing up we werent very close but by about 18 that began changing! For the past 8 years she was my best friend I told her everything! I lost here 3 months into my marriage and I cant explain how much I miss her! I am talking from the point of, knowing having someone to help me learn how to be a wife and how to deal with fighting with your DH which is different than fighting with your BF or FI., or cooking or feeling overwhelmed with all the responsibility, etc
I would personally not risk my relationship with her! If her reasoning for being against the wedding wasnt valid that would be another story! But in all honesty all she wants is more for you than she had! That is just about every parents dream for their kids!
Also on a side note I had a LD relationship with Dh for 2 years! It TOTALLY made us a much stronger couple! The trust and communication we developed in those 2 years are why we are together today! And we really got to know each other so well, talking on the phone, emails etc! Marriage is great but its not the fairy tale we all believe it to be! Its work and the foundation that you develop early on will be so worth it in the end!
Good Luck~
cocoa
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
sweetie...please wait. You and your fh will most certainly change over time. everyone changes and sometimes, who you were at 17, no matter how much you like who you were, you will be a different person in 6 years. the thing is this...will he still be that complimentary person to you? life offers so much in college and the few years that follow. i know you love your fh, but it will get stronger if you wait.
at the same time, you need to do what is right for you, what feels right in your gut. but responsibilities of marriage are huge and often overwhelming. and that is for someone who is in their late 20's. before you do anything, go with your fh and see a marriage counselor. there are things you need to talk about and agree upon befor eyou get married. how will you raise your children? how will you handle money? how do you argue? what will you do when you can't pay your bills? how will things be when you are both stressed with finals and yet, the rent is due? marriage doesn't always keep people together. but good luck!
SPITSBRIDE
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Re: My mother doesn't agree with the wedding
All I have to say is, you are way too young to get married! You have a whole life ahead of you. Marriage is not a joke or should not be taken lightly for that matter. It seems as though your using marriage as an excuse. Most of us here have at least 10 years on you. 10 years ago I wasn't even thinking about marriage but you have to do what is best for you. All we can do here is just offer advice it's your choice to take it. I just think you should really think about this before you make a lifetime commitment at such a young age...maybe waiting until the year 2009 isn't that bad after all.
