My personal housing situation

Wow, I cannot believe that some of you think I am in a homeless shelter to pay for a wedding. I am really not going to get into it, but you could not be in a homeless shelter unless you really needed to be in it. My whole family, including my aunt and uncle, were interviewed. It was a long process to even get to the shelter I am in living in now. The $10,000- student loans!! I have to pay that back, ladies!! I took the loans since they offered thenm to me. If I had $10,000 in the bank I would never have been helped. I really donot even look at the money as mine and I am not using the whole thing for the wedding. Personally, I expected some of the remarks I received, but some of them felt like attacks and were based on assumptions. YEah, I really went through all that bull$hit so I can have the wedding of my dreams. C'mon!!!! WHy would I subject my son to that!!! As far as my FH not working, that is my problem and really it is not much of a problem because I got his back. He is taking care of business and left a minimum wgae job that treated him like $hit. He has his associate's and is going back to school in September. Honestly, I am really hurt that some of you took it like a joke. I really am looking forward to this wedding, as low-budget as it is. All I wanted was some advice, not criticism.
But thanks to all the ladies that were supportive and gave me some good advice. I appreciated it.

the system *****, I am aware of that. I'm really sorry that you're in the situation that you're in, I know that no one wants to be living in a shelter.

I think that you reaching out to folks here on LIW is great! you're clearly trying to improve your status. But in my humble opinion, you should shelve the whole wedding business until after you're settled in a place. This way you can focus 100% on 1 thing at a time.

Good luck to you!!

You really should just stop now.

I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT believe you are even CONSIDERING having even a SMALL wedding, when you go to bed at night amongst strangers in a homeless shelter. You have your son to take care of, and you give a rats *** about a wedding? You are one selfish person.


And your 10 grand in the bank could be used to get yourself an apartment. You HAVE money to get on your feet, you are just choosing not to, because my tax dollars are taking care of you just fine.

Youre taking space up in a shelter for someone who REALLY needs it, you dont.

I have to walk away from this post because I am getting more and more aggravated as I think about it.

OK Amanda, I'm sorry that you got some responses that were not so kind to you, but they are valid and they come from people who luckily can count their blessings and cannot imagine your situation. A 100% practical and sensical answer would mean fixing your housing situation first, thinking about a wedding later. Yes, there are times when life makes you feel like it's all a big joke, like that can't really be your life...but always remember God. I don't want to sound preachy, but you definitely should to Him - ask Him to help, to clear up your mind, to show you the path. It's true that they system kind of stinks...the homeless can't get shelters permanently because they need an address, the shelter dwellers can't get housing through NYCHA because they make more than $9,000 a year (and really, what's that in the real world?), kids end up in Foster Care because their parents can't afford to have them...it's a vicious, sad and scary circle. But I pray that you'll be able to overcome it, that you'll get permanent housing and are able to celebrate the way you have always dreamed. But I still stand by what I originally said, get your apartment first, do the wedding later. Your child should ALWAYS come first. Prioritize, everything will fall into place. I wish you the best!

I do not think you are taking advantage of the system. I am impressed that you are finishing up school and your fh wants to go back to school. I know many people do take advantage of the system and this messes it up for people who are really trying to get back on their feet. Now that I know that, that money is student loan money I would definately not spend a penny of it. Pay it back to the government so you don't have that debt. I would encourage your fh to find a job that is better then minimum wage...there are tons of employment agencies that are wonderful and they pay is surprisingly high. FM me if you want any help with finding a job. I am more then willing to put out some feelers for both you and fh.
As far as a wedding goes. You obviously cannot afford a wedding.....but I am wondering if financially you can get married....wouldn't you lose your government aid? If you lose that aid I would wait to get married and just focus on getting both of you employed and keeping your child healthy and happy.
Marriage will come to you in time.
Stay positive and don't let people get you down...Life sometimes has twists and turns not all of us are in the same boat your success will come with time...just stay positive

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Posted by Kris77

You really should just stop now.

I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT believe you are even CONSIDERING having even a SMALL wedding, when you go to bed at night amongst strangers in a homeless shelter. You have your son to take care of, and you give a rats *** about a wedding? You are one selfish person.


And your 10 grand in the bank could be used to get yourself an apartment. You HAVE money to get on your feet, you are just choosing not to, because my tax dollars are taking care of you just fine.

Youre taking space up in a shelter for someone who REALLY needs it, you dont.

I have to walk away from this post because I am getting more and more aggravated as I think about it.

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Thank you! Well said!

Sorry that you are not getting the nicest responses- you have to take the good with the bad when you put something out there for so many people to see and respond to.

hope you feel better

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Posted by arosa

The $10,000- student loans!! I have to pay that back, ladies!! I took the loans since they offered thenm to me. If I had $10,000 in the bank I would never have been helped. I really donot even look at the money as mine and I am not using the whole thing for the wedding.

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Are you even allowed to use student loans for something other than school?

Are you even allowed to use student loans for something other than school?

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They do send you a check sometimes but that money has to be paid to the school. If the school isn't getting it how are you still going there?

One more thing, Why do you have student loans??? Dont you need to have a job and good credit to get a loan? When you don't have money you basically go to school for free, the state gives you financial aid.

I am sorry, i am just having a hard time believing this whole story. It really doesn't add up.

I'm sort of confused aout the $10K and the student loans too. Is that how you're paying for school in the fall?

Anyway I said on the other post, taking ti at face value, if you and FH each have $10K, I don't see why you can't use the $10K one of you has to secure a year of housing, and then part of the 2nd $10K to have a small celebration.

If not, just head to city hall, get married there, and plan a big reception for a few years from now

As in the last post, I totally sympathize with you. But I agree with the other ladies, that you really should try to get an apartment. I went through a similar experience a couple of years back. I had no where to go and I cant tell you how close I was to having to go to a shelter. Luckily my cousin let me crash with her for a month. In that one month I found myself a $600 studio, and although it wasnt much, it was my home.
So now I just want to ask you, what happens right after the wedding? Your on a natural high, your wedding is just winding down. The guests are leaving and it seems everyone had a good time. Then what? Take your wedding dress off and head back to the shelter? You just shelled out all that money for a couple of hours of enjoyment just to go back to your reality.
Please reconsider all of this. Get married through a JOP, and have your wedding when its feasible. Not only do you owe that to your son, you owe it to yourself.

As I said yesterday, we all want to have that special day but we also need to think on what are our priorities are.
Right now the most important thing for you and your beautiful little boy should be getting into a more stable environment.
Remember as parents, we have put what we want aside for a while to make sure that our kids have what they need.
Your time will come but this is something that you have to come into tems.
Good luck, and I wish you all the best.

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Posted by dita531

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Posted by Kris77

You really should just stop now.

I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT believe you are even CONSIDERING having even a SMALL wedding, when you go to bed at night amongst strangers in a homeless shelter. You have your son to take care of, and you give a rats *** about a wedding? You are one selfish person.


And your 10 grand in the bank could be used to get yourself an apartment. You HAVE money to get on your feet, you are just choosing not to, because my tax dollars are taking care of you just fine.

Youre taking space up in a shelter for someone who REALLY needs it, you dont.

I have to walk away from this post because I am getting more and more aggravated as I think about it.

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Thank you! Well said!

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Thank you too, i agree, well said!!!

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Posted by BriBri529

I am so sorry that some people are choosing to be so mean and nasty in making their points. Everyone wants a wedding, but don't you think it is wiser to use the money you hsve in loans to get you into an apartment. I don't think you really even need to spend 5,000 on a small wedding. If you want to get married and celebrate the occassion, I would plan the smallest celebration possible. A small guest list, a backyard . . . Why not just wait until you are on your feet and plan for the wedding of your dreams . . . Good luck- you deserve to have everything you have dreamed of, it just might be a better choice for the well being of you and your family to put the wedding celebration on hold

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Thank God there are people that are sensitive to other people's unfortunate circumstances. I agree 100% with this post and think that even though you would love (just like every one else) to have a beautiful wedding, now might not be the right time. Focus on getting your family together first and then your wedding after. Planning a wedding is stressful enough even while living in a comfortable home. Stay strong and persevere. Life is full of ups and downs. Today for me and tomorrow for you

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Posted by Danielle2207


Are you even allowed to use student loans for something other than school?

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They do send you a check sometimes but that money has to be paid to the school. If the school isn't getting it how are you still going there?

One more thing, Why do you have student loans??? Dont you need to have a job and good credit to get a loan? When you don't have money you basically go to school for free, the state gives you financial aid.

I am sorry, i am just having a hard time believing this whole story. It really doesn't add up.

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kind of besides the point- but when I had student loans they would give me 3k extra each semester for living expenses...not sure if that's what she means...