Re: My situation just exploded with FMIL...**update with EMAIL**
Posted by Colette
I'll have to fall in on the majority with this one. I thought FMIL's email was lucid and rational - just stating the financial facts. I wouldn't want anyone I love to go into debt in order to 'do the right thing' by me. I also agree with the others who consider an e-party entirely OPTIONAL. From the guest's perspective its kind of a pain in the a**, to be frank. I have a large family and we do a congratulatory dinner at the parent's homes. Its just a gesture, not a full out party with djs and favors, etc...
While engaged, we ask our friends and family to shell out a LOT of $$$$, and a LOT of effort on our behalf. If the e-party can be done easily and without putting any one out, go for it. If its a burden to ANYONE, I say skip it. Of course your friends and family are happy for you both - and an e-party isn't required to show that.
You have over 2 years until the big day so a compromise might be...
1) to wait until next year, a bit closer to the wedding, when the financial pressure of the holidays and the new year is eased on fmil and everyone else
2)skip it altogether, save the money toward the wedding
3)scale down to a small party you and FH pay for and organize yourselves (i.e. with complete control of guest list)....
Its been said before but bears repeating, your engagement is a BEAUTIFUL time in your life which you want to look back on and have great memories of... Finding the compromise now that works for you will help that happen!!!
Good luck to you, hope it all works out!!!!
I agree. However, it sounds like an e-party is very important to you. What has been bought/booked/committed to so far? Can you change your plans?
I think you and FH should sit down with his parents in person (emails are easily misconstrued) and tell them that you both were not on the same page. Whatever FMIL wants to contribute would be welcome and appreciated, but you'd like to know what that will be ($$$ wise) so you can plan accordingly. THEN MAKE THIS THE PARTY *YOU* (YOU = YOU AND FH) WANT!!!
Pick a place you are happy with, food you are happy with, and prioritize so you have what is most important to you.
I did have an e-party. It was a sit-down luncheon at an italian restaurant (amazing food) with unlimited wine/beer. balloon centerpieces. no DJ (restaurant asked if I wanted to bring my own music but I said the low-key italian music they had is fine). cake was included, and a family friend who owns a Carvel made us a special cake. We did small favors. Everyone had a wonderful time!
I'm blown away when I hear about e-parties that are like mini-weddings (a hall, a DJ, a florist, major favors, gowns, etc). Even if I was OK with spending that kind of money on an e-party, I think it takes away from the wedding! I want the wedding to be amazing, and I don't think my luncheon took away from that. It was a chance for FH to meet more of my extended family and family friends -- we live OOT at the moment -- and celebrate!
FM me if you want..
