Name Change

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Posted by jax1023

Me! My FH's last name also rhymes with my first name. So I'll just be keeping my own last name.

I won't be all like insane about it or anything, demanding that when we have children their friends call me Mrs. Maidenname, but for work and all, my name is clearly not changing. Doesn;t mean were not married.

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My cousin did this, she runs a fundraising firm (i don't know how else to describe it) in Atlanta and has made countless contacts as Ms. Smith...when she got married, she didn't bother changing her name (as the name of her company is 'The Smith Group' as well)...but on xmas cards and such, she uses his name. I am not sure if she legally changed it or not.

If I ever suggested mixing names with FH, he'd give me the look...not that i want to...my last name is hideous so I am thrilled to change it!

I was honored to take my DH's last name. We are a family and IMHO, there was no decision to be made

I think I will be keeping my last name because if I do change it to the FH's last name..it would be changing only 1 LETTER!! Also in our language, our last names are written and said exactly the same way. How coincidental is that!

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Posted by afrodyt2000

well first of all, my fh and I discussed the name change issue and I decided to take his name mainly because I want everyone in the family to have the same last name (he, our future children and me). That is important to me since growing up my mom, sister and I had different names. I consider myself a feminist in most ways but the point of the feminist movement was CHOICE not doing away with every tradition that came before the movement. If you don't want to change your name, don't, it's not that complicated.

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Thats the same reason I am taking my FH last name.. I hated that my mom, sis and I had different last names. Kids would ask why do you have a different last name from your sis etc.. can you say I am traumatized.

ETA: To the original poster, do what feels right for you and what you are most comfortable with, but take into consideration FH feelings as he should be understanding of yours. Hope you can reach a happy medium

I am taking my Fi last name...

I am not changing mine. when i first brought it up he got offended, then he slowly saw my point, and (oddly) now he thinks its wierd for a woman to change her name! he did a complete 180.

You really have to talk it out calmy, express your point of you w/o making it seem like his is dumb or sexist (you dont want to offend him for wanting you to take his name!) and slowly he should get it. after all, it is your name!

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Posted by SuzanaS

I think that you should come to a decision together. Society is changing. You should do what makes you happy. I am keeping my last name and taking his. I don't want to hyphanate really, but i refuse to give up my name! Its part of who I am, especially for my career. I was born with, and out with it I will go! lol. Another reason is to hold on to my herirage! I don't want people assuming that I am something that I am not. My fiancee understands all these reasons and supports them.

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I feel exactly the same way you do! I am keeping my last name and adding his. I am who I am and I don't wanna change that! He is coming into my life so he is an addition to who I am....It is 2006! Times have changed!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

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Posted by LaurenF

It's not that my fiance doesn't support me keeping my last name----i just don't understand why it's totally out of hte question for him to consider taking mine, or to combine the two. i just don't understand why in today's day, it's still assumed that the woman should take her husband's last name. granted, i alone am not going to change tradition, but it's just interesting to think that this is not even an issue for guys.

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well combining names is hard for most people. it's just too different from the norm, suddenly there is no stability name-wise, so i see his point with that one. and he doesnt want to take yours for the same reason you dont want to change yours!! the best compromise is for both of you to keep your original last names.

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Posted by afrodyt2000

well first of all, my fh and I discussed the name change issue and I decided to take his name mainly because I want everyone in the family to have the same last name (he, our future children and me). That is important to me since growing up my mom, sister and I had different names. I consider myself a feminist in most ways but the point of the feminist movement was CHOICE not doing away with every tradition that came before the movement. If you don't want to change your name, don't, it's not that complicated.

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nicely said...

I am going to hyphenate my name for work because I have worked hard to get to where I am and don't want people to not be able to find me or my name on the internet, but legally I will be changing my name...

I am actually excited about having a different last name - I'm not sure why...

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by afrodyt2000

well first of all, my fh and I discussed the name change issue and I decided to take his name mainly because I want everyone in the family to have the same last name (he, our future children and me). That is important to me since growing up my mom, sister and I had different names. I consider myself a feminist in most ways but the point of the feminist movement was CHOICE not doing away with every tradition that came before the movement. If you don't want to change your name, don't, it's not that complicated.

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nicely said...

I am going to hyphenate my name for work because I have worked hard to get to where I am and don't want people to not be able to find me or my name on the internet, but legally I will be changing my name...

I am actually excited about having a different last name - I'm not sure why...

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I see this happen a lot whenever a name-change thread pops up. I dont think she is putting down anyone for changing their name or saying they are old-fashioined. I think choice is the key, we have the choice now whether to change or not. BUt she doesnt want to change, and her FH wants her to. am i correct?

so she's just asking for some advice. good for you if you want to change yours! but back to her question on what to do with fh...

I never considered not changing my name. I like my last name but his is a great name too. My sisters changed their names to long, hard to pronounce names so I consider myself lucky.

I'm actually slowly changing how people use my first name, and what I tell people my first name is. Since my new last name will have only one syllable and everyone calls me Trish, I'm slowly changing things to Tricia instead. It sounds better as 2 syllables and one syllable.

I changed my last name to DH's. But, since there aren't very many people left with my maiden name, I dropped my middle name and took my maiden name as my middle name. I also did this b/c DH's step mom has the same name as me!

Anyway, DH's sister and her husband chose to have him change his name. She was pregnant when they got married and said she wanted their baby to have her last name, he decided he wanted to have the same last name as his child, so he changed it. His parents FREAKED and they really aren't over it and it has been a year.

But do what makes you happy. A rhyming last name isn't the WORST thing ever, is it?

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Posted by clarity

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by afrodyt2000

well first of all, my fh and I discussed the name change issue and I decided to take his name mainly because I want everyone in the family to have the same last name (he, our future children and me). That is important to me since growing up my mom, sister and I had different names. I consider myself a feminist in most ways but the point of the feminist movement was CHOICE not doing away with every tradition that came before the movement. If you don't want to change your name, don't, it's not that complicated.

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nicely said...

I am going to hyphenate my name for work because I have worked hard to get to where I am and don't want people to not be able to find me or my name on the internet, but legally I will be changing my name...

I am actually excited about having a different last name - I'm not sure why...

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I see this happen a lot whenever a name-change thread pops up. I dont think she is putting down anyone for changing their name or saying they are old-fashioined. I think choice is the key, we have the choice now whether to change or not. BUt she doesnt want to change, and her FH wants her to. am i correct?

so she's just asking for some advice. good for you if you want to change yours! but back to her question on what to do with fh...

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If you read the original post, you'll see that she stated that women need to take a stand on this issue etc. my point is that this is not necessary, if you want to change it, change it, if not don't. She also says that the couple should choose which name is better or find a combination of names, if you want to do that, once again, go for it. However if some of us want to change our name or hypenate, I don't consider myself a sheep just following the flock and if you read my post, you'll see that I stated that my fh and I discussed it and I thought about it and decided I wanted everyone in our family to carry the same name. She's asking for advice in your opinion, in mine I don't see it since she listed SEVERAL viable options that she had brought up to her fh and he does not like them or they could not agree.

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Posted by afrodyt2000

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Posted by clarity

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

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Posted by afrodyt2000

well first of all, my fh and I discussed the name change issue and I decided to take his name mainly because I want everyone in the family to have the same last name (he, our future children and me). That is important to me since growing up my mom, sister and I had different names. I consider myself a feminist in most ways but the point of the feminist movement was CHOICE not doing away with every tradition that came before the movement. If you don't want to change your name, don't, it's not that complicated.

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nicely said...

I am going to hyphenate my name for work because I have worked hard to get to where I am and don't want people to not be able to find me or my name on the internet, but legally I will be changing my name...

I am actually excited about having a different last name - I'm not sure why...

---

I see this happen a lot whenever a name-change thread pops up. I dont think she is putting down anyone for changing their name or saying they are old-fashioined. I think choice is the key, we have the choice now whether to change or not. BUt she doesnt want to change, and her FH wants her to. am i correct?

so she's just asking for some advice. good for you if you want to change yours! but back to her question on what to do with fh...

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If you read the original post, you'll see that she stated that women need to take a stand on this issue etc. my point is that this is not necessary, if you want to change it, change it, if not don't. She also says that the couple should choose which name is better or find a combination of names, if you want to do that, once again, go for it. However if some of us want to change our name or hypenate, I don't consider myself a sheep just following the flock and if you read my post, you'll see that I stated that my fh and I discussed it and I thought about it and decided I wanted everyone in our family to carry the same name. She's asking for advice in your opinion, in mine I don't see it since she listed SEVERAL viable options that she had brought up to her fh and he does not like them or they could not agree.

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I'm not here to start an argument with you. i read the post, and she said she needs to take a stand, and her stand is that she doesnt want to change her name. she didnt say ALL women need to take a stand by not changing their names. of course she has options, but all the posts on this site do. everyone is always asking for advice, jsut like she is, and I dont think its nice to presume she is putting everyone who doesnt want to change their name down, and to say 'its not that hard.'
again, i dont think you are party of the flock or whatnot. i respect everyone's decision, to change, not to change, whatever, but i really didnt read her post as putting people down.

this has happened before, even to me on anotehr site. i stated that i dont want to change my name and im tired of people judging me for it, and everyone jumped down my throat about how its their choice not to, blah blah. yes, i know that, and i never said im judging you for not doing so, but if i dont want to, that's my stand. i dont see why it always becomes so antagonistic.

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Posted by afrodyt2000

Clarity: she said and I quote 'I think WOMEN need to take a stand...' so that was why I posted what I did. I don't think it's that hard because I don't! If you want to change, good. If you don't just as good. I could care less if people do or don't, I'm taking my maiden name as my middle name because I like it better than my current middle name. Dear please understand, I'm graduating fom law school in 20-something days, I read things critically and respond as carefully as I can, I have no need to antagonize anyone, I really don't care about board drama that much. She asked if anyone is not changing their name, I commented that I am and my reasoning for it, how we came to that decision etc. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy that is all that really matters!

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fine, so we both agree people should do what they want. and no board drama.

and yes, WOMEN need to take a stand. she is taking one by not changing her name and being firm with her fiance on that, and you are takign one by changing yours. great for CHOICE.

btw, dear, i am graduating law school as well, so i am also capable of thinking critically.