Name change dilemma!!! Help!!!

Hey Ladies
Just wanted to throw this out there!

My FH and I have been talking about his last name lately. When we initially started dating and talking about marriage, I was so gunho about changing my last. At the time I felt that since my biological father hadn't raised me, that I was going to drop my last name with noooo problem when I got married. However, things have changed, and I have had a change of heart. I have always had trouble and a problem with change and seperation. I now feel that my last name is apart of who I am, it's a part of my identity and dropping it after my wedding is not really what I want to do. So my FH and I had a discussion about it. Of course he didn't take it well, nor did he understand my point of view. What I told him was that I was willing to hyphenate, but he was happy about it. He would prefer that I just take his last name. The thing is my FH was adopted. He was given the opportunity to be raised by wonderful and loving parents. Upon completion of his adoption, his parents changed his name. He take pride and loves his name.. I don't blame him, I mean, I get his point. But I don't feel like he understands me.. So his father past away about 2 yrs ago or so. So this topic is so sensitive. I don't want to disrespect him or his loved ones and it's not like i'm not takin his name, I mean all I want to do is hyphenate. Now everytime we bring it up, he looks really sad and bothered by it. I mean is not like I don't want to take his last name, I really do, in fact, I'd be honored to. I would like to be able to have the same name of our future children as, but all I want to do is hyphenate it. So he's really not a happy camper. I'm torn, I don't know what to do.. I know we have time, and I'm sure we will continue to discuss it. I'd really want him to understand where i'm coming from. I think, I initially spoke out of anger, and was more upset with my biological father not be there for me which was why I was willing to drop my last name. However with much thought. I realize, I just can't...... this is who I am you know.... this is me.... I'd have to change all or most of my documents. I mean I'd feel like I would be erasing a part of me.... Ughhhh i'm sooo torn, I don't know what to do.....

Any suggestions?? Are any of you going through this samething?? What are you guys choosing to do regarding last name and why???

I didn't hyphenate, I spaced the names. So I have two last names with a space between them.

I just use his name, though. But my driver's license has both names on it and stuff so I always have the option of going by either. Most of my credit cards and stuff just have his last name.

It wasn't an easy decision for me either since I'm 30 and felt 'established' to some degree as myself, but I'm very happy I took his name.

I had a friend once tell me she just couldn't deal with her children having different last names from her, and I agree with that.

You are going to have to think about it a while longer (and you certainly have another year and a half to do so) and make your decision closer to when you're going to get your marriage license. Don't bring it up for a while, though, since it's still a sore spot for your FH. Take your time and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

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Posted by Iluvpoodles

Me, personally if it meant that much to him, I would change my name. You are still the same person even though you're last name is different.

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ITA!

I am keeping my name professionally but changing to his on my personal documents. However, I am not doing it all at once. My passport will continue to be in my maiden name until it expires, as will my driver's license, notary license, etc.

I will be know socially as Mrs. M___ but professionally still as Ms. S_______.

You need to find a solution that works for you. This works for us because I am an older bride (41) who is already established in my career and I own some assets from before I met FH.

Good luck.

I understand your dilema. I am probably going to keep my last name and use it as a second middle name. I will use FH's last name professionally and personally, but I do not want to completely drop mine.

My FH is comfortable with this decision. I know he would be hurt if i didn't take his last name.

Good luck!