I guess I am in the minority here but I do not think $300 is that much to have to contribute for a shower when you are a BM. Perhaps you can just not get her a gift and explain to her after the fact why. I do think when you accept to be a BM there is a financial obligation that comes along with it.
ETA: Maybe you can cut down on favors, invites, etc.. or offer to make them and save $$ that way.
BlondeJD
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Re: Need Advice
When is the shower going to be? Maybe since it's not for awhile, you can save up a little bit? Are you sure she isn't pushing for this because it's what the bride really wants?
You don't necessarily have to spend $1200 to have a nice shower though I don't think $200-300 per BM is completely excessive (but it also depends on each person's financial situation, of course). Is someone's house available to use? It could be cheaper to have it at someone's house but then pay to have really nice food brought in. But, like other girls have said, it's definitely expensive to be in a wedding.
AJsMommy122
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Re: Need Advice
Can the brides mother help you out???
Why don't you offer to chip in what you can afford and help do other things to save money... like make the invitations yourself! That way you are making eveyone else's load a little lighter and are doing the best that you can.
akaMrsT
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Re: Need Advice
Posted by HelpAGirlOut
I'm a regular poster, but I need to be anonymous for this because who knows who's lurking.
One of my friends is getting married early next year. I'm a BM. We've recently started planning her shower and one of her other BMs is kind of making my life miserable. This BM wants to throw a $1200 shower!! Split 4 ways that's $300 each! Between the shower... the BMgowns ($200-300 with alterations), matching shoes, hair and a wedding gift, (not to mention an out-of-town bachelorette party) this wedding will cost me around $1000 at least!
I have mortgage payments, bills, 2 other weddings and a wedding of my own to pay for. I just can't afford this! But the BM is insisting we do the expensive shower to show the bride how much we love and appreciate her. I keep telling her the budget is too high and I have a lot of financial responsibilites, but she just blows it off!
I'm so stressed and angry and hurt and poor that I am thinking about pulling out of the bridal party.
What should I do?
You should speak up as should the other BM's and let her know you can't afford $300 each. You need to pay your mortgage and other bills. This person can't expect you to put yourself in a finaicial bind just to be in a friend's wedding.
I think $300 is alot to contribute to a shower if you are a BM. You already have to buy a dress you likely won't wear again ($200 - $300 with alterations), shoes ($ - $$$$), help plan & finance the shower ($300), hair and nails is there is a certain style & color the bride wants ($ - $$$$), help plan and finance the bachelorette party & then give a wedding gift of ($200 - $500) depending on if you bring a date to the wedding.
And God forbid you are an OOT BM, tack on airfare (or gas and travel expenses to drive) & a hotel (if you can't crash with family or friends in the area).
