Hi Girls, I don't post on here very often. But wanted you advice on this. What is proper etiquette when addressing the outside envelopes for your invites? The reason why I'm asking is we sent our invites out. One of our members of the bridal party's girlfriend got very offended that we put Mr. Smith and Guest. And what ended up happening is she said she won't come to the wedding and he backed out of the wedding party!! I don't think we were wrong in what we did.
-Rachel-
soon2bmrsdunn
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I don't understand. Was she offended that you didn't write Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones?
TnOiOnL
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she MAJORLY over reacted.. Im pretty sure you were right in putting 'and guest'..
if someone will back out bc of something as silly as that, youre probably better off... im sorry! good luck
carolinebr
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Is she a new girlfriend? Or have they been together a long time? If it is a couple that has been together a while and I know the GF/BF's full name, I think I'll have it put on there but if not, I think 'and guest' is fine.
Seems a little extreme to drop out of a wedding over it.
Future Mrs.
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What you did is totally proper etiquette. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. How well do you know this girl? Is she a very close friend? Perhaps she got offended that you didn't use her name? Here is what I think.......I think she saw the envelope, and got nervous that it was addressed as 'guest' giving him the option to bring someone else.....other than her. She jumped to conclusions, got upset, they had a big fight.....and he wanted to prove to her that he would never do that and that is how this whole mess came about. There is more to this......you did nothing wrong.
MnM52607
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I've been with FH for almost 5 years. And I hated when people did that to me, especially if they knew my name. But I would never say I wasn't going. And I wouldn't make FH back out of the wedding.
If it's someone they just started dating, then I'd say and guest is fine. But if they've been with this person for a while and you know their name, then you should put their name on the invitation as well.
AlmostKulak
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Do you put & guest on the outer envelope at all?? I thought you put & guest on the inner envelope?? If you know her name, I think it should have been Mr. so and so & Miss so and so if they live together. If they do not live together I would think it should have only been addressed to him, with her first name or & guest on the inner! Sorry so confusing!
Espo22
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Hmmm thats a bit dramatic...Yes if a couple has been together for a while then it would be right to put their SO's name on the invite. BUT to not even go and him drop out is a bit much...FH received an invitation to wedding that was addressed and guest after we were engaged...Yeah it bothered me a bit bc how hard is it to get someones name, but i got over it right away, and just let it go.
dplehat
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She over reacted and you did nothing wrong. I received a wedding invite last year to me and guest and they knew fh and I were engaged and that I would be bringing fh. But they were formal invites so no fh was not on the outside envelope. And yes fh hand I do live together and still neithe rone of us took offence to it. It is just how things are done. If it really upsets you call her and explain it to her but if not you just saved the price of 2 plates. good luck and sorry she reacted so badly
Kathryn
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I will say this.....being a member of the bridal partry, that generally means you/FH are close to this person so you maybe should have thought to address the envelope as 'Mr Smith and Miss Jane Doe' - so writing her whole name out.
FH was in a wedding once and i had been in the picture for a good year and 1/2 and the envelope read 'mr smith and guest' and i was a bit offended....although i didnt say anything, i was just a little annoyed that he was in the wedding adn they didnt think to acknowledge my existence in his life when i had been around for so long. but needless to say- i got over it in a day and that was that.....
i think both people over reacted and him pulling out of the BP is totally silly. he will def. regret that decision.
brady37
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Posted by Future Mrs.
What you did is totally proper etiquette. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. How well do you know this girl? Is she a very close friend? Perhaps she got offended that you didn't use her name? Here is what I think.......I think she saw the envelope, and got nervous that it was addressed as 'guest' giving him the option to bring someone else.....other than her. She jumped to conclusions, got upset, they had a big fight.....and he wanted to prove to her that he would never do that and that is how this whole mess came about. There is more to this......you did nothing wrong.
That's exactly what I was thinking! And what kind of a friend is the GM to back out of the wedding! That's a real friendship ender all over some crazy jealous girlfriend!
MJDoc12
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sounds like she's a drama queen and was looking for a reason for him to back out the BP and not go.
Marchbride07
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sooo over reacted...you are better off!
natseven
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If it is a serious relationship I would have put both names on the invite. I have been 'the guest' a few times and it didn't sit right with me but I easily got over it. I think a simple phone call from you can patch things up. If they still hold a grudge then they don't deserve to be at your wedding anyway.
beach2626
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Thank's girl for the advice. We both think it was excuse to get out of it. They live in pa, and had to come here for the weekend and stay at a hotel etc....
brady37
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Posted by beach2626
Thank's girl for the advice. We both think it was excuse to get out of it. They live in pa, and had to come here for the weekend and stay at a hotel etc....
That's a messed up way to get out it! Hope everything works out!
GabrielleandJohn
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You address the envelope to whomever you are inviting. Rules we followed (to each his own, we went by the book on this one):
If a couple lives together you write both names
If a couple is engaged, you write both names
If a couple is married clearly it is Mr & Mrs
If you would invite both ppl in the couple seperately if something happened then you write both names.
If the couple split today and you would only invite one of them then you address it to that person and guest
Hope this helps.
I think we are going to run into a sticky one on this front also. Best man and his GF have been together 3 years. We like her and are cordial but when they take a break she is not part of our lives. They are not engaged and we wouldn't invite her if their relationship ended. We wrote the invitation to BM and guest.
Good luck and know that this couples reaction was out of line and rediculous. FH and I have been together 5 years and I only took offense to the most recent invite writen to him only because we are both engaged and living together but my offense only lasted a moment before I realized that this couples wedding is actually not about me. I am just honored to be able to share it with them.
PegaLega
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I think it really depends. If you know her well and they have been together for a pretty long time then maybe you should have put her name on it-but I agree, her reaction is a bit over the top.
I have however been invited to weddings that the couple had been dating less time then FH and I and they put and guest on the invite and it bothered me, but I would never NOT go b/c of it or even throw that much of a fit. Very un couthe
