Need advice on no-gifter...

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

People aren't REQUIRED to give gifts. I would let it go....was your friend genuinely happy on your day, did she support you throughout the process? That's what it's about right?

Yes, we all want to recoup some of the expenses and people should make an effort to help you begin your life with a nice gift....but the world is not perfect. Some people will always surprise us.

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I agree 100%. The wedding is not about gifts, it's about having people you love with you on the most imporant day of your life. I had close friends no-gift us too. You get over it. I sent thank yous to EVERYONE because regardless of a gift, they took time out of their lives to be with me on a day that was very special. They hugged me and gave me well wishes. They deserve a thank you for that. For those who did not give gifts, I thanked them for being there with me, and for sharing in our day. I did get a few gifts since sending those cards out - but we are still missing gifts from close friends and immediate family. As in, the best man and groom's brother.

It happens. Asking someone to cancel their check is assumptious and digging for a gift no matter how you ask. What if she felt really bad she couldn't give you a gift and didn't want to tell you because she was embarrassed? Do you want her to feel worse?? I don't think so. She could be saving up slowly for it and will give one to you in a few months.

Don't mention it. Send a thank you when you send your thank yous to everyone and just thank her for being there for you. If she did give you a check and it was lost, she will ask YOU why it's not cashed soon. If she didn't give anything, there is a reason for it and I'm sure she feels bad.

For the poster who said she had money to buy a dress but not give a gift - I hope you realize the true meaning of friendship AND of weddings soon. She could have had that dress already, and she also could have spent all she could on the dress so that she could be there when her friend married the man of her dreams, which to a true friend is more important than all the money in the world.

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Posted by rocketsummer17

Yes, weddings are not about recieving gifts, its about sharing your special day with those you love...But on the other hand, what if she did give a gift and it was misplaced? I agree with the other girls, just give her a call and let her know you think you misplaced her card and that if she did include a check to put a stop payment on it. Apologize profusely for misplacing itand then go from there...

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If it was misplaced, it will work itself out. She will call when the check isn't cashed - because I'm sure she wrote it out to the couple, not to 'cash.'

I have to agree with the pp, I wouldnt bring it up- it would really be uncomfortable for both of you- we had a couple no gifters and we just ignored it.

I am not a big enough person to send a thank you though

if you are really worried about the check being lost and want them to stop payment then I would say something. But you are just looking for a way to ask where your gift is, I would leave it alone. Your wedding is about celebrating you and DH, not receiving gifts from friends.

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Posted by TrueLoveIn2008

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

People aren't REQUIRED to give gifts. I would let it go....was your friend genuinely happy on your day, did she support you throughout the process? That's what it's about right?

Yes, we all want to recoup some of the expenses and people should make an effort to help you begin your life with a nice gift....but the world is not perfect. Some people will always surprise us.

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I agree 100%. The wedding is not about gifts, it's about having people you love with you on the most imporant day of your life. I had close friends no-gift us too. You get over it. I sent thank yous to EVERYONE because regardless of a gift, they took time out of their lives to be with me on a day that was very special. They hugged me and gave me well wishes. They deserve a thank you for that. For those who did not give gifts, I thanked them for being there with me, and for sharing in our day. I did get a few gifts since sending those cards out - but we are still missing gifts from close friends and immediate family. As in, the best man and groom's brother.

It happens. Asking someone to cancel their check is assumptious and digging for a gift no matter how you ask. What if she felt really bad she couldn't give you a gift and didn't want to tell you because she was embarrassed? Do you want her to feel worse?? I don't think so. She could be saving up slowly for it and will give one to you in a few months.

Don't mention it. Send a thank you when you send your thank yous to everyone and just thank her for being there for you. If she did give you a check and it was lost, she will ask YOU why it's not cashed soon. If she didn't give anything, there is a reason for it and I'm sure she feels bad.

For the poster who said she had money to buy a dress but not give a gift - I hope you realize the true meaning of friendship AND of weddings soon. She could have had that dress already, and she also could have spent all she could on the dress so that she could be there when her friend married the man of her dreams, which to a true friend is more important than all the money in the world.

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Thank you for saying this! I'm glad that you wrote about the value of TRUE friendship.

We actually had this situation, where we went thru all of the cards and gifts after the wedding and realized that a very close friend did not give us anything, even a card. We agonized for several days whether to say anything, but we just found it too weird that we didn't even get a card. DH decided to say something, and it turned out that they had a card and gift which, in their hurry to get to the wedding, they totally forgot at home and then they forgot to send to us after the wedding! They were actually happy we said something because otherwise they would have just kept filing papers on top of the envelope on their table, and wondering why we never deposited their check or thanked them for their gift.

However, for other people that did not give a gift or even a card, we decided not to say anything. Even now, close to 2 months after the wedding, we are still recieving cards and gifts from people. We only said something to our friend because we are really close to them and we knew something weird had happened.

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Posted by TrueLoveIn2008

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Posted by rocketsummer17

Yes, weddings are not about recieving gifts, its about sharing your special day with those you love...But on the other hand, what if she did give a gift and it was misplaced? I agree with the other girls, just give her a call and let her know you think you misplaced her card and that if she did include a check to put a stop payment on it. Apologize profusely for misplacing itand then go from there...

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If it was misplaced, it will work itself out. She will call when the check isn't cashed - because I'm sure she wrote it out to the couple, not to 'cash.'

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i always write checks to cash for weddings so it could def happen

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Posted by rocketsummer17

Yes, weddings are not about recieving gifts, its about sharing your special day with those you love...But on the other hand, what if she did give a gift and it was misplaced? I agree with the other girls, just give her a call and let her know you think you misplaced her card and that if she did include a check to put a stop payment on it. Apologize profusely for misplacing itand then go from there...

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This happened to my close friend. She noticed her boss hadn't cashed the check she gave her for her wedding after 2 months. She finally asked her boss about cashing it and it turns out her boss lost the card and just assumed she didn't give a present to her. I would bring it up to your friend and just tell her that you think you misplaced her card. Since you are close friends, she will be honest if she can't afford to give you a gift.

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

People aren't REQUIRED to give gifts. I would let it go....was your friend genuinely happy on your day, did she support you throughout the process? That's what it's about right?

Yes, we all want to recoup some of the expenses and people should make an effort to help you begin your life with a nice gift....but the world is not perfect. Some people will always surprise us.

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ITA --- seriously if noone that was at my wedding came w/ a gift.. i would still have had the BEST day of my life with all my best friends and family with me!! My only concern is that it is possible they might have given something and it was lost or stolen... but i am just going to let it go w/ out saying anything... eventually if they DID give something and it was a check, they will probably say something to ME about why I haven't cashed it...then i will tell them i didnt get anything and just assumed they didn't have the means to bring a gift & I was just happy they were there on my special day.

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Posted by Jna2010

this happened to another girl on liw and she called them and told them that they lost their envelope on accident so they should put a stop on the check

i thought this was a really good way to go about it this way you dont offend or accuse anyone

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THIS IS A GREAT IDEA

if their check doesn't get cashed - they will contact you. that's what has happened to us with one couple. sometimes people don't bring gifts to the wedding and mail it after....i know i do that a lot. your wedding was only a few weeks ago. mine was 3 months ago (today!!) and we still have gifts coming in - we just got a check in the mail yesterday!