Need Advice Please...
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Need Advice Please...
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Re: Need Advice Please...
its not necessary to have an engagement party. its gettin crazy this world, to have all these parties, its enough for the bridal shower/wedding in it self let alone all the extras, clothes, transportation etc, i wouldn't jump to the gun to hate on them for that. when his sister gets engaged u can send a card, i've reciieved cards from family/friends ...its the thought that counts they went to the store to pick out a card for us because we are engaged. i dont expect anything from anyone
maybe things are done differently there and u need to respect the way they do things especailly if there gonna be ur family, and u dont have to like it but ya gotta go with the flow
maybe things are done differently there and u need to respect the way they do things especailly if there gonna be ur family, and u dont have to like it but ya gotta go with the flow
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Re: Need Advice Please...
I am originally from Colorado and I can tell you that in most places people do not have an engagement party or give engagement gifts. My mom was shocked when FH and I started getting gifts after we got engaged. The point of an engagement party should not be to get gifts, it should be to celebrate with your loved ones. I wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure they are excited that you are getting married but engagement parties are probably not the norm in Michigan.
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Re: Need Advice Please...
OK this is making me feel a little better.. It's just been hard defending them to everyone back home when deep down I felt the same way they did
Maybe they will throw us a shower down the road (since I know they do showers in Mich) or show some other way of caring. Whatever Mich people do! hehe
I just hope that it won't be a fiasco when his side of the family comes to a 'long island wedding' -- hopefully they will just enjoy themselves and not think we belong on my super sweet 16. we're really not going overboard or anything... w/ NY standards at least![]()
Maybe they will throw us a shower down the road (since I know they do showers in Mich) or show some other way of caring. Whatever Mich people do! hehe
I just hope that it won't be a fiasco when his side of the family comes to a 'long island wedding' -- hopefully they will just enjoy themselves and not think we belong on my super sweet 16. we're really not going overboard or anything... w/ NY standards at least
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Re: Need Advice Please...
Posted by COwens424
its not necessary to have an engagement party. its gettin crazy this world, to have all these parties, its enough for the bridal shower/wedding in it self let alone all the extras, clothes, transportation etc, i wouldn't jump to the gun to hate on them for that. when his sister gets engaged u can send a card, i've reciieved cards from family/friends ...its the thought that counts they went to the store to pick out a card for us because we are engaged. i dont expect anything from anyone
maybe things are done differently there and u need to respect the way they do things especailly if there gonna be ur family, and u dont have to like it but ya gotta go with the flow
I agree completely...........
we had an engagement party and only received a couple of gifts......and we didn't expect anything at all. Where we're from, engagement parties don't even exist.....the only reason we had one was because our MOH suggessted it. It was nice to have everyone get together........that's all that mattered to us.
If someone isn't familar with engagement parties, then they probably aren't familiar with having to give a gift........some people just don't know.......
I wouldn't get a bad taste towards his family........they aren't used to the ways things are in other places......doesn't mean they are bad people.........
GL though.
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Re: Need Advice Please...
Hi,
I haven't had an engagement party - and unless someone is planning one without my knowledge, I don't think we will. Not one person gave us a gift, though we did get a few cards from family. My FH's parents are only contributing the rehearsal dinner. I do feel a bit funny about that. It didn't even occur to me that we should get engagement gifts - I guess I owe a few people gifts!! I don't even know what will happen in terms of a shower - my MOH lives in Massachusetts, and I live in California. Maybe at Christmastime we'll have something on LI. I'm not sure.
Feel better!
R
I haven't had an engagement party - and unless someone is planning one without my knowledge, I don't think we will. Not one person gave us a gift, though we did get a few cards from family. My FH's parents are only contributing the rehearsal dinner. I do feel a bit funny about that. It didn't even occur to me that we should get engagement gifts - I guess I owe a few people gifts!! I don't even know what will happen in terms of a shower - my MOH lives in Massachusetts, and I live in California. Maybe at Christmastime we'll have something on LI. I'm not sure.
Feel better!
R
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Re: Need Advice Please...
I am from PA and my FH is from LI....when the idea of an engagment party came up my parents were shocked because it's not how it's done there. We had two E parties one in PA and one in LI and in PA we really didn't get many presents...in LI everything was taken off my registry. I think the whole planning of a wedding is different in LI then it is anywhere else. I wouldn't be too upset. I would believe your FH and know that it's probably just done that way in his family.
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Re: Need Advice Please...
I can undersatnd that you are upset, but I do think you are over-reacting a little. I live upstate - about 2 hours north of NYC and I had never heard of an engagement party until I came to this site. Flying from MI to NY is a big deal and it may be too much for them to do it for the wedding and the engagement party. Try not to be upset over it, I'm sure they are very excited for you guys, but perhaps they just couldn't do airfare for both.
One of FH aunts/uncles lives in MI and I was very suprised that they are going to make it to the wedding, I really didn't expect any OOT's to say yes, but was thrilled by the ones who could.
Also, regarding the contributions to the wedding, I wouldn't be upset over that. The only people who are expected to contribute to the wedding are you and your FH, anything you get from anyone else is a wonderful bonus, but should never be expected.
Focus on what the day is, the celebration of love between you and your FH, it isn't the gifts or the party, it's the day day you declare you love and promise your commitment to each other.
One of FH aunts/uncles lives in MI and I was very suprised that they are going to make it to the wedding, I really didn't expect any OOT's to say yes, but was thrilled by the ones who could.
Also, regarding the contributions to the wedding, I wouldn't be upset over that. The only people who are expected to contribute to the wedding are you and your FH, anything you get from anyone else is a wonderful bonus, but should never be expected.
Focus on what the day is, the celebration of love between you and your FH, it isn't the gifts or the party, it's the day day you declare you love and promise your commitment to each other.
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Re: Need Advice Please...
I can see why you are upset but realize that everyone is not the same. To be honest with you we didnt have an E Party nor received any gifts and we are paying the wedding on our own.
As far as the family not coming speak to FH about that to see what he feels. That might be the bigger issue and you dont want this to progress as the wedding gets closer.
GL!
As far as the family not coming speak to FH about that to see what he feels. That might be the bigger issue and you dont want this to progress as the wedding gets closer.
GL!
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Re: Need Advice Please...
i'm sorry that you are having a rough time...just focus on the wedding, it's the best part :)
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Re: Need Advice Please...
I agree with some of the above posters.
It is getting so out of hand with eParties being just as big as the wedding itself. No one had eParties years ago. There was a small bridal shower and then the wedding. No such thing as save the dates either. That's what an invitation is for. To announce the date, place and time.
You also have to remember that weddings are done differently across the country. Here in the Tri-State area it is customary to give an envelope, but in other states it is customary to give a gift.
His family is a different story. They have to come out of their Michigan shell and realize that there are 49 other states. If they do not want to contribute financially, then that is their option. Traditionally the groom's family does have some financial obligations, such as the rehersal dinner. I forget what else, but it should not be too difficult to do a search.
Just take it easy and remember that this whole thing is more than a wedding. You are celebrating a marriage, the joining of two people.
It is getting so out of hand with eParties being just as big as the wedding itself. No one had eParties years ago. There was a small bridal shower and then the wedding. No such thing as save the dates either. That's what an invitation is for. To announce the date, place and time.
You also have to remember that weddings are done differently across the country. Here in the Tri-State area it is customary to give an envelope, but in other states it is customary to give a gift.
His family is a different story. They have to come out of their Michigan shell and realize that there are 49 other states. If they do not want to contribute financially, then that is their option. Traditionally the groom's family does have some financial obligations, such as the rehersal dinner. I forget what else, but it should not be too difficult to do a search.
Just take it easy and remember that this whole thing is more than a wedding. You are celebrating a marriage, the joining of two people.
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Re: Need Advice Please...
I am from MA and most of my family is from NH and I got the same sort of reactions.
E- parties and engagement gifts don't happen. The shower was small and mostly for people who won't come to the wedding. Wedding gifts are just that, gifts, not envelopes.
My fiance is horrified by the whole thing since his family is from NY. Most of my family aren't even coming, so I told the ones who asked, what is 'normal' down here to prepare them.
I did feel a little embarrassed when FH's mother asked what we had gotten. But other than that we are dealing and not sharing who gave what or anything, it's their decision.
I'm trying to remember it's not a reflection of their feelings about us, but is it is little upsetting at times when I know we aren't getting back anywhere near what we put in. Which is moderate for here or MA.
E- parties and engagement gifts don't happen. The shower was small and mostly for people who won't come to the wedding. Wedding gifts are just that, gifts, not envelopes.
My fiance is horrified by the whole thing since his family is from NY. Most of my family aren't even coming, so I told the ones who asked, what is 'normal' down here to prepare them.
I did feel a little embarrassed when FH's mother asked what we had gotten. But other than that we are dealing and not sharing who gave what or anything, it's their decision.
I'm trying to remember it's not a reflection of their feelings about us, but is it is little upsetting at times when I know we aren't getting back anywhere near what we put in. Which is moderate for here or MA.
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Re: Need Advice Please...
i agree with everyone else. things just are so different outside the NY area... lol we blow everything out of proportion ![]()
so i don't think its that they aren't happy for you, they are just handling the way all weddings are handled out there... a little more low key than here in NY.
i also wouldn't get upset about e-party gifts. e=parties are getting way out of hand here, it shouldn't be a 'fund raiser' for the wedding or another way to get gifts... it should just be about celebrating with your friends and family. you'll get enough gifts at the shower and wedding![]()
i know its cliche, but jsut remember a wedding is not all about the big party and big gifts... after its all over and done with, you and DH will still get to spend the rest of your lives together.. no matter what gifts people gave you. believe me... i've been married for 2 years, and the best stuff comes after the wedding! and over time, the wedding just becomes a nice memory, and not the 'be all, end all' it is when you're engaged.
so i don't think its that they aren't happy for you, they are just handling the way all weddings are handled out there... a little more low key than here in NY.
i also wouldn't get upset about e-party gifts. e=parties are getting way out of hand here, it shouldn't be a 'fund raiser' for the wedding or another way to get gifts... it should just be about celebrating with your friends and family. you'll get enough gifts at the shower and wedding
i know its cliche, but jsut remember a wedding is not all about the big party and big gifts... after its all over and done with, you and DH will still get to spend the rest of your lives together.. no matter what gifts people gave you. believe me... i've been married for 2 years, and the best stuff comes after the wedding! and over time, the wedding just becomes a nice memory, and not the 'be all, end all' it is when you're engaged.
