Need advice - showers

dubliner Posted: Jan 30, 2003 09:15 AM

Need advice - showers

My BP is having a shower for me. I didn't really want one to start with, but I know its customary, so I went with it. My MH and I talked about it and decided to keep it small. The guest list I gave her has people who are close to me. I (foolishly) allowed my FMIL to include some people. Initially she was OK with giving me a short list.

Now she wants to add some people that I am not close to and hardly know. I put my foot down and said NO

My FH told me that there are many people that want to come to a shower, but she has told them that they will not be invited

I don't want to start our marraige on a bad note. I am considering offering a compromisse. And that would be to allow her to host a bridal luncheon for her friends and me. Its not what I want, but I just want to try to keep the peace.

What do you think?

NovemberSue Posted: Jan 30, 2003 09:23 AM

Re: Need advice - showers

My MIL invited some of her friends to my bridal shower. I didn't mind because these are people they are close with.She was very good because whenever I announced who the gifts were from that I was opening,my MIL shouted 'They are right here.' I didn't know who they were.
If its only like 3 people,I say let her invite them.

AlisonMT Posted: Jan 30, 2003 09:26 AM

Re: Need advice - showers

You guys are gonna laugh. My DAD called me last night to ask for FMIL's phone number so that he could call her and get her entire list to invite to the shower. I am not kidding. And, umm, isn't my mom supposed to be planning this? Oy.

jennyg Posted: Jan 30, 2003 09:29 AM

Re: Need advice - showers

JMO, but it sounds like it would be easier to just let her invite them to the shower...do you really want to sit around with her and her friends for a luncheon? I wouldn't and would rather just have it done with in one day. Not trying to be harsh but with her extra invites would you still have an even number of women from your side and his side? If so, that would seem fair to me.

Sonicstef Posted: Jan 30, 2003 09:34 AM

Re: Need advice - showers

I think that it is the hosts decision to decide who to invite. You are the guest of honor and should stay out of the planning completely. If your bridal party is hosting/paying, they get the say. If your mother & FMIL is paying/hosting, they get the say.

nena1275 Posted: Jan 30, 2003 09:45 AM

Re: Need advice - showers

I agree with Sonicstef. Maybe you should stay out of it. Let the people hosting/paying for it decide. It will be one less thing for you to worry and stress about. Tell them that you don't want to know until that day. Let them stress about it.

Sassy Posted: Jan 30, 2003 09:48 AM

Re: Need advice - showers

Dub, I know exactly how you feel, and I think it's up to the bride to decide who she wants there. I don't think the hosts get to decide, JMO. They can definitley have input, but if it's for the Bride, why have ppl there she doesnt want?

With that said . . .
if it's not too much a big deal, you can let her invite them, and then plan an informal 'bachelorette party' just for you and very very close friends.

Or your idea of a bridal luncheon may also work if you really don't want her friends there at all. Definitely compromise in one way or another.