This is my first post i just joined cause I needed girls opinion that didn't know me. I'm getting married in October and I'm having a wedding party issue. Sorry if i ramble in this post its just driving me crazy.
Here is my story.
I have a matron of honor,maid of honor and 2 bridesmaid
I love and appreciate all of them deeply but I feel like since I started getting the ball rolling my maid of honor hasn't been stepping up to the plate and one of my bridesmaid who I actually knew longer has been doing everything and put more effort and thoughts into everything. I feel like I made a mistake in my maid of honor. Has this happened to anyone? Apart of me wants to switch them but I dont know.
Please tell me your thoughts.
rosatemp
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i felt that way recently but i was told i cant change it since its too close to the wedding..which i think is bs but to avoid hard feelings im just gonna let it go and give the one who should have been an extra gift for all her help
Soon2bShea
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This happened to me...one of my bridesmaids was doing more than my MOH...so I made that bridesmaid a Matron of Honor and kept the MOH as is
dunnkat
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You really can't change without causing drama and possibly loosing a friendship IMO. I would just let it go , your friend who is helping out a lot I would let her know how much you appreciate her help and give her a really nice gift before the wedding. I'm having my sisters as my BP and my SIL has taken on all the MOH duties . I got her a special seperate gift. In the end I decided if Im not going to remember it a year from now, then what is the point stressing about it now?
michy83
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Posted by Soon2bShea
This happened to me...one of my bridesmaids was doing more than my MOH...so I made that bridesmaid a Matron of Honor and kept the MOH as is
How did they feel when you switched them?
ItalianBella1122
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I don't know...I mean at this stage in the game is it worth it? We see this issue a lot, but with the circumstance that a bride has to drop a bridesmaid or maid of honor altogether from the bridal party. I think it might be awkward if you switch them because the MOH is just going to feel demoted and might not want to be a part of it at all. You might cause unneeded aggravation for yourself if you do that.
Have you had a talk with her? Maybe if you asked her to do some specific tasks she would step up. I think most girls in bridal parties don't necessarily know what exactly the bride expects of them and maybe your maid of honor just thinks that you expect her to stand next to you on your wedding day. If you have other expectations, you should just spell them out for her. Or is it that she just doesn't seem very excited about your wedding? She could just have other things going on too, but I'm sure when the day rolls around she'll be enthusiastic...
This is just my opinion - leave things as they are and if you'd like, you can find some other way to honor your friend for the extra work she's been putting in...maybe a special bouquet or a piece of jewelry that will make her stand out.
Lindseyenglish4
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My sister is my MOH and shes the biggest slacker everrrrr. I love her dearly but one of my SIL who is also a BM is the one doing soooo much of the work.. Granted, my sister is 20 and in college in california and my SIL lives around the block from me and is a stay at home wife who loves to be involved in wedding planning. I would say keep it as it is to avoid any further drama and just give the BM who is contributing so much an extra gift...take her out to dinner or something and let her know how much you appreciate everything. I wouldn't stress it. I make sure to constantly tell my SIL how much I appreciate her helping me with everything and as far as a know she has no issue with the fact that my MOH is slacking. I could never imagine anyone other than my sister being my MOH....and I don't think any would would expect her not to be my MOH...I just won't be hiring her as a party planner at any point in the future :)
AwaitingAugust
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are you MOHs & BMs wearing different dresses? if not, just leave it as is and tell your BM that she's been 'promoted to MOH' ... your slacker-MOH can keep thinking she's the MOH.
michy83
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My bridal shower was this past Saturday and my maid of honor looked like crap and she didn't really do much but sit down and eat and mingle with like 2 people while my other bridal party was talking to everyone, making sure everyone was okay they helped with the games and they looked fab the entire time they got their hair and nails done, they had a smile the entire time.
michy83
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Posted by AwaitingAugust
are you MOHs & BMs wearing different dresses? if not, just leave it as is and tell your BM that she's been 'promoted to MOH' ... your slacker-MOH can keep thinking she's the MOH.
They are wearing different dresses same color
Cataverri
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It's kind of rude to change them now....I really never expected them to step up to any plate bc I feel it's my wedding and my duties not theirs, but not everyone thinks like me.
michy83
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Posted by Cataverri
It's kind of rude to change them now....I really never expected them to step up to any plate bc I feel it's my wedding and my duties not theirs, but not everyone thinks like me.
Yes i know its my wedding and I am responsible but i feel like the bridal party has responsibilities too.
Cataverri
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Posted by michy83
Posted by Cataverri
It's kind of rude to change them now....I really never expected them to step up to any plate bc I feel it's my wedding and my duties not theirs, but not everyone thinks like me.
Yes i know its my wedding and I am responsible but i feel like the bridal party has responsibilities too.
I only gave them duties the day of the wedding...she planned my bridal shower and bachelorette but that was it.
michy83
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I guess i will leave it as is but getting married really does show you who is really there for you.
Cataverri
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Posted by michy83
I guess i will leave it as is but getting married really does show you who is really there for you.
That is very true.
Jennielee15
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Posted by Lindseyenglish4
My sister is my MOH and shes the biggest slacker everrrrr. I love her dearly but one of my SIL who is also a BM is the one doing soooo much of the work.. Granted, my sister is 20 and in college in california and my SIL lives around the block from me and is a stay at home wife who loves to be involved in wedding planning. I would say keep it as it is to avoid any further drama and just give the BM who is contributing so much an extra gift...take her out to dinner or something and let her know how much you appreciate everything. I wouldn't stress it. I make sure to constantly tell my SIL how much I appreciate her helping me with everything and as far as a know she has no issue with the fact that my MOH is slacking. I could never imagine anyone other than my sister being my MOH....and I don't think any would would expect her not to be my MOH...I just won't be hiring her as a party planner at any point in the future :)
This exactly!!! My moh is in AK so my local bm's have stepped up to plan my shower and Bach party. I'm going to get them q little extra gift instead of the customary extra gift for my moh.
michy83
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i guess i know for when i have a baby lol
msmontoute
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Unfortunately, I don't think that you can change them now either. I would get the BM that is stepping up for you a really nice extra gift to say thank you to her and just grin and bear it :)
pjc92980
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honestly, i dont think there is anything you can do about it now. i have to say, i have my MOH (my sister) and 3 BM. My MOH and 1 BM have never been part of a wedding before so admittedly they are not being very helpful where as the other two who are full of ideas and help bc they have done it before. IMHO i would speak to your MOH and assign her something do to if you want her help...like hi MOH, i would love your help planning my eparty or my bachelorette party here are placed i am considering or whatever task you need for her to do.
I find it very hard to agree with you wanting to switch her role bc she isnt stepping up as MOH now. I assume you picked your MOH based on our relationship with her and you shouldnt fault her for not being as involved. I personally am grateful that my girls arent being overly pushy with me and maybe your friend wants to give you space and not be demanding. I guess it all depends on your expectations for your bridal party...for me, i expected the girls to help with the shower and show up in dresses get their hair and makup done for the wedding - the end. i am planning my bhachelorette party etc. If i need help i do ask my girls but they have their own lives too and i cant expect them to drop everything for me....but that is jmo
VCanizalez
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Posted by michy83
I guess i will leave it as is but getting married really does show you who is really there for you.
YES! I am a TRUE beleiver NOW of Wedding shows True colors!!!! I lost my 3xbfs and fh lost his frie3nds too... I dunno but ppl are weird with weddings...
BUT in ur situation... I think it depends...
YES its like RIGHT there! ur wedding is right there...But do u still want the MOH there?
