Need opinions, please

So my sister is getting married this September and I'm getting married next summer and my parents are paying for both...so one can imagine the financial and mental/emotional stress that is causing them. While I am truly grateful and fortunate that my parents are able to help us financially...one thing that is upsetting me is that my sister is getting a saturday night wedding and my parents wont allow me to have one.

I don't want to seem ungrateful but my mom said she would be equal with both weddings...but how do you give one daughter a saturday night and then deny that right to the other daughter?

I'm annoyed b/c I've always wanted a saturday night wedding. I don't want people to have to take off work to come my wedding and I already know of one person close to me whose job will not let her have off on a Friday. I just feel like Saturday night is ideal for my FH and I as well as our guests.

I don't want to bring it up to my mom b/c I don't want her to think i'm ungrateful or unappreciative but at the same time I am upset and I feel that as her daughter she should know what she is doing is making me angry and upset.

Should I just shut my trap and allow her to make the decisions b/c it's her money or do I speak up and say something?

Hmmm... I grew up with two brothers and no sisters so I'm not at all good with these situations. Growing up with boys was always unfair and I had to learn how to fight back haha

That is tricky but do you know how much per person they are paying for hers? Because if you can match that, then that is pretty much equal and that is the fair thing to do. Or if you are willing to give up any extras in order to have that night?
I know I'm having a Saturday smaller-ish wedding and FH volunteered to pay for anything big that he really wants but I don't really need/don't want my mom to pay for, like extras at the hall (chocolate fountain or something that I don't really want). Maybe you can work out something like that?


It sounds like you are being really understanding and if you approach it like that then it should be fair.

That's a really tough situation. I imagine that since your wedding is in the summer, your venue is probably around the same price as your sisters Saturday wedding in September, but of course that changes from venue to venue.

Personally, I don't think it's fair. However, if you've already booked your venue etc it probably isn't a good idea to bring it up, because it will only cause unnecessary tension for a problem that is too late to be resolved. If you haven't booked yet, you should talk to your parents and ask what exactly their budget is. Maybe you could do a Saturday wedding if you were willing to cut your guest list a little bit or if you're willing to pick up what they can't afford. Maybe your sister had to compromise too to get that Saturday wedding?

If your parents agreed to pay for both weddings and that they will be equal, then I would think the cost would be same. Do you know how much your parents are giving you toward the price of the wedding? It don't think it would be fair to allow one daughter to do something and not the other. A summer wedding is more expensive than a September wedding.

If your heart is set on a Saturday wedding, I would talk to your parents. Tell them how you feel and offer to cut your budget somewhere else or pay the difference.

---

Posted by pauladanielle

That's a really tough situation. I imagine that since your wedding is in the summer, your venue is probably around the same price as your sisters Saturday wedding in September, but of course that changes from venue to venue.

Personally, I don't think it's fair. However, if you've already booked your venue etc it probably isn't a good idea to bring it up, because it will only cause unnecessary tension for a problem that is too late to be resolved. If you haven't booked yet, you should talk to your parents and ask what exactly their budget is. Maybe you could do a Saturday wedding if you were willing to cut your guest list a little bit or if you're willing to pick up what they can't afford. Maybe your sister had to compromise too to get that Saturday wedding?

---

No she didn't compromise- my mom just got tired of fighting with her and gave in. I haven't booked my hall yet and I am willing to compromise on everything but the day...b/c expecting people to take off from work is asking a lot I feel.

If your parents want to be 'equal' then they should be giving you each the same amount of money and let you make the decisions... IMO, you should definitely say something.
This is your wedding and you shouldn't have to settle if your sister doesn't have to.

---

Posted by Jax1127

---

Posted by pauladanielle

That's a really tough situation. I imagine that since your wedding is in the summer, your venue is probably around the same price as your sisters Saturday wedding in September, but of course that changes from venue to venue.

Personally, I don't think it's fair. However, if you've already booked your venue etc it probably isn't a good idea to bring it up, because it will only cause unnecessary tension for a problem that is too late to be resolved. If you haven't booked yet, you should talk to your parents and ask what exactly their budget is. Maybe you could do a Saturday wedding if you were willing to cut your guest list a little bit or if you're willing to pick up what they can't afford. Maybe your sister had to compromise too to get that Saturday wedding?

---

No she didn't compromise- my mom just got tired of fighting with her and gave in. I haven't booked my hall yet and I am willing to compromise on everything but the day...b/c expecting people to take off from work is asking a lot I feel.

---

When you visit the halls ask for pricing on Fri and Sat then you can have a discussion. If they are adamant and you still want SN, then offer to pay the difference. In the summer it may be more of a difference than other times of the year so maybe you could also look at a few different times. Before booking at East Wind, I asked for pricing in November, Dec and March. It was no problem for them and gives you a little bit more to work with.

---

Posted by Kristin31613

---

Posted by Jax1127

---

Posted by pauladanielle

That's a really tough situation. I imagine that since your wedding is in the summer, your venue is probably around the same price as your sisters Saturday wedding in September, but of course that changes from venue to venue.

Personally, I don't think it's fair. However, if you've already booked your venue etc it probably isn't a good idea to bring it up, because it will only cause unnecessary tension for a problem that is too late to be resolved. If you haven't booked yet, you should talk to your parents and ask what exactly their budget is. Maybe you could do a Saturday wedding if you were willing to cut your guest list a little bit or if you're willing to pick up what they can't afford. Maybe your sister had to compromise too to get that Saturday wedding?

---

No she didn't compromise- my mom just got tired of fighting with her and gave in. I haven't booked my hall yet and I am willing to compromise on everything but the day...b/c expecting people to take off from work is asking a lot I feel.

---

When you visit the halls ask for pricing on Fri and Sat then you can have a discussion. If they are adamant and you still want SN, then offer to pay the difference. In the summer it may be more of a difference than other times of the year so maybe you could also look at a few different times. Before booking at East Wind, I asked for pricing in November, Dec and March. It was no problem for them and gives you a little bit more to work with.

---

I actually wanted March but no bueno with the FH.

Have an open heart to heart with your mother.

Tell your mother you would really like to have a Saturday night wedding, and be prepared to calmly tell her your reasons why (guests, etc). Then I would ask her what reasons she has against it. If it is a price difference, figure out what hte difference would be and offer her a compromise - be willing to pay the difference, or maybe cut back on the guest list slightly.

Just be calm, caring, and repeatedly express - in no uncertain terms - how grateful you are for her help.

If it started to become a verbal fight, apologize for bringing it up (politely) and let it go for a bit..

That is a really tough situation. I agree with the other ladies about offering to pay the difference. Don't worry everything works itself out

I think maybe if you offer to pay the difference of what a sat night would cost maybe that would help. Also, maybe once you book a hall, it might be less expensive than your sister's wedding (not sure where she's getting married) so that may help too!

good luck

My mom isn't paying for my wedding but I do have a sister and if I were in your situation I would be pissed too lol. Whatever your mother is paying for your sisters wedding she should be fair and pay up to the same for yours. If she is paying 100 per plate for your sisters saturday wedding then I think if you find a place that is also 100 pp for a saturday it should't be a problem. If its like 125 pp instead, then I can see her point because then it is not equal anymore because thats more then she paid for your sisters. I'd find out their total cost per person and try to find a venue you like below that cost for a Sat. and then there should be no discussion about it.

Bottom line, as long as the cost adds up to the same as your sisters I don't think that she should give you any problem with what you choose.

---

Posted by lauren1802

what about a saturday day wedding?

---

I would be fine with that but my mom said they are boring so I have to do night, lol. (They are party animals, what can I say?) Not thrilled with day but it's better than a friday night. ugh, lol.

I'll probably just offer the pay the difference thing... not sure yet how I'm going to get the money but that's a whole other animal.

Anyone need a car washed? house cleaned? baby's diaper changed? dog poo picked up? ;)