need some imput, kind of personal

acre730 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:28 PM

need some imput, kind of personal

I will keep this poll as simple as I can....
How many of you had an issue like this at their wedding and what did you do.... Does a bride have a right to say a guest who might normally be invited to a wedding ('example sisters friend') Cannot be invited because she slept with the groom (several years before FI bride met). Groom has no desire to have the girl there and no problem with not inviting her but Grooms parents refuse to not invite her.... (this is for a small backyard reception in CA a month after our wedding)....I am freaking out because I don't want this girl to be there and even when the reason was explained to FIL's they said they would rather cancel the wedding than not invite her.

I am sorry that this is so long and or confusing..i am just really upset right now. I normally wouldnt post something this personal, but I'm so stressed

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:31 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

If both of you don't want her there, then she shouldn't be there. There is no reason that both you and FH should feel uncomfortable at your own wedding reception.
Why are they so insistent on having her there?

Soccer_Girl Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:31 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

OMG! I can't believe that your FILs want this girl at your wedding! I agree that she should not be there...there is no need for something like that to be on your mind on YOUR wedding day. What is the deal about them 'cancelling' the wedding? Idle threats I am sure.

I say...STAND YOUR GROUND...NO INVITE TO THIS CHICK...HAVE YOUR FH BACK YOU UP!

july06bride Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:32 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

HECK NO! If you and fh both agree she shouldnt be there, then absolutely NOT...its your wedding reception and you should not be uncomfortable!

acre730 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:33 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

I explained the reason to his sister and asked her not to bring it up to his parents, today FI and I both get a nasty email FROM HIS DAD..... I am in shock and mortified

Bella Blu Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:33 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Posted by acre730

I am freaking out because I don't want this girl to be there and even when the reason was explained to FIL's they said they would rather cancel the wedding than not invite her.

They would rather cancel YOUR wedding because you don't want to invite a friend of their daughter?! Why are they being more loyal to her rather than their son and future daughter-in-law? Honestly, Iwill be in the same situation as you when I have my reception. The girl (who is now married and I've met her a few times) is FH friend and will be invited to the reception. I'm not saying that you should do the same...I think that since both you and FH agree that you don't want her there, your wishes should be respected. Keep us posted!!!!

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:34 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Posted by coopersmom

OMG! I can't believe that your FILs want this girl at your wedding! I agree that she should not be there...there is no need for something like that to be on your mind on YOUR wedding day. What is the deal about them 'cancelling' the wedding? Idle threats I am sure.

I say...STAND YOUR GROUND...NO INVITE TO THIS CHICK...HAVE YOUR FH BACK YOU UP!

I agree! That is so inconsiderate on their part. Their loyalty should be with you- his WIFE, not someone he slept with!

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:34 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

disregard the no vote - I meant to vote yes! If the both of you don't want her there, then nothing beats out that reason.

akaMrsT Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:35 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Posted by acre730

they would rather cancel the wedding than not invite her.

Okay, W T F You are kidding, right They seriously need help. It's your wedding day for God's sake and if you two don't want her there she is not invited - it's as simple as that.

We are not inviting FI's SIL since he can't stand her. I'm sure it will cause drama but we don't care since 99% of the family dislikes her too.

SomethingBlu Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:35 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Who is this girl? I am so sorry!

Why is fi's family acting like this? Do we have the whole story?

Well, worst case scenario you can either not attend (both of you that is) or attend and be super happy since you'll be newlyweds at that point - don't let the skank (assuming) bother you.

Again, sorry!

akaMrsT Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Posted by acre730

I explained the reason to his sister and asked her not to bring it up to his parents, today FI and I both get a nasty email FROM HIS DAD..... I am in shock and mortified

Why on earth do they even care this much Who is this girl I cannot imagine my dad acting like that if my friend was not invited - even my best friend of 25 years. He wouldn't care at all.

icequeen4700 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:38 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

its YOUR wedding, you only have to invite who you want there, if they cant accept it, thats there problem. you dont need to be upset on your day!

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:38 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Posted by acre730

I explained the reason to his sister and asked her not to bring it up to his parents, today FI and I both get a nasty email FROM HIS DAD..... I am in shock and mortified

i am getting so pissed off on your behalf! just who the hell is this girl that she is important enough for them to cancel YOUR wedding?!?!?! does this girl know you don't want her there? if she does, i can't imagine her wanting to go where she is not wanted!

akaMrsT Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:39 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

nevermind - I re-read the post

LFitzy79 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:39 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

okay, I think that I have more of a problem with your inlaws insisting she be there than I do with the girl actually being there-do you know what I mean?
I don't think it's a big deal that they hit the hay way before you guys met-whomever he spent time helped create the man that you love. He's marrying you-you have no reason to be uncomfortable-but if you are, and he doesn't care if she's there or not-then it's really your call, not thiers......

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:40 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Posted by akaMrsT

Wait a sec - is this your wedding we are talking about You mentioned a backyard wedding but I noticed you are using Milleridge

she's talking about an additional reception.

acre730 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:40 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

You literally all have the whole story...I kid you all not...FI's family isn't in LOVE with me but I never thought it was come to this....Thank you all so much for answering me, and preventing me from sobbing uncontrollably at my desk... At least I know that I wouldnt be alone in my being upset. Honestly I may not have had such an issue with inviting her if I had even met her or FI was even remotely friends with her anymore...but I can't see being upset the day of the wedding for someone that doesn't NEED to be invited...ie a family member (but if he had slept with a family memeber, then again I PROBABLY wouldnt be marrying him lol)....Agree with me or not you girls are the best

LFitzy79 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:43 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

look-don't cry, I agree with the earlier post, worst case scenario, you tell them that you hope they have fun, but you won't be there....and it's thier punishment-they won't get to spend time with you...
Don't cry-they are not allowed to make you feel this way. You have your friends and your family, and you're wedding here is going to be awesome-and there's nothing that can change that!

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:45 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

I don't think they were entitled to an explanation- and you were VERY gracious to tell them the truth. It is yours and FH's decision and what you say should be IT!

AJsMommy122 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 03:47 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

I would do one of 2 things....
If they refuse to not invite this person I would call it off

OR

let them invite her and then CALL HER ( either your or your fiance) and explain to her how NOT WANTED she would be and the invitation was sent as a courtesy by your fiance's parents. Make her understand that she is not wanted and unless she is nuts she would never dare show her face and rsvp no.