need some imput, kind of personal

Original post by acre730

Jul 06, 2005 03:28 PM

I will keep this poll as simple as I can....
How many of you had an issue like this at their wedding and what did you do.... Does a bride have a right to say a guest who might normally be invited to a wedding ('example sisters friend') Cannot be invited because she slept with the groom (several years before FI bride met). Groom has no desire to have the girl there and no problem with not inviting her but Grooms parents refuse to not invite her.... (this is for a small backyard reception in CA a month after our wedding)....I am freaking out because I don't want this girl to be there and even when the reason was explained to FIL's they said they would rather cancel the wedding than not invite her.

I am sorry that this is so long and or confusing..i am just really upset right now. I normally wouldnt post something this personal, but I'm so stressed

gNi1125 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 06:18 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

That is THE MOST ridiculous thing I have ever heard!!! What is it to your FIL's if she is there or not!! This girl is worth calling off the wedding for?!?! That is just insane. DO NOT back down. If you and FH don't want her there (which I personally would feel the same way about) she shouldn't freakin be there! Simple as that! No questions asked! Please don't back down about this. This is the ultimate in senseless control issues. Consider yourself blessed that they live so far away.

marymoon Posted: Jul 06, 2005 06:20 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

I am with you 100% If FH doens;t even want to ivnite her then there's NO reason to. This is OUR day and nothing should stand in the way of that!

rocky23 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 06:22 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

I would definitly have felt uncomfortable if someone my husband used to be involved with was at our wedding. maybe if you get you fiance to speak to your inlaws they will change their minds. Good luck!

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Jul 06, 2005 07:03 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Posted by acre730

Posted by Soon2bMsZ

Its not really her fault... she is being 'put in the middle' by this brides FIL'S.

I completely agree it isn't her fault. Luckily it wont get to that because I am refusing to go and calling them on their 'threats' to call it off.....

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Stand your ground

EmberLynn Posted: Jul 06, 2005 07:23 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Okay I agree 100% that this is your wedding and no one elses. But personally, several of mine and my FH past lovers are attending our wedding. We are comfortable enough in our relationship not to let that bother us. This is your wedding and if you must, you'll have to change your plans so your FILs can't have so much power over your wedding.
I'm the last one to side with the family wishes over the bride and grooms. But I think you need to think about your relationship. If you know your FH has only eyes for you, this girl shouldn't even be a thought in your head. Also find out if she is now with someone. She may have no interest what so ever in him. She may be just coming because she is a friend of the families. Again this is YOUR choice! NOT your parents, his parents, families, friends or anyone on theses threads! Its completely up to you and your FH. I wish both happiness in whatever you choose.

N.Y.bride Posted: Jul 06, 2005 07:27 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

If he doesnt care to have her there and you dont want her there then she shouldnt be there plain and simple.

If she does end up going just think... shes at YOUR wedding because YOU are marrying him!!

I understand how youre feeling though. My FH mentioned that his ex who still talks to his mom mentioned how she was not being invited to the wedding.

Im like, NOT INVITED? Why SHOULD I invite her?

It makes no sense.

Good Luck

EmberLynn Posted: Jul 06, 2005 07:34 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

You know here is a crazy idea. Tell me what you think. Why not you and your FH contact this girl and arrange a little meeting. Explain that you have nothing agaist her personally, but feel its unfair to all three of you, (her, your FH and you) to be put into this nasty little arrangement your FILs have put you in. Explain that you really wanted to keep the wedding for just very close friends and familes and you feel that a past lover would make you uncomfortable. Be respectful and understanding to her feelings, and you may see how understanding she is to yours. She may agree that this inapporate and thank you for avoiding all three of you the pain and embrassment. As for your FIL's I would write them off. If they don't respect you, they don't respect him. You two are becoming your own family, a family that is branched from but in a different direction from theirs. you might have to change a few things about the wedding and reception.

i102bcute Posted: Jul 06, 2005 09:42 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

If you don't want her there then she should not be there! This is your wedding and you should not feel uncomfortable!

octobride Posted: Jul 06, 2005 10:17 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

That's so incredibly rude!

You're totally right to call their bluff! Good for you, girl! This whole thing they're throwing at you reeks of 'idle threat.' They're only trying to see how far they can bully you.

They know perfectly well how stupid they'd look for cancelling a reception for something like that. They'll back down as soon as they realize how ridiculous they'll look to their family and friends.

I mean, really, if they cancel the reception, what are they going to say to people???

'Well, we called it all off because the bride wouldn't let us invite one of our son's ex-lovers.'

KarAnthony Posted: Jul 06, 2005 10:23 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

I think FI's father has a crush on her, maybe you can tell him she can be his date!!!

HAHAHA,

I'm sorry, but it was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard he was having a hissy fit!

acre730 Posted: Jul 06, 2005 10:24 PM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Thanks again everyone for all the support and helpful comments... I really needed to know if I was in the twilight zone and everyones encouragement reminded me that I wasn't. Like I said before the actual inviting or not inviting of the girl isn't the big issue to me anymore.....now its more the fact they are trying to see if they can bully me, and I'm not going to let that happen. I am so thankful for all of you though.....if nothing else, agree with me or not, all of you guys kept me sane today

Bumsie Posted: Jul 07, 2005 12:14 AM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

What the F....... Are you kidding me No matter how secure you are in your relationship why on earth would anyone want EX'S at their weddings? You should tell your FIL to go scre... himself. You might also ask FH to speak to his psycho parents. I also wouldn't give this bimbo the satisfaction of knowing that she's an issue. She's just not invited and that's FINAL.

Dooodles Posted: Jul 07, 2005 09:31 AM

Re: need some imput, kind of personal

Is this girl a daughter of very close friends of theirs? Did FI just sleep with her or did they have a serious relationship? I am only trying to understand why your FIL's are determined to invite this woman. I think it would bother me depending on the relationship they had and if it ended bitterly.
With that being said, this is your celebration for your wedding. If both you and FH both do not wish her to be there I cannot see the point in them being so upset and adamant about not inviting her. The only reason I could understand is if she is the daughter of friends of theirs for many, many years. But they should respect their son and his FW's wishes for their wedding celebrations. I don't think calling this woman yourself is a good idea. She did not cause the drama, your IL's did that themselves. And all they ended up achieving here is alienating their children.