need some imput, kind of personal

since things happened a long time ago, way before you two met, if I am in this situation, I wouldn't mind her too much... BUT, this is your party and if you and FH doesn't care much for her to be there, then she shouldn't be there.

Maybe have your FH talk to his family?

wow.... all I can say is, if neither of you want her there, you should put your foot down.

Personally, if that was my situation, I would tell my FIL's that if they want me to show up for this shindig, they should skip inviting her.

The nerve of them! do they not know the situation?

Thats the thing I KNOW that there is nothing to worry about...I know that it is all in the past and meant nothing to him....and I KNOW that not everyone is like me and some would have no problem with it....but I am sensitive and I KNOW that I will be affected that day if I have to see her. A family party, randomly in the street..any other situation than this I would be fine seeing her....I just dont want to have to worry about it on my (2nd) wedding day. It boils down to alot of things but FI's family wish that he wasn't marrying me, they have from the beginning (their 'baby', he's 27, is leaving CA to come live with me on theEast Coast and they can't be happy for him) and they are really using this just to hurt me....

FI is literally studying for the bar as we speak and under so much stress as it is.....I feel terrible for him.

ETA thanks again for all your input, it is keeping me somewhat sane right now

I am so sorry that you're going through this...your FILs have some nerve!!

I'm with all of the other girls...stand your ground. If both you and FH would rather not invite this girl, then she should not be invited. If that means that the second reception will be cancelled, then so be it...you'll already have had your real wedding day anyway!!

Good luck with all of this, and remember we are all here to listen.

Is this girl a friend of the family? I mean, otherwise why would your FI's parents want her there so badly? Maybe your FI can talk to his parents and explain that it would be awkward for him and HER as well. I mean really, who in their right mind is going to want to go to an ex's wedding anyway??? The fact that they are not even friends anymore is just the icing on the cake!

I say, if they don't budge, have the backyard wedding without THEM!!! Throw your own little wedding without them!! See what they say then...


I would be so hurt and angry as I assume you are. What your FI's parents are doing is SO wrong! I'm actually mad for you!!

Hang in there!!!

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Posted by acre730

Thats the thing I KNOW that there is nothing to worry about...I know that it is all in the past and meant nothing to him....and I KNOW that not everyone is like me and some would have no problem with it....but I am sensitive and I KNOW that I will be affected that day if I have to see her. A family party, randomly in the street..any other situation than this I would be fine seeing her....I just dont want to have to worry about it on my (2nd) wedding day. It boils down to alot of things but FI's family wish that he wasn't marrying me, they have from the beginning (their 'baby', he's 27, is leaving CA to come live with me on theEast Coast and they can't be happy for him) and they are really using this just to hurt me....

FI is literally studying for the bar as we speak and under so much stress as it is.....I feel terrible for him.

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I am so sorry that you have to put up with this! And don't feel bad, I wouldn't want a girl my FH slept with at my wedding reception either! even if it was a 2nd reception. makes no difference! she does NOT belong there.

IMO, you need to fire back. They will be family whether they like it or not. and I would tell them that if she's there, you're leaving.

I am very stubborn by nature, and would totally go through with either not showing up or leaving if I saw her. then his parents can explain to all their guests why.

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Posted by soon

let them invite her and then CALL HER ( either your or your fiance) and explain to her how NOT WANTED she would be and the invitation was sent as a courtesy by your fiance parents. Make her understand that she is not wanted and unless she is nuts she would never dare show her face and RSVP no.

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wait - that actually really bad advice IMO. There is no reason for her to even speak to the girl - I had an even bigger problem with my inlaws making me invite the parents of my FH's ex (who did a truly terrible thing to my ex) and my pressure would rise at the though of talking to the ex. Plus if someone calls her and says that she was invited but not wanted - she would probably go to the wedding anyway and start sh*t

in my situation.... I stood my ground, but lost on this particular issue, My in laws learned to keep all other matters to themselves. In being so forceful about inviting the parents of FH's psychotic ex, they caused me to keep them out of the rest of the wedding plans. They keep their mouths shut now. In an effort to 'not hurt anyone's feelings' they strained the relationship with their new DIL. so dumb, IMO - stand your ground!

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Posted by Ronkonkomonga

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Posted by soon

let them invite her and then CALL HER ( either your or your fiance) and explain to her how NOT WANTED she would be and the invitation was sent as a courtesy by your fiance parents. Make her understand that she is not wanted and unless she is nuts she would never dare show her face and RSVP no.

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wait - that actually really bad advice IMO. There is no reason for her to even speak to the girl - I had an even bigger problem with my inlaws making me invite the parents of my FH's ex (who did a truly terrible thing to my ex) and my pressure would rise at the though of talking to the ex. Plus if someone calls her and says that she was invited but not wanted - she would probably go to the wedding anyway and start sh*t

in my situation.... I stood my ground, but lost on this particular issue, My in laws learned to keep all other matters to themselves. In being so forceful about inviting the parents of FH's psychotic ex, they caused me to keep them out of the rest of the wedding plans. They keep their mouths shut now. In an effort to 'not hurt anyone's feelings' they strained the relationship with their new DIL. so dumb, IMO - stand your ground!

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Yeah but imagine you are the other girl. I always put myself in the other persons shoes. How would YOU feel being invited to a wedding ( basically out of spite to piss off the bride) but not knowing that and then get a negative vibe off of the bride and feel not welcome after getting dressed up, bringing a gift, etc.
Its not really her fault... she is being 'put in the middle' by this brides FIL'S.

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ


Its not really her fault... she is being 'put in the middle' by this brides FIL'S.

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I completely agree it isn't her fault. Luckily it wont get to that because I am refusing to go and calling them on their 'threats' to call it off.....

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

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Posted by Ronkonkomonga

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Posted by soon

let them invite her and then CALL HER ( either your or your fiance) and explain to her how NOT WANTED she would be and the invitation was sent as a courtesy by your fiance parents. Make her understand that she is not wanted and unless she is nuts she would never dare show her face and RSVP no.

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wait - that actually really bad advice IMO. There is no reason for her to even speak to the girl - I had an even bigger problem with my inlaws making me invite the parents of my FH's ex (who did a truly terrible thing to my ex) and my pressure would rise at the though of talking to the ex. Plus if someone calls her and says that she was invited but not wanted - she would probably go to the wedding anyway and start sh*t

in my situation.... I stood my ground, but lost on this particular issue, My in laws learned to keep all other matters to themselves. In being so forceful about inviting the parents of FH's psychotic ex, they caused me to keep them out of the rest of the wedding plans. They keep their mouths shut now. In an effort to 'not hurt anyone's feelings' they strained the relationship with their new DIL. so dumb, IMO - stand your ground!

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Yeah but imagine you are the other girl. I always put myself in the other persons shoes. How would YOU feel being invited to a wedding ( basically out of spite to piss off the bride) but not knowing that and then get a negative vibe off of the bride and feel not welcome after getting dressed up, bringing a gift, etc.
Its not really her fault... she is being 'put in the middle' by this brides FIL'S.

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I see your point, but I agree and believe that she should not have to call anyone and explain anything to them. Period.

The FIL's are clearly doing this as a power thing - don't let them get away with it. They'll get over their 'baby' deciding to grow up and leave home...everyone does. Besides, they sound like prizes, I would personally run from there myself.

Again, I am so sorry!

I can't add much to what the other posters said about how ridiculous this is.

However, I want to tell you 2 things:
1.) consider yourself lucky that you live here and they are in CA. If they were closer, they would make your life much more unbearable.

2.) You will have a great honeymoon! We stayed at the Bucuti and loved it!

If they want to have a party for her, then they should have it for her. I would not be attending. Give me their number. I'll call them and straighten this crap out!

This is insane!!!

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Posted by acre730

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ


Its not really her fault... she is being 'put in the middle' by this brides FIL'S.

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I completely agree it isn't her fault. Luckily it wont get to that because I am refusing to go and calling them on their 'threats' to call it off.....

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Good!!! Stand your ground and don't let your FILs push you around. It's really a shame the weddings can bring out the worst in people...

I think you should have his parents invite all of his ex girlfriends. Especially the ones that he slept with. Drive that point home. Actually, I think you should invite some of the guys you slept with and tell them they are flying in for the party.

It sounds silly, but I'm steamed.

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Posted by acre730

Thats the thing I KNOW that there is nothing to worry about...I know that it is all in the past and meant nothing to him....and I KNOW that not everyone is like me and some would have no problem with it....but I am sensitive and I KNOW that I will be affected that day if I have to see her. A family party, randomly in the street..any other situation than this I would be fine seeing her....I just dont want to have to worry about it on my (2nd) wedding day. It boils down to alot of things but FI's family wish that he wasn't marrying me, they have from the beginning (their 'baby', he's 27, is leaving CA to come live with me on theEast Coast and they can't be happy for him) and they are really using this just to hurt me....

FI is literally studying for the bar as we speak and under so much stress as it is.....I feel terrible for him.

ETA thanks again for all your input, it is keeping me somewhat sane right now

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Yes you hit it righton the nail - THEY are doing this to hurt YOU.

And that is an evil thing to do - and they want you to fall apart and they want this to upset you - if I were you - I would be tell them how it is...like this

'If it is a choice between this girl and canceling the party and you feel that strongly about it then invite her, but I want you to know that the only reason I don't blow this thing off, is because I am trying to be the better person and not make things worse - but I am hurt and you suceeded in your plan to hurt me, congrats.'

I dont understand why her feelings are even a consideration to your FIL's!! You are their family now not her and I say if you dont want her there then dont have her there and if FIL's would rather cancel then let them cancel the wedding because they are the one's who will be sorry in the long run!! Good Luck with this

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Posted by Blu-ize

I think you should have his parents invite all of his ex girlfriends. Especially the ones that he slept with. Drive that point home. Actually, I think you should invite some of the guys you slept with and tell them they are flying in for the party.

It sounds silly, but I'm steamed.

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Thanks for th laugh, it cheered me up