Personally to me these are opportunities for us to celebrate with family (other than parents) and friends. I could care less if anyone ever brings me a gift. Does that mean that I would not welcome gifts - NO- but to me I want these people around me to help me celebrate not to support my lifestyle...lol. Ok now here is a question. When you announced your engagement to friends and family - for all that are against engagment parties - did you receive cards and gifts as congrats on your engagement? A side note - the reason we are having something is because everyone I know has one and my parents wanted to throw us a SMALL party - family and really close friends only (20-40 people ONLY) so she told my close family NOT to send us congrats cards or gifts when they asked her b/c she wanted them to COME to my party instead of the gift. I will get flamed for this - but it upsets me to see people complain that so and so only brought a cheap gift or did not pay the same amount as I spent on their plate. You are inviting people to celebrate with you and a gift is a bonus not an expectation. JMO - I apologize in advance if I have offended anyone. Sorry just had to say it since we were venting
eroxgirl
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
My mother hates e-parties and has always told me that they were just a way to beg for gifts. When my best friend (who my mother ADORES) had hers, my mom told her not to even send an invitation b/c she wouldn't go. Personally, I don't mind but I know of a couple of situations where people had an e-party and accepted the gifts, but then never got married...I don't know - I've been asked to have one b/c people want to give us gifts for our engagement but I don't know why they can't just send gifts anyway, if thats what they want to do!
Julybaby
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
We chose not to have an e-party because our wedding was planned for less than a year after we got engaged. I also felt that if we did have one, it would look like we were asking for gifts. However, I understand why people would have them, due to cultural reasons, or maybe because their wedding is over a year away. At the time I got engaged, my grandmother just started chemo and my father and stepmother moved down to North Carolina, so even if we wanted one, it would have been difficult.
NovemberSue
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I know I'm going to get hell for this but personally we don't believe in them.We feel like its just asking people for gifts so we didn't have one.JMO
starhead
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
FH and I do not believe in them, for the same reasons as previously stated - just giving out more money and more gifst. If there's no shower, then fine, but w/ an e-party and then shower and then wedding gift, it's too much and I would never expect that from my family or friends.
We told both our parents this and my FMIL had a surprise one for us anyway b/c she had e-parties for her two daughters so therefore her beloved son had to have one as well, even though we did not want one. So she threw us one and only invited my mom, only her family and friends, didn't even invite my dad. I was so p!ssed!!!
dgtlsunshine
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I don't see anything wrong with Eparties. What I find wrong is how E parties and weddings have turned into fundraisers. I have heard numerous brides complain that they spent so and so and the guest did not give enough gift. How can a person not give enough gift. I am sorry but I have come to the conclusion that people must not invite their friends to these functions b/c I would never talk about how much money any of our friends gave us.
The events themselves are pure at heart its the people these days that ruin them.
ChristineC68
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I dont have a defined opinion of e-parties. I think the idea of families and friends coming together to meet and celebrate the newly engaged couple is a very nice idea.
I think they are especially great for couples that are having a long engagement. Two of my friends were engaged for about 3 years (she wanted to finish school before the wedding) and it was nice to not have to wait that long to celebrate the fact that they are getting married.
I also think they should be as soon after the engagement as possible. I had one friend that got engaged in July, had an eparty in February and then got married in Oct. I thought it was inappropriate to have the e-party at the half way mark of the engagement.
I think we are all in agreement that e-parties should not be used to fund the wedding. But I dont think thats the purpose of a lot of eparties.
I wouldn't decline an invitation to one for a close friend.
shelzyp
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I really don't believe in them, the people that you would invite to the e party, as usually the same ones who are invited to the shower and for some people it is causing your wedding to be such a big expense. I had a friend that had one so she could get money for all of her deposits, and then guests are supposed to 'cover their plate' too. It just seemed like too much. I am also getting married 10 months after getting engaged, so for me it would have been ridicoulous, I sent out save the date cards instead, and a few people sent me gifts, but that was their perogitive.
MISHY
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I really hope none of my friends felt the way you felt, because that would make me EXTREMELY upset. I love going to parties and the reason we had one was to bring our families and friends together, plus to celebrate, our engagement. My friends asked me if they could bring anything or what we wanted and all I said was I wanted you guys there, for me it WASN'T about the presents!
balilove
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I didn't have an e-party. We both would've liked it so our families could of met. This is traditonal because my FH is Asian. Since we are in separate states it was too much. For us the significance was for the families to meet. We sent announcements out and even prior to the announcements we started receiving gifts and cards. We were both really touched by that.
I have been to, like Wacky, and probably several of you, e-parties that gave the impression that they were put on just for the gifts and the money. They were 'mini-weddings'. In fact, one of my friends did not want one, her in-laws threw one because and I quote, 'it was pay back time'. I do not agree with that nor did my friend but she did not want to get into an argument with her FIL's.
sonia
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I see nothing wrong with e-parties. We had one last summer with 250 people. The thought of a 'fundraiser' did not even cross my mind. hell we spent a LOT more money than we got!
we had our religious engagement in Nov. 2001 and our wedding is July 2003. We wanted an event in NY for all of FH's family and friends to meet me and my family since i'm from california. This was also where we officially exchanged rings.
We did it because we had a long engagement. It's very hard to 'meet' the bride and groom at the wedding or the reception cuz they're usually too busy. With at least 400 people at each of our two receptions this year, we're not going to have time to meet everyone. So the e-party was essential - even if it was large and had over 200 people.
I guess within our community it's very common to have an engagement party. Weddings are never just about the bride and groom, they're about the two families coming together. So naturally, they want everyone to meet and want to introduce their new soon-to-be daughter or son in law.
So yea .. don't knock it unless you know all of the circumstances around it
Annieb
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
WOW...i cannot believe this thread...it really hurts to realize that this is how some people think. I have been to several e-parties and had one myself and the thought of it being a fundraiser never crossed my mind... In my experience the party itself always costs alot more than the money made...i don't think that is the point of a fundraiser
Thrilled
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
We did not want one and the only reason we had one of any kind was because one of my BMS threw us a very small cocktail party (20 people, all our age - no parents or anything) in her apartment in NYC - we specifically asked for no gifts but people brought some anyway....
DaniRN
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I had an eparty but it was just for the bridal party and immediate family and we specifically told everyone NO GIFTS-and we didn't get any. We did get some cards and cash from family members but that would have been regardless of if we had a party or not. I know what you mean though Wacky-I have been to e-parties that are like weddings and you feel obligated to give like 100-200 dollars, plus the bridal shower, then the wedding! Our eparty was a simple little buffet in a rec center-we didn't want anything fancy. just for the bridal party and families to meet.
JodiBabe
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
FH & I were engaged in Feb. 2002 and had an e-party with mostly immediate family & just a few close friends (about 25 people total) in Aug. 2002. Our e-part was the first time that our families got to meet each other and that was the main reason for the party. Our e-party was not a 'mini-wedding' but a backyard bbq at my mom's house. We are getting married 9/13/03 so it was more than a year before the wedding. I see nothing wrong with them although I personally would never want a mini-wedding but to each his own. The option of declining to attend is always up to the one invited.
shelzyp
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
The thing that really annoys me is that since I decided not to have an engagement party, the people that did have one's before me, never even thought to send a card. But then others who are engaged and didn't have an E party sent cards. If these partiie were meant to be get togethers for the families that would be great, but everything doesn't have to turn into a gift giving situation.
Mishy, I would not have felt that way at my friends e party, if she hadn't said that she was having one so they could pay for the deposits on the hall, photographer and DJ.
WithThisRing
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
we are having one, but very very tiny. i dont want a crazy e-party and have ppl feel they have to buy us gifts.
its going to be a small dinner at a nice place with my parents, his mom and her hubby, his dad and his dads family, his mom's sisters, my mom and dads siblings and our bp. his dad's siblings all live out of state so we thought it wouldnt be fair to ask them to travel for us.
my mom sent out announcements to everyone because she didnt know when we would see everyone and also a lot of family lives out of state.
my e-ring has been passed down to me. its my mom's e-ring stone and it has been reset.
i am not considering it an 'e-party' but more of a family gathering for us to hang out, celebrate and eat.
Julybaby
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
Though some people here did not have an e-party, or do not believe in them, does not mean that those who had one have to justify the reasons for having one. Sometimes having an e-party is a great idea for families to meet, or to announce your engagement. If you had one, or went to one and had a great time, don't apologize! You have nothing to be sorry for. Others, like myself, chose not to have one for various reasons. I hope I do not come off as being snotty, which is not my intention, but I feel that some people were almost apologizing for having an e-party, which is not necessary. This is your engagement, and however you celebrate it is up to you!
yabbobay
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
I guess it really does depend on the couple...family...friends...etc...
I have a different perspective...
I had an eparty (a years before the wedding) with only family (upto cousins) and the bridal party and a few childhood friends and neighbors...
gifts were not the reason...most people got us a small $20 gift...some (like my aunts and mom...bigger)
my sister had an e-party 5 1/2 months before her wedding...you may think rude...but it was a chance for family and friends to meet and to spend time with loved ones...
It home last weekend when my uncle died and all everyone kept saying was that it was such a nice 2 years with all the parties (both my sister and I got married this year) that everyone got a chance to get together and spend time with everyone...
Rob-luvs-me
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Re: Need to vent about E parties
Another reason we are having one is because my uncle is dying from cancer and he has told us he will not make it to the wedding. FH's grandfather has also had a few heart attacks recently and he is afraid he will not make it to the wedding. If people think I'm having one as a fundraiser I would prefer that they didn't attend. I just want them to come to a quiet dinner to help us celebrate.
