Need to vent about money (long)

Sorry to vent but I really need to get this out. I am so upset with FI that (I wont but) I almost want to leave him. We have been on and off for 8 years but finally grew up and got our stuff together about 1 1/2 years ago. Things were fine, he had a great job and we were doing great! His job went bankrupt last month so we lost one month salary and his new job was $30k less. Now, this means you dont spend as much right?? Well we budgeted and were doing kinda good. He has weeks that he spends alot, we fight, and he stops, but this week he spend $80 in 2 days (and come friday and sat he needs more!!). Plus $300 that he just put into his car that could have waited until after the wedding but he wanted to do now. $40 of it is ok, its for the wedding but the other $40? Well it was lunch and he doesnt know where the other $30 went. I know it doesnt sound like alot but over the month its alot. We need to save $1000 a month until Sept to pay off the wedding. We can do that-IF HE STOPS WASTING MONEY. I hardly buy anything and he has told me that I am so good with not spending. He has lunch in the refrigerator but forgets or whatever and has to buy it. Or has no clue what he does with the other money. I am so tired of fighting over it and really am disgusted. He thinks we will be fine and since I want the video and this and that for the wedding, he should not suffer. According to him, since I want a video, we cant take diving lessons to get certified. But in reality, if we (he) save money, we will have it to take lessons. I just dont get it. He wont go to counseling, thinks its my problem-thats its my wedding and he doesnt want half the stuff I do (video, colored invites, favors, etc and he would have eloped if he could). I told him after the wedding, we are going to be saving for a house, then a child, then college for the child and then we can enjoy money. Its just now when the wedding is 5 months away that we really need to save. This is life. We ate out 2 times last week so I am not as uptight as he likes me to believe. He returns videos late to Blockbuster making the bills $15 or so. I mean come on!!! I spend money. But I only work 34 hours a week and I realize that if I want to continue those hours, I cant buy clothes or cds or whatever every week. He wants me to work 6 more hours a week so we have more money. Ok now 6 hours a week brings in around $70 more a week after taxes. Sounds great right?? But then I wont be making dinner every night because of my late hours then and there goes that $70. One dinner out even pizza is like $8 or something. And he wont eat sandwiches or soup or easy stuff like I will. I just dont know what to do. I love him so much but this really could be the breaking point. Maybe I need to relax a bit more (I really dont think so when he gets $40 a week to spend-gas is seperate). He has a second job he started (for fun that he works from home-drafting-which he loves like a hobby) so thats entirely his. He hasnt gotten the first paycheck yet so.. but that will be anywhere from $40-100 a week depending on how many hours he puts in. Am I crazy?? How do I make him realize that he needs to slow down with money?? I took out a loan to help us too!! But he sees that as a good thing, now he doesnt have to save as much!! I am sorry this is so long but I needed to really vent. Thank you so much for reading this and again I am sorry this is so long but I feel better already!!

Need to vent about money (long)

My fiance and I are in a similar situation. we are on a very strict budget for the wedding. what we decided to do was figure out what an acceptable amount of spending money per week would be (realistically) and that is all that we are allowed. When we get paid, we take that amount out (IN CASH) and that has to last us 2 weeks until we get paid again. It teaches you how to budget and plan.

Need to vent about money (long)

It's never easy is it? Have you tried sitting down together and figuring out a pre and post wedding budget you can Both live with? You both have very valid points. It sounds like you just have different priorities when it comes to spending money. *You want a video, favors etc. he dosen't care about those things. *He wants to eat lunch out, you dont see why. I hate to use the big Compromise word but thats what you may both need to do. If you catagorize your spending into a Joint List of 'Must' vs 'Want' vs 'Would Like' you both might be able to see each others spending/saving needs a little clearer.

Need to vent about money (long)

Sounds like it has a lot to do with the spending habits you both grew up with, and it also sounds like resentment that the wedding is costing so much, especially since he is not interested in having a lot of the things he`s being asked to pay for. Try to keep that in mind when you try to talk it out. Remind him how important this is to you, a lifelong vision you want to make real, and that his saving would be a very special gift he can give you - to contribute to making your dream a reality. My Fi grew up without a lot and he is not used to spending. It`s really tough for him to accept what good furniture costs, for instance, and the expense of flowers for the wedding is something he doesn`t understand. He too, doesn`t want a lot of the wedding trappings. He says we`ll only look at the photo album a couple of times then stick in in a drawer. Sounds like your Fi is going through something similar and resents that he is being asked to forgo what he sees as 'little' pleasures - lunch, a video, etc. just to pay for something he doesn`t want, and thinks is overpriced - a wedding video, favors, and so on. Maybe you can still create your dream but perhaps reduce the costs a bit. You could give up the colored invitations for something less expensive or spend less on favors for instance. If you offer this up, then maybe he won`t feel so much like he`s being forced into something that he seems to be so resentful of. This is a good opportunity to build on your partnership. Money is always a tough issue and if you can get through this and both feel like you came out equal then it will help lay the groundwork for the years to come. Good luck...

Need to vent about money (long)

To avoid the same problem w/ me and my husband (he's always buying things for his van & me I have a shoe problem) we opened a joint account dedicated only to our wedding. We don't even get to touch this money because it goes directly into the account theough direct deposit. I did a schedule of what vendors need to be paid in a certain time period and calculated all the deposits from the time we started(last February) until a week before the wedding (October). We will then use this same account to pay for joint bill (rent, electric,phone, etc.) So we still have our own money to spend. We think of it as paying off a big loan.

Need to vent about money (long)

Leyann, In the time my fiance and I have been living together, I`d have to say our biggest and worst fights have been regarding money in one way or another. I try to be very conservative, always thinking about the 'what ifs' and wanting to save for those rainy days, which is tough while paying a mortgage and planning a wedding, along with all the other regular monthly bills. My fiance tends to be a little less concerned about money. I believe a lot of people`s money tendencies have to do with their upbringing. Try to work on your issues with your fiance. This is not a fun way for you to be entering into your marriage. Talking things out can be difficult because sometimes it just seems like nothing is being accomplished, or that you`re only getting a temporary fix on the problem. But the key is to learn to work together and come to the best solution, even if neither of you is thrilled with the outcome. You`ll need to start somewhere somehow on this. I`d think the last thing you`d want is going down the aisle with resentful feelings. Hang in there! I know where you`re coming from on this one!

Thank you!

Thank you all! I sat back and did realize that some things that I want for the wedding are not important to him like his buying lunch is not important to me (as someone mentioned). We did discuss it a bit and I think we worked it out a little. I understand where he is coming from, he has cut down on spending since we moved in together, I just wish it was more. My thinking is if he brings lunch, we can go out to dinner one night. But if he spends $30 on lunch in one week, I dont feel comfortable spending on dinner too! We worked it out for the present time, I need to relax and he needs to listen better. We did discuss that and we will both work on it!! Thank you all so much. You really helped. I knew all the things you said but just hearing it from people sometimes helps more. Thank you again!!

For ladies only ... leyann especially

leyann, You wrote, 'he needs to listen better.' Did you know there was a study done that found men don`t listen as well as the ladies!! :)

For ladies only ...

Yes actually I did! He listens, but only to the first 5 words, then gives his answer. I tell him all the time to finish listening to me and we wont get in a fight but... hes not listening :)