need your advice please

I'm sorry you have to go thru this..
You said you confronted him b4...have you thought about sitting him down, and telling him exactly how this makes you feel?? maybe he just doesn't realize how this affects you.
what if you guys went on a romantic weekend getaway? maybe you just need to put some spark back into things...I'm sorry if I didn't help...just trying to think of some useful tips...
hope things work out...

I think you two need to sit down and discuss this.
It's one thing if he does it and it doesn't bother you .....but if he knows you don't like it, and he is doing it behind your back, then you have to reach some sort of a compromise....especially if it is effecting your personal life.....
is there a reason you don't want him looking at those pictures? i only ask because I know my husband does from time to time, and it doesn't bother me....
good luck!

This is something you have to discuss with him. You need to sit and discuss it calmly. Don't yell or make accusations; just let him know how you feel. Maybe it's not that he's not attracted to you any more, but it might be something else. Maybe there's been something that's been bothering him too. Communication's the best answer to anything. And, as somebody stated before, maybe a weekend getaway will help too, but schedule one after you've had your discussion...you don't want to have a serious conversation like that on a romantic getaway. I hope everything works out

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Posted by june262004

What is that bothers you about it? Hes a man. I have no problem with my DH looking at pictures. What is that bothers you... You should think of all the things and tell him.

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I think the main thing that bothers her is that he said he'd stop, but he didn't. If my DH told me he'd stop doing something that bothered me, but kept doing it, I'd be bothered too.

could there be a way to find a middle ground?
perhaps he feels you're trying to control him by not allowing him to do things he could do when he was single...and that is causing the rift in the relationship.
I think you need to discuss it, whatever the case is.

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Posted by advicefromLIW

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Posted by Butterflybride

I think the main thing that bothers her is that he said he'd stop, but he didn't. If my DH told me he'd stop doing something that bothered me, but kept doing it, I'd be bothered too.

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yes, that is it. plus the fact that I feel like he doesnt want me anymore. Like he's able to 'take care of his own needs' without me.
Some of the pictures were really graphic too, that bothers me.

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Let him know all of this. It might may hard, but ask him if he's still attracted to you and if for some reason he's not (which I'm sure isn't the case), you need to ask him what you can do to bring back that attraction. Also, let him know that the graphic pictures bothered you. I too would be bothered if my DH was looking at graphic pictures. Just curious, did you walk in on him looking at these pictures, or did you find them stored on a computer?

Edited for poor wording

i know this is a long shot but it happened to me.
Someone stole my password from my computer and was going to all these Porn sites and i found them all on my computer.
This was Pre-husband...Pre-dating.
I was the ONLY one on the computer, it was mine. And i know it wasn't me. I changed my password, got a good virus scan and it was gone.
Same thing happened to my dad.

If this isn't the case. I would just ask him about it first. The only thing you can do is tell him exactly how you feel. If you love life has been dropping off...well why not re-kindle?

Communication, regardless if you have talked about it before, is the way i would go!

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Posted by june262004

I understand the I asked him to stop and he didn't but why ask him to stop in the first place?

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I think it makes people feel bad about themselves or they just don't get the need to look at nake women when ya have one at home?

I know i wouldn't like it...

Him looking at the pics and their intimacy level dropping off is what is bothering her i think more! I think it is a personal thing that she needs to talk to her husband about...Maybe if she was involved in the looking or maybe if they were more intimate themselves..That would make a difference!

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Posted by june262004

I understand the I asked him to stop and he didn't but why ask him to stop in the first place?

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I know I personally don't mind if DH looks at pornographic material (whether it be a movie or magazine or whatnot), but I do ask if he looks at it, that I be there too. If he started doing it secretly, or if it was graphic (my visions of graphic are really creepy), or if it started effecting our lovelife, I would probably be bothered too.

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Posted by advicefromLIW

this would be very very difficult, as I have put on weight, and am self-consciuous (sp?) about it. I used to have a really cute shape, but now I feel so fat, I'm almost embarrassed to get undressed around him.

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Could you perhaps be pushing him away, uncounsiously, because of your own self image? I know whenever i put on weight, I feel terrible about myself, but my husband could care less. I think we see ourselves in a harsh light, but no one else sees us the same way.

if it bothers you then you need to have another conversation with him and try and get your point across again. i hope it works out and he understands how you feel

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Posted by advicefromLIW

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Posted by Butterflybride

Let him know all of this. It might may hard, but ask him if he's still attracted to you and if for some reason he's not (which I'm sure isn't the case), you need to ask him what you can do to bring back that attraction.
Edited for poor wording

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this would be very very difficult, as I have put on weight, and am self-consciuous (sp?) about it. I used to have a really cute shape, but now I feel so fat, I'm almost embarrassed to get undressed around him.

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Well i think you need to communicate this with your husband!
Maybe YOU are acting differently, maybe the fact that your intamicy level has dropped off because of how you feel about yourself!Maybe in HIS mind HE feels unwanted and that is why he looks at porn

Obviously this is a MUCH bigger issue than him looking at porn!

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Posted by advicefromLIW

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Posted by Butterflybride

Let him know all of this. It might may hard, but ask him if he's still attracted to you and if for some reason he's not (which I'm sure isn't the case), you need to ask him what you can do to bring back that attraction.
Edited for poor wording

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this would be very very difficult, as I have put on weight, and am self-consciuous (sp?) about it. I used to have a really cute shape, but now I feel so fat, I'm almost embarrassed to get undressed around him.

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Perhaps your low self-consciousness is somehow effecting him. Maybe it's putting him down as well and he's scared to be intimate with you for fear of lowering it any more. What if you went to counseling? If you're too scared to discuss it on your own, maybe a counselor could make it easier.

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Posted by palebride

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Posted by advicefromLIW

this would be very very difficult, as I have put on weight, and am self-consciuous (sp?) about it. I used to have a really cute shape, but now I feel so fat, I'm almost embarrassed to get undressed around him.

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Could you perhaps be pushing him away, uncounsiously, because of your own self image? I know whenever i put on weight, I feel terrible about myself, but my husband could care less. I think we see ourselves in a harsh light, but no one else sees us the same way.

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I agree with palebride. Whenever I feel less than attractive, I find myself pushing my mate away. But if this is not the case, i think the best option here is to talk it out with your DH. As much as we all want to help you through this, the only way you can get past this is to tell your hubby you found the photos and voice your concerns.

ETA: I just wanted to stress that you shouldn't blame yourself. Even if you were 'pushing him away', so to speak, that's no reason for him to resort to looking at porn when he already promised to not do it b/c it bothered you. I kind of get a sense that there needs to be little more communication. Go, talk with your husband. And some more

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Posted by oct.2004bride


Well i think you need to communicate this with your husband!
Maybe YOU are acting differently, maybe the fact that your intamicy level has dropped off because of how you feel about yourself!Maybe in HIS mind HE feels unwanted and that is why he looks at porn

Obviously this is a MUCH bigger issue than him looking at porn!

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Jenn...I was just going to say the same thing.
Maybe your insecurities (advicefromliw) IS affecting him negatively and he's looking to another 'outlet' for pleasure....it must go deeper than just nude pics...jmo