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What are appropriate things that I can keep from FMIL that deal with the wedding and what things do you think I should definitely let her in on?

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You don't have to necessarily keep anything from her, just don't ask her opinion! LOL.

I've found that the best approach is the 'I have...' approach. Meaning..'I have done this, I have done that'. Not the 'do you think I...' approach. That's just asking for trouble.

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Misty,

I LIKE your approach

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Very cute Mistyeyed! I've done the same thing, if I knew I was going to get annoyed if she was involved in certain things, my FH and I just went ahead and booked what we wanted... However, there are things that they are helping us pay for, so things like our hall and our flowers, she'd like to be included in... Which I totally understand.

But it's your day! Enjoy it the way you want to! If that means not telling her anything, then don't But to keep peace between your FH and FMIL and you, I'd include her in SOME things! key word here is SOME! LOL!

Edited to give you some things you can include her in on:

1 - Once you have decided on a florist, before actually booking, see if they can make up a sample center piece and have her come and look, but of course JUST TO LOOK!! This way she's included, but hasn't made the decision for you.

2 - Maybe before picking out invites, bring a book over to her and get her opinions on some... Who knows she may have some nice ideas!

3 - If she goes to a wedding in the middle of your planning, ask her to keep an eye out for anything that catches her attention! She might enjoy that... My FMIL, did this for us, and I may actually use her suggestion... But we'll see...

I think that's all I can come up with, I'll try to think of more


Good luck!

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HAHAHA - you guys are to much! I just don't want her to blab everything to everyone else in the family ya know?
Plus, I have tried saying things like: I/We're going to get this or do this....
and she starts in with I don't think you should get this/do that - you've got to do this....!
It's just that I wish I could include her because I want to but she just starts in and makes me regret ever wanting to have a 'normal' relationship.
But thanks for the help!

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It's really hard and it depends on your relationship. FI and I did most things on our own and told them what we did after the fact. We brought his mom and my mom when we had our hall narrowed to 3 and it was a disaster. His mom reduced me to tears! It was so horrible...I am not sure how my 'tough' mom constrained herself that day. After that we decided to keep family out which hurt me and my mom because there is so much as a bride I wanted to do with my mom but then FI's mom would get jealous if she was not included. It really stunk!

I did do all of my dress, veil and headpiece shoppping wiith my mom. I showed FI's mom a picture of my dress but not one of me in it. I really want people to be surprised! Very few people saw the pictures of me in it!!!

We let FI's mom plan the rehearsal dinner (which caused FI and I much much unnecessary stress). I think tradition says that groom's parents pay for that so we got her involved that way. I also tried to involve her with the BM dresses and told her to come when we go to pick out one for FI's sister. But the sister and mother decided on a time that was impossible for me to go and basically excluded me. My only BM that I have not seen in her dress..so sweet of them, huh? I am very bitter over this one (I had told them any weekend in a three month period-Feb-April- and they picked a Friday afternoon. FMIL does not work and FSIL had just quit her job and does freelance 3 days a week! Then they go and call me and say can you get here now...hello I am at work!! I am an IT manager I can't just leave work!)

Sorry to gripe, but in general, I think it really depends on your relationship and if they are paying. You can involve them as little or as much as you want!

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Ok, you're obviously in the 'no fly zone' with your FMIL. My diagnosis is a complete MIL blackout. Meaning just do something, and tell her about it the day before the wedding.

LOL

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I have a very good relationship with my FMIL so I included her in a lot of things. Not the decisions but keeping her in the loop in what we picked. I took her to my last fitting and she almost cried.

But you are not required to include her anything. And if she is going to cause you more stress than I would suggest you don't include her. For your own sanity of course

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Mistyeyed - you had me rolling w/your 'no fly zone' and complete MIL blackout comment. I nearly fell off my chair lol People @ work must think that i'm nutz. hahahahahaha
Thanks for the smile

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LOL. I'm glad I can make you laugh!

I've discovered the no matter how hard I try, my FMIL will find something wrong with anything I do...so laughter is always the best medicine. There is no way to please a woman who is 'losing' a son (I hate that phrase, it's not like he's moving to Guam, he's GETTING MARRIED). I know that one day, if I have a son, I will probably be the same way, so we all just have to roll with it I guess. It's kind of like pledging a sorority!

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I know, but I think I would rather go through hell week than hell year and half lol

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Oh geeze, I can totally relate to what you guys are talking about..

the latest for me was that FMIL told FSIl (who's 19 mind you) when FSIL asked what the hall looked like that if she (FMIL) hadn't liked it, we wouldn't be having it there!!

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fh & i have not really done much for fmil to get involved but i could just sense that it is going to be a doosy...she is very close to her 'baby boy' i am actually dreading the moment.

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WOW - I never thought I would be having such stress from a woman like this. I never wanted anything more than a good relationship w/my mil
oh well, so much for that dream. Guess, I have to step into reality. Please for the past 10 mths we didn't book a hall because she was freaking out. You see her brother's wife has a phobia of highways - so they won't be attending the reception, just the church (which will be in bklyn). She actually sat me down to tell me that she THOUGHT I cared about her son and would do anything for him and that she thought I should know that even though on the day of the wedding he will be smiling on the outside, on the inside he will be hurting and will regret it afterwards. And she also went on to say how she would think I would want to make her happy as well because how can she face them after the wedding if their not there. Meanwhile my fi and I sat down w/the aunt & uncle that won't come and they were really nice about it and apologizing to use about her phobia but, understood that we shouldn't have to settle for a place in bklyn - if we didn't like anything we had seen. Oh and the best was that she said that it shouldn't matter where we get married because as long as I'm in a white dress and there are flowers on the table- that, that should be good enough! I mean, what bride wants to hear something like that, especially after all the planning that goes into it!!!!

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Someone should just write a book, 'Wedding Planning Suc_s' because it can really be true.
I would not mention details that you do not want repeated to her. I would let her decide who she sits with at her table, and about her son/mother dance song. Also, if there is a special photo she wants, like her and her sister or brother that is also nice to ask.
If she asks 'What are you doing about the menu' just say, 'We still have to decide'
Also, caller ID helps.

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WishCandy -- i just have to tell you -- You MIL sounds like a monster!! I give you credit for not slapping her across her face! What an idiot!! That 'he'll be smiling on the outside, but inside he'll be crying' stuff is just too much!! OMG!!!

All I can say is that a lot of people with beautifulo marriages don't get along with their in-laws. Plus, sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people --> not that this b - itch will turn into Mrs. Brady any time soon, but maybe she'll mellow a bit and just talk about you behind your back like any normal nasty MIL would do...

I swear, I'm going over to my MIL's house and giving her a big hug...

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Michele31 and Dora - thank you so much for your help with my craziness. It really means alot that I can come to this website and get good advice and a laugh or two when I really need it the most. All of you girls are the greatest Thank you guys for keeping me sane

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Thank you for helping the rest of us stay sane

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how sweet debbie08

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Shhh don't let on that I am sweet! LOL Than everyone will want me to be sweet all the time LOL