new to weddings...

So, I am a guy, but no other board seemed to cater to the type of request I have.

I dont have much of a family so I cant ask anyone pretty much, and dont want to ask my friends because, well.... but I am clueless as to how to go about this wedding process, even from the beginning.

I am not sure what the difference between an engagement ring is, or a wedding ring, or if there are any other rings involved.

When you ask the girl to marry you, what should be involved? In movies they have rings - what type of ring should it be? I really need a walk through to getting married. I can worry about the subtleties later - I have major problems with general issues now.

But aside from the above questions, here are a few I have:

-What is the typical cost of a wedding?
-Who do you invite?
-How is a wedding organized (bare bones) I mean, what are brides maids and how many are there, do I need them, etc? And are there male equivalents?
-what is the ringbearer supposed to do? do people still use those? what ring is he supposed to have?

I've never been to a wedding before, and have NO idea how these are done, what goes into proposing, or anything of that sort. If anyone could walk me through the process, that would be [b]great[/b]. I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I want to do this as appropriately as possible.

First I have to say awwww.. it's great that you care for her so much!

Okay to answer some of your questions..

Weddings can cost anywhere from $1000 to $100,000 and up.. so basically it depends on your budget, there are a few places that offer very affordable prices that include a lot. Like, Huntington Townhouse, Ariana Waterfall & Stewart Manor. All of them have good websites you can check out. Most them have packages around 8k to 10k that include ALOT, all the basics to a great party for 100 people.

Who do you invite.. well friends and family, maybe some co-workers. Basically the rule I am going by is who are the important people in my life i want to share this special moment in my life with...

Bridal Parties, also a personal choice, some people have none, and some people have 20 .. so it's up to you. I am sure your GF has major ideas about who she wants in her bridal party and what type of wedding she wants as well come to think of it..
But in general, there is a maid of honor, a best man, and maybe 1 or 2 bridesmaids and groomsmen. The Maid of Honor and Bestman are usually your witness. Flowergirls and ringbears are still used and also up to if you want to have them.

Rings, traditionally there is a engagement ring, and two wedding bans, one for you and one for her.

Engagement rings also could be as little as $300 (walmart has some pretty ones under $1000, believe it or not) and can go as high as 20,000 or more.. Midrange and what most guys spend are $3,000 to $5,000 depending on cut, clarity, carat and setting. My ring is 1 carat in a platium setting and my fiance paid about $3,500
Tiffany's and Fortunoff's have some great engagement ring guides on their websites you can download and print out. My best advice is find a reputable and well known jeweler if you can. The diamond district in NYC, 48th street between 5th and 6th ave, I believe may be a good place to start.

As far as the time, place and how to propose, that is up to you, you will know the right time and place.. just go with your heart

Hope this helped and ask any questions you can think of the people on here are really friendly and always willing to help..

Best of Luck!!!

Edited to add: the knot has some good ideas about proposing and ringsTheknot

I'm going to have to second the AWWW! I know, I know, that's not what you were looking for...just couldn't help it.

So yes, I agree with everything Pookiesangel said. Look at your finances and decide how much you are able to spend. If your girlfriend is not a traditional person, she may not even want a diamond engagement ring. A few girls on here have sapphires and emeralds and a slew of other stones. They are all gorgeous. It just depends on her style. But usually an engagent ring is a diamond. A good place to get info on rings is www.adiamondisforever.com. I would suggest going somewhere that's NOT a chain for her ring. My fiance got mine from Kay jewelers and kicks himself because he could have gotten more for his money. Although I could care less, I wouldn't want anything else!

Once you get engaged, your girlfriend will probably have a lot more knowledge on these things. Don't forget that you will both plan all of it together, which can take some of the guess work out of it all.
I would focus on proposing, then let it all fall into place. My fiance and I got engaged when we lived in Boston and decided to have a long engagement so that we could save money and take our time to plan. It's been great and in less than 11 months, we'll FINALLY be married. So if money is an issue, take as long as the two of you need to plan the wedding. Good luck and let us know what other questions you have!

first of all i want to say that this is so sweet of you to do this!

when you are shopping for an engagement ring - do that! SHOP! do not go to buy. learn about cost, size, color, clarity. (4 c's)

keep in mind that you can have 2 diamonds - lets say they are both 1 carat - one may be more clear, with less flaws and cost A LOT more! the tiffanys website is really informitive and you can get educated about diamonds, and get some ideas!

the really great thing about having a wedding is that it can be however big you want OR SMALL! our wedding is about 130 people. i have a tremendous family, which i have cut down to accomadate the size wedding that we wanted. you can also spend totally varied amounts on everything. there is a lot of things that you can do on your own now! that saves money! you both have to decide what is important to you, and then start researching. that is when you come on here and ask us about dj's, bands, photographers, etc.!!

i think youre going to do just fine! good luck and keep us posted!!

-Jennifer

-What is the typical cost of a wedding?

...this depends on where and how big...we did ours for less than $16,000

-Who do you invite?
whomever you want to share in your joyful union...family of both sides, close friends of both sides, friends of parents, co-workers...the list can be
endless

-How is a wedding organized (bare bones) I mean, what are brides maids and how many are there, do I need them, etc? And are there male equivalents?

The number of bridesmaids and groomsmen can be as little as just a Best Man or Maid of Honor, or as many as 16 (like we had!) These are the people that are CLOSEST to you that you want to ask to have the honor of standing up and bearing witness to your union

-what is the ringbearer supposed to do? do people still use those? what ring is he supposed to have?

The ringbearer is a little boy usually and he carries a pillow or box that can hold the real rings, but a lot of people tie fake rings so they don't get lost
Our pillow got lost, so the poor ring bearer had nothing to carry!

How did you find this site?! It is so cute that you asked for help. All the girls have given really good advice. The first step is definitely the ring. You should try to get an idea of her ring size (her left ring finger) and her style. If she wears mostly yellow gold jewlry go for gold, if she wears silver, platinum and white gold I would go with one of those. Check out www.bluenile.com they have info about the 4 C's and shop around. My fiance actually bought my ring from bluenile butthere are many options, like the diamond district in Manhattan (47Avenue between 5 and 6 Aveune).

All the wedding chaos will follow after the engagement and I'm sure your girlfriend will have plenty ideas!

Good Luck!

Welcome to the site. There are a few other grooms here.

I wold just work on th proposal first.

Your girlfriend may know more about weddings & be able to help your more with the details.
I think the national average for weddings is $19,000. Everything in this area is more expensive. I think ours will be around $25,000.


My friend's husband knew nothing of weddings & after he proposed she taped A wedding story on tlc & they'd watch the episode's together.
I thought that was a cute way to learn about a weddings.

Everyone's advice has been right on the money. I agree with 121502 wholeheartedly about not going to a chain. Go to a good reputable jeweler.

Your proposal is what needs to be on your mind first - I GUARANTEE that your Girlfriend (who is extremely lucky) knows a lot about weddings, or at least more than you do at any rate, and knows where to go for more information. Your best course of action at this point is to come up with a really romantic proposal. My fiancee proposed in the place where we first met. I know other women who have been romanced over dinner. Is there a place that's very special to you two?

I also found it really sweet that my fiancee called my parents for permission. Some people think this is old fashioned, but I don't think there's anything wrong with old fashioned.

Finally, DON'T make yourself crazy. The How is not NEARLY as important as the actual proposal itself. The fact that you love your girlfriend so much and that you are asking her to be your wife is what really matters. This is coming from a girl who was proposed to in a Dining Hall full of incoming college freshmen. It was the most wonderful moment ever.

Thanks everyone for your replies! You all have been most helpful in my deliberations. I hope to make this a very special moment in our lives, and want to do all in my power. So that's how I found this site for those wondering (actually was searching for a wedding FAQ but figured forums would be even better!);

Some more questions\responses, though.

I dont think my GF has any more ideas about weddings than I do. She isnt that type of person, I suppose. So I have taken most of it upon myself. Defaulting to her isnt a good idea in my case, although I will do everything she wants I dont beieive she holds strong opinions; it's why I came here. (Of course I planned to consult her, it will be how she wishes but I want to add things she wasnt expecting, make it better, etc.) In anycase, I dont think she would care if I asked her to marry me with a toy ring (obviously not going to happen), but still, I want to do everything right, perfect, and in accordance with tradition.

-Do most weddings\your wedding have flower girls and or ring bearers?
-Do jewelers offer plans to pay off rings or must you buy it all at once?
-How many items of jewelry do I need to buy, and what? (Besides the ring.)

Thanks alot for the pictures btw - that was very helpful.

-Does anyone know a great custom jewelry place? Or inscriber? (to make a note on the ring, or somewhat elaborate picture)
-What is a wedding and gift registry? I saw that at the tiffany's site. Unfortunately, I didint find the section related to diamond quality and the 4c's. If someone could point me to it or another site like it, that would be great. Pictures are really helpful
-BCTM33: are you absolutely sure its the left ring finger that the engagement ring goes on? I have heard conflicting accounts. What finger does the wedding band go on? (male and female)

Thank you all once again!

You are very sweet to do what your doing. I think its great and more men should take notes......
But I have a question for you..How old are you and your g/f?

It is very sweet that you're taking such an interest.

Blue Nile is an online seller of jewelry including diamond engagement rings. They explain the 4 C's and other important things you should know.

Blue Nile Diamonds

Before my fiance proposed, we went to Fortunoff's together so that he could get an idea of what I would like. You may or may not want to surprise your fiance when you propose. It helped my fiance to know my taste before buying. Also, Fortunoff's has a booklet that explains diamond buying. Their sales staff was also helpful in teaching us about diamonds and showing us how to look at a diamond through a loupe (a jeweler's magnifying eyepiece that allows you to see any flaws in a diamond.) We went on a weekday during the day and they were very helpful. You should shop around, though, before buying.

There are no set rules for weddings. Some have bridal parties; some don't. Some are less expensive than others. It's really all up to you. When I first started planning, I was reading the boards here and on theknot.com. That was very helpful. Also, both liweddings.com and theknot.com have planning pages and timelines that detail what needs to be done and when.

Keep in mind that the wedding industry is a business. Try to read as much as you can and get as much education as you can before meeting with vendors.

I am sure your girlfriend will be happy no matter what ring you buy or how you propose.

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Posted by daviddavid

-Do most weddings\your wedding have flower girls and or ring bearers?
-Do jewelers offer plans to pay off rings or must you buy it all at once?
-How many items of jewelry do I need to buy, and what? (Besides the ring.)

Thanks alot for the pictures btw - that was very helpful.

-Does anyone know a great custom jewelry place? Or inscriber? (to make a note on the ring, or somewhat elaborate picture)
-What is a wedding and gift registry? I saw that at the tiffany's site. Unfortunately, I didint find the section related to diamond quality and the 4c's. If someone could point me to it or another site like it, that would be great. Pictures are really helpful
-BCTM33: are you absolutely sure its the left ring finger that the engagement ring goes on? I have heard conflicting accounts. What finger does the wedding band go on? (male and female)

Thank you all once again!

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I am absolutely SURE that the engagement ring goes on the left ring finger. The only exceptions to this rule are cultural, and you'd most likely know it if one of them applied to you.

BlueNile.com and adiamondisforever.com are good places to find out about the 4 C's (Diamond Quality and the like). You will need an engagement ring and then two wedding bands - one for you and one for her.

You do not need a ring bearer and/or flower girl. This is nothing more than a way to include young people you love in your ceremony. If you have no special children in your life, then don't stress over it.

A Gift/Wedding registry is something you create with your fiancee once you are engaged that helps people who want to buy you gifts your style preferences and what you need. It can be ultra elegant (Tiffany's) or practical (Bed Bath and Beyond; Home Depot, Target) or somewhere in between (Fortunoffs, Bloomingdales, Macy's, etc). Your personal style (ie, which stores do you like the best) should help you decide where to register. I am a practical princess, so I went with Bed Bath and Beyond and Macy's. My best friend is a Culinary princess-in-training, so she registered at Williams Sonoma and Macy's. Lots of girls on here can give you their registry experience, but I'd suggest going with stores you already enjoy shopping in.

Finally, I would HIGHLY recommend waiting on the planning until AFTER you've asked her. You can have a long engagement to worry about the planning stages. It's adorable how much you want to help, but I can guarantee that she probably knows more than you think she does.

I will agree with Tourist - propose first. That is a big step, from finding the ring to poping the question. The rest can be figured out while you guys are engaged - unless you plan on getting married that same month.

On average, people take about a year to plan their weddings - that's plenty of time to ask wedding related questions.

To propose you need an engagement ring (for your lady). Depending on the couple, traditionally the guy picks it out, but many modern couples picks it together. The wedding band comes into the picture later. These (one for girl, one for guy) are exchanged during the wedding ceremony.

Start with the engagement ring. As far as that goes, there are a lot of different styles and just as many price ranges. I would recommend
www.bluenile.com to start off.

They have descriptions of all the important aspects of a ring. They have separate ring settings and diamonds, so you can see the types that exist. This should also give you a really good idea of diamonds costs and what you can aim for.

Good luck .

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Posted by Just Me

You are very sweet to do what your doing. I think its great and more men should take notes......
But I have a question for you..How old are you and your g/f?

---

yes, how old are you both?

and yes, the engagement ring and wedding band go on the left hand. What you might have heard, is that during the ceremony some girls move the engagemtn ring to the right hand, and then after the wedding band is placed on, they put the e-ring back over it.

Ok ok...so AWWW from me as well!!!

Most of the things I could say have already been said...but I will suggest this:
Go to a large bookstore, and find the 'wedding' section...get yourself a good all-inclusive book...(ie: Weddings for Dummies)
A good one: Anything by Emily Post - she is an ettiquete author.

This is a good start...

Other input from me:

If you know your girlfriend well, and I will assume that you do, you know whether she is traditional or not. I would say important question:
Have you ever discussed marriage with her?
This is important, because most people this day and age DON'T get 'surprised' with engagement! They discuss it and most likely are on the same page...then maybe the formal 'propossal' is a surprise..as to when and if you present a ring to her at that time.

A lot of people make the decision to propose, and then take thier lady to a store to pick out her own ring! It's a good idea if you don't have anything in mind, because she will have this the rest of her life...and it can be COSTLY.

The American tradition has become 3 months salary on a ring: whatever you earn in 3 months is about what you should spend. I don't neccessarily agree with that...but that is modern tradition; as a general bracket.

one more thing: if this seems fitting, Ask her parents permission before you propose. This is a little 'old world' thing that most parents appreciate and its a great respectful way to start the new chapter in your life. My fiance didn't do it...and it' something my mom would have appreciated...because she's old fashioned. It's like a bonus these days. UNLESS she is VERY culturally savey; European, ANY Hispanic, Greek...THEN YOU SHOULD ASK HER FATHER OR MOTHER if there is no father! THIS IS A MUST!

OK...i'm done. But seriously...get a book, or a few! They are SOOO helpful..and there are tons out there!

Best of luck

You got a lot of good advice so far, I just wanted to add:
For the rings-
my fiance bought a book about buying diamonds and read it thoroughly before buying, as he wanted to be an educated consumer. My public library also has some good books on wedding planning, which include ring shopping. We had been discussing marriage already, so we went and looked at rings together, so he could get an idea of what I liked, but he eventually picked it out himself. I also think Blue Nile has great info and is a good way to put together a ring to get a ballpark idea of what they cost (you can do that on the site.) I actually saw some beautiful rings at Costco that have certification if you can believe that!- my concern there was where I would get it sized if he got it there. He ended up not getting it there, but who would know? LOL. I knew the proposal was coming, but didn't know exactly when or how, so it was nice for the actual asking to be a surprise.

As for the wedding party-
I have a simple, understated style, so I am choosing to have only a matron of honor and a best man. No bridesmaids, no children. It is just how I want it, but as others said, it depends on the two people getting married. I am older and I don't think most of my friends want to be bridesmaids anymore and I just wanted to keep it simple.

Buying a wedding planner, or even getting some books from the library may give you a lot of ideas.
Best of luck to you!

Thanks again everyone!

Another one: :)
So, I couldnt find 'Creations By Nuha, in Tri-County Jewelry section' on the web, and trying several different variants.
Can someone point me to the site?