Newest Thought on where to live after the wedding kinda of long.. thoughts pls

Here’s the latest.

Our cat Buddy is sick. Something’s just not right so we need to take him in. I was debating when and how we can afford this yesterday when the thought of Jim’s grandmother at home without the cat sort of bummed me out. She likes that cat for all that she pretends she doesn’t care one way or another. The cat makes her laugh, sleeps in her room when she’s sick and rubs up against her for love.

So thinking along those lines I realized it would be horrible if his grandmother didn’t have someone to be with. Yeah, I know it’s only a cat but it started me thinking with a bigger picture.

Jim’s brother is a little flighty and his girlfriend (they’ve dated just as long as Jim & I have) probably won’t put up with his laziness of not moving out for long. I think they’ll settled down, I hope so, she’s good for him.

Jim’s sister is off in college, comes home only for the breaks, spring, summer, fall & winter.

Jim’s mother is getting married and will likely move in with her hubby in his place in brooklyn where she spends most of her time now.

Jim & I are supposed to move out in Feb of 05.

Who’s gonna look after his grandmother?

I know I sound like a sentimental old fool, but I lost my grandmother years ago. She didn’t die alone and didn’t go into a nursing home. She came over to our house during the day. Believe it or not, it was my cat she latched onto and played with in her last few months. My cat didn’t really take well with anyone enough to be ‘played’ with but I guess he knew her days were numbered (terminal cancer).

I just can’t imagine letting Jim’s grandmother just waste away like that. She’s already concerned and started moving money into Jim’s name and about a year or so ago moved the house into Jim’s brother’s name because she couldn’t find Jim that day.

Now, she wants to sell her house in Hempstead and move out to Flushing or at least be closer to Chinatown. She really really misses Chinatown. This I can understand. She doesn’t know why she should keep a house with 5 bedrooms if she’s alone. Again I understand.

Now I know this is gonna sound insane and/or mushy but I don’t want to leave her alone. I have asked Jim to consider us co-signing with her on a house in Flushing so she have what she wants and we can live there and make sure she’s not alone. I keep thinking, who will shovel for her, grocery shop for her, take her to the bank, the doctor? Who?

So.. am I insane to think of this even though I REALLY want to waltz around in my own place with Jim in my underwear!!!! Heh

Thoughts?

Hey I truly believe you don't marry the man.. you marry the family.

Odd enough they traditional Chinese believe the same.. which is going to be VERY interesting when they meet my family!!!!!!!!!

Im the quiet one!!!!!!!
Hell Im the only normal one in the gang and for those who've met me you can just IMAGINE what my older brother and father are like!

Seriously though...
I really don't want her to be 'crowded' either. Heck Im willing to just buy this cruddy house in Hempstead and take over the taxes and such just to keep her happy but she really wants to be close to a Chinese environment and let me tell you... Hempstead is NOT that Asian in influence. heh

Wow!!! You FH is so lucky... you are so kind
that takes so much out of a person to say something like this
You are a wonderful and special peron... just wanted to let you know but i am sure you are told that by many people

Your FH really is a lucky guy! Good for you!!!

What does he think?

That is very generous of you. Were you considering living in Flushing anyway? Is this grandmother Jim's mother's mother? What are her thoughts? Has she thought about her mother being alone? I say go for it if you feel it is the right thing to do. You can't go wrong.

I think that is one of the sweetest most unselfish things I have ever heard in my life. I think you should talk to her about it of course, or if she is the type of lady that will consider it more seriously if she is alone with her thoughts, then write her a letter.

Your FH is very lucky...

Girlfriend you are not alone...

Sorry it's long..

FIL's are older than my parents. FFIL is legally blind, and Mike does alot around the house for them, from simple tasks, to shoveling and digging holes in the backyard (FFIL is an avid garderner) and since he's already retired, FMIL works two jobs to keep the income up.

BUT.. FMIL is at times too much to bear

Mike feels responsible for his parents, his brother lives in Ohio, with no plans to move back to NY anytime soon, which is fine because they don't get along.

But the biggest issue for us is money ..(I'm being very honest here) We would love to buy a house or even a condo within the next 3 to 3 years, so we want to save for a big down payment, living with them would be beneficial in two ways,

One Mike would be able to help his parents, and I'd be around (since I work from home) to keep the house and keep his dad company while him and his mom are working all these jobs. ( all three of us work two jobs, but my second job is only two days a week)

Two it would allow us to save the money we need ...

But I too am struggling with giving up our privacy, especially the first year we are married, it's an important time for us, especially since except for college, we've always lived at home..

SO to end my long story.. my advice ( a few people have given me this) is to do what feels best.. for us it will probably mean living on our own but near enough to his parents to be able to help them when they need it..

Never thought of living in Flushing.
For me it's not really a big deal where I live as long as she's happy. Well one thing.. I need parking for my baby. Otherwise I don't care. I work in the City. We have a car (two now) that Jim will use to drive to work in Long Island (Melville).

I've lived in crappy neighborhoods, average neighborhoods and glamours places (texas of course haha couldnt afford it here) and you know what. None of it means a THING if you're home life suks. The fancy place I lived I was never home. I worked so hard to afford it. What good was it? Home really is where the heart is to me. I don't care about moving around, I grew up military. What's new?

This is his Father's Mother. Frankly none of us care for his father. I personally don't care but it freaks me out when I catch him staring at my butt!!!

But I can tell the grandmother loves her only son (her other son died last year). This is why the house is not in Jim's Mother's name because she's really not family (parents are divorced).

I've asked Jim to think of a way to broach the subject to his mother who can then clearly articulate the subject to his grandmother.

Nope I can't write a letter, I dont write in Chinese and she doesnt read English. Jim knows enough Chinese to speak with her but not enough to get into these types of details.

Jim is (Btw) the oldest son of her oldest son. Which does, still, hold a bit of weight in this house.

Me... im the baby of the baby hehehe

Before my grandfather died some of my own family members (who will remain unmentioned) did not think my grandfather needed new fancy glasses that I'll admit were just an expense of luxury when regular ones would do. But honestly, they've lived long enough, isn't it our duty to take care of them? My grandfather just wanted smoothed out trifocals. I sent money from NYC (about
$60) to cover the difference I mean my God, they have so little time left why not make it easy on them. My relative said 'Why waste money on walking dead' that particular relative and I are obviously no longer on speaking terms. That was 3 years before my grandfather finally died.

I've lost all of my grandparents. 4 grandmothers (one was a step and one was a great grandmother) and 2 grandfathers. I was really only close to my father's mother.

I have to admit. I like this old lady. She reminds me of my own, constantly trying to feed me and yells bloody murder if you don't take the food she made by evening. hehe She has no qualms about shoveling herself, if it wasnt that I set our alarm to wake up early on snowy days just to BEAT this old lady to the shovels. She's cool. We can't communicate in words but we both, I think, get the idea we respect eachother.

No bad blood here with his family. I wasn't raised to find faults in others and I don't let others affect me personally. Then again, they don't seem to be the type to want to start trouble either and so we are all civil.

Ive even met Jim's 'other grandparents' His cousins parents or some such way. They told stories of Jim when he was a baby. It was so nice to hear. And yes, they're now invited to the wedding as is only proper.

LOTS of tradition and respect in both of our families.

Im babbling... heh

vernonica that is very sweet and caring of you!...hmm... perhaps a 2 family house in queens? so you can have your own privacy yet still be right there... then godforbid the time comes when she leaves, you can rent out that half instead to cut your expenses...