no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Original post by jenheartsrob

Feb 26, 2007 06:13 PM

DH's friends are getting married in a few weeks. We'll be traveling out of state to the wedding. They traveled out of state to ours. We didn't get so much as a card from them at our wedding. She was invited to my shower and spent about $20. I wasn't invited to hers. What to do? I know I should do the 'right' thing and give a gift, right?

SeptBride70 Posted: Feb 26, 2007 10:34 PM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by AeroJenn

I'm going to disagree with the majority on this one. I would give a card and thats it. No money. They knew better when they went to your wedding and they should know to expect nothing from you now.

I have to agree. They'd get nothing from me in that situation.

me too and they would be lucky to not get a big 'EFF YOU'

july06bride Posted: Feb 26, 2007 10:34 PM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Posted by luvabul

i agree.... with you , JUST a nice card...

I agree- unless you KNOW that it was a financial problem- then a small registry gift...

ammy1403 Posted: Feb 26, 2007 10:54 PM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

You're all a lot nicer than I am...how close is this friend? Did you send her a thank you for coming to my wedding?

I would give a card with a note that says congratulations on your wedding best of luck.

giggles62 Posted: Feb 26, 2007 11:25 PM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by AeroJenn

I'm going to disagree with the majority on this one. I would give a card and thats it. No money. They knew better when they went to your wedding and they should know to expect nothing from you now.

I have to agree. They'd get nothing from me in that situation.

I agree also!!!

Tiggeruth Posted: Feb 26, 2007 11:25 PM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

i agree, do a card and a gift from their registry.

jessamyn78 Posted: Feb 26, 2007 11:30 PM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Perhaps they couldn't afford a gift and felt embarrassed bringing it up. They should have given a card and perhaps a small token.

I would give a modest gift and try not to hold a grudge about it. I understand your frustration, but sometimes we cannot change the way things are.

Mandyin2007 Posted: Feb 26, 2007 11:40 PM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Give a gift, but don't do anything big.

nycgirl79 Posted: Feb 27, 2007 02:30 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

I'd give her a card and something small from her registry (less than $50). Try looking on weddingchannel.com for her registries...

PeteysBride Posted: Feb 27, 2007 07:47 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

I agre with most other people-give a small gift-'d say no more than thirty dollars though because I don't see it so much as she didn't give you a gift, as you weren't even invited to the shower...Personally I consider that more of a snub. I know most people do not plan their showers. HOWEVER, with that said, i am not palnning mine and yet 4 diff people asked me for a list of guests with astericks next to the ones I really wanted there and at the wedding... sooooo if you two were close in her book, you'd have been invited.

JMO.

Be the bigger person but not so big that she can say 'woo I got over.'

Kara and Todd Posted: Feb 27, 2007 08:00 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Be an adult and give a gift because you know it's the right thing to do. Maybe don't be as generous as you might otherwise would, but don't show up empty handed.

I think most of us are far too old to be keeping tabs on who gave us what.

rojerono Posted: Feb 27, 2007 08:18 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

I would go and give money. The same money you would give to anyone else. Unless you aren't the type to give cash. Then I would spend probably $150 on the gift.

SeaMaiden Posted: Feb 27, 2007 08:37 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

they probably thought that their gift to you was travelling to your wedding, especially if they had to stay at a hotel or take off from work. If I were you I would give a card and a small gift, not cash though. No matter how much your gift costs they could never say,'How could she?!' because its more than what they gave.

PattyK Posted: Feb 27, 2007 08:52 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

That's a tough call, but I would say be the better person and give them something either $75 or something from their registry.

DrWho Posted: Feb 27, 2007 09:11 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

I would give a small gift, just in case she asks you if you like the whatever she sent you that went to the wrong address, or ended up with the wrong name on it, or what have you. CYA without breaking the bank.

malagian Posted: Feb 27, 2007 09:21 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Definitly be the bigger person and give gift. Dont go overboard

nmagel Posted: Feb 27, 2007 09:30 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Just pick something off the registry to give them. Don't give cash.

Shmar Posted: Feb 27, 2007 09:54 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

Posted by stephanielyse

I'm a big believer in being the bigger person. I'd give a card and a gift from the registry. Nothing crazy expensive, but not too cheap.

I have to agree with this too. Give an inexpensive gift from the registry. You are traveling to the wedding so no need to spend a lot of money. But be the bigger person. believe me, you'll feel better about yourself when it's all said and done.

Mooshyboo Posted: Feb 27, 2007 10:32 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

I would be the bigger person & still give a gift... that is just me ~ I LOVE gift giving!

Mooshyboo Posted: Feb 27, 2007 10:33 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

good luck with whatever you decide to do!

MeNBobs Posted: Feb 27, 2007 10:38 AM

Re: no gift from guests, now they're getting married...

I would give the gift I would give anyone else for their wedding. Differant states have differant ideas on what is a acceptable gift. At most NY wedding you never see a gift box only envelopes other states look like a bridal shower with tables covered with gifts. Maybe to them travelling was a gift enough, maybe they couldn't afford a gift. I think gifts should be given on a I want you to have this level not a let me match you exactly. You give to give you shouldn't give to receive.

Also this happened at my brothers wedding someoen did not give them a gift a few months later the non-gifters called to ask why the check was never cashed. Turns out they did give them a card it was just lost.

As for the bridal shower I didn't plan mine. I told my friends I didn't want one. In the end they had one for me. Many brides have nothing to do with their shower. Maybe her friends/ family saw you lived oot and thought going would be a hassle. Don't be annoyed you were not invited think of all the money you saved.