Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Original post by akaMrsT

Sep 22, 2004 07:21 PM

I got an invite today for a 10/16 wedding. from a 'cousin' of sorts. Long story but she is not actually related.

The invite was mailed yesterday from Brooklyn for a wedding in Brooklyn from a bride/groom who both live in Brooklyn. I just saw them in May and even gave them the name of my jeweler for the ring since they just got engaged a few months ago.

The RSVP date is 9/25 so I am obviously a C lister.

That is not really my issue though. My mom got her invite in mid AUGUST and the bride knows my mom will have to travel up to NY and will likely stay at my place with her guest.

Also, the invite says bride and groom yaddda yadda yadda ......

'Monetary gifts are encourgaed'

with the quotes on the invite!!!!!

So, bascially I feel like I am only being invited for $$$.

I have no idea where the reception will be held since there is merely [ETA: directions to the reception hall w/o the name of the hall, no address] and no reception card.

And get this - the RSVP has no stamp on it but my mom's did have a stamp.

So, I am considering not even going to this wedding. Am I overreacting?

And this bride knows me well enough to realize that I will shell out for a wedding gift. In fact, I just got confirmation from Tiffany's that the china set I ordered shipped for a wedding FI and I are attending at Rosecliff in Rhode Island on Saturday. They registered for 'honey money' as well as Tiffany's and other places so that is a way to request $ without writing it on the invite. I will report back on that one on Sunday evening.

Opinions are appreciated...........

maralynne Posted: Sep 22, 2004 09:57 PM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Posted by kdrainey

Posted by janwinterbridejoy

i wouldnt send a gift or attend. you can use the excuse that you have other plans do to the the fact that you received the invitation so late. if you feel compelled to send a gift i would send something off her registry or something you pick since they asked for money i wouldnt give it lol

Mom says they did not register. Which would have meant $ anyway w/o writing it on the invite.

HAH! dont go and send them a toaster! everyone already has one of those! he he he.. a little too spiteful i guess but it would be pretty funny!

rrdm782004 Posted: Sep 22, 2004 09:58 PM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I wouldn't attend

exotica776 Posted: Sep 22, 2004 10:09 PM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Posted by julz33

I would send a card (with no money in it) and not go

ditto!!! that is just rude!!! just write a little note.... due to the short amount of time you gave us for the wedding, we have a previous engagement to attend to, but wanted to wish you a beautiful day! kill her with kindness, but DONT GO and DONT send a gift. if you do go.... buy her a gift, like a vase or something ahahahahhaahahah

junebride! Posted: Sep 22, 2004 11:39 PM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I wouldn't go...an empty card is good...or maybe, if you decide you want to send something...make it something you're regifting...the 'ugly thing' in the back of your closet

PerfectPair05 Posted: Sep 22, 2004 11:47 PM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Posted by suven

oh boy...now I'm gonna get it...

we did that to my DH's coworkers...

(well, actually, I went out to the store, bought do-it-yourself invites, made them on my computer, and changed the RSVP date to a later date) I had already run out of my original invites.

But, we are SO GLAD that they attended! And, we really didn't do it for gifts, or to make up our minimum. In fact, we assumed that since we were inviting them so late, they wouldn't even bring gifts. We honestly just wanted to have them there and we just didn't think our room could hold everyone, so we had to do B and C lists.

Well, 2 things... 1) they were co-workers not family even if extended 2) you at least went out of your way to change the RSVP date and make new invites...

This other person is just RUDE

Bunnymonkey Posted: Sep 22, 2004 11:47 PM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

it's so unbelievable how tacky people are!

I heard of a wedding where the bride and the groom had their checking account and routing number included in with the information so guests can just transfer funds into the account.

Can you imagine?!

I think 'monetary gifts are encouraged' is horribly tacky.

I would definitly not go.

me&james Posted: Sep 22, 2004 11:58 PM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I guess I am going to suggest something that may not be proper, but I say, go if you can. I know, I know, it's odd. But there are so many worse things that happen in the world these days, enjoy life, health and your family. They probably got a hall that couldn't accomodate every guest they wanted to invite, and when they got their chance, they invited you. If they didn't really want you there, they wouldn't have sent the invite. Maybe I'm naive. And the money thing, maybe they are not as fortunate as others and it would help them out more than you think. Where I am from, we only give money. No one dares bring a gift to a wedding. The money helps to build a home for a new family, pay for the wedding if needed and start a life together.
So, this probably does sound stupid, but please don't be upset. Be happy that they thought of you at all. If you can't afford it, don't go, and explain to her that you recieved this invite quite late and you didn't plan the time off work, etc. And if you can, send them a small gift. It will be recipricated when it is your time.

bogiedmb41 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 12:19 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

well while i think you should look to the positive of every situation, i still think the monetary thing is extremely rude and i personally would not go.
my FH says you should go and bring no gift
i would write congrats on the invite and say sorry can't make it, call it a day. or send an empty card.

me&james Posted: Sep 23, 2004 12:35 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I guess I can understand though...one of my FH friends fiance calls me up last week and ask if I am going to be attending her bridal shower - funny - I don't remember getting an invite. So I let her know that I had no clue I was invited b/c I didn't get an invite, and she says, oh ya, I sent it to you. I said, 'do you even know my last name, my address???' Of course she replies. But we both know she doesn't. I was going to grill her, but then I felt bad. So she says just call me and let me know if you want to come then. I said, I don't even know where it is....and then brushed her off. Bi**h. Ao now, I have to buy a present and send it to her, to do the 'proper' thing, even though I never got a formal invite, b/c she probably didn't have room, and decided to invite me the last minute. Whatever, no way I am going. But I am sending a gift b/c I am going to have to see her my whole life and don't want her to look at me shady. So understand you being upset. I am too. But, then I think, sometimes, who cares? Screw her.

Dooodles Posted: Sep 23, 2004 06:43 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I think a card and/or simple gift would be perfect

CubanBride Posted: Sep 23, 2004 06:54 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Honestly, I would probably not go, but send a gift card or something. I don't believe these people intended to be rude.

akaMrsT Posted: Sep 23, 2004 08:21 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

My mom is convinced that they did not intend to be rude - that they just don't know anything about etiquette.

My mom expects FI & I to attend, but mostly because she needs a ride or at least to be dropped off since she has no idea how to get around Brooklyn.

However, if we do end up having to attend with my mom, we are NOT giving them a penny. We are taking a card or nice picture frame. Everyone needs a picture frame for all those wedding proofs.

akaMrsT Posted: Sep 23, 2004 08:28 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Posted by me&james

I guess I can understand though...one of my FH friends fiance calls me up last week and ask if I am going to be attending her bridal shower - funny - I don't remember getting an invite. So I let her know that I had no clue I was invited b/c I didn't get an invite, and she says, oh ya, I sent it to you. I said, 'do you even know my last name, my address???' Of course she replies. But we both know she doesn't. I was going to grill her, but then I felt bad. So she says just call me and let me know if you want to come then. I said, I don't even know where it is....and then brushed her off. Bi**h. Ao now, I have to buy a present and send it to her, to do the 'proper' thing, even though I never got a formal invite, b/c she probably didn't have room, and decided to invite me the last minute. Whatever, no way I am going. But I am sending a gift b/c I am going to have to see her my whole life and don't want her to look at me shady. So understand you being upset. I am too. But, then I think, sometimes, who cares? Screw her.

Something similar happened to me with a baby shower. A borderline friend from high school called to get my address to invite me to her baby shower in VA although I had lived in Brooklyn for a few years at that time. I told her that it was nice of her to ask but that I could not attend. There was no way I was flying down to VA on short notice for a baby shower for a not that close friend.

So, I get an invite anyway and find out there is no registry. I was not about to send cash so I hiked up to FAO Schwartz to get a gift - that popular and very cute baby blue stuffed lamb. I had them wrap it and then I shipped it to her.

I NEVER even got a thank you card!!!!!

She still calls once in a while but I never return her calls and barely respond to her e-mail (which typically ask why I have not returned her calls).

I am not a stickler for etiquette but Jeez!!!!

t Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:18 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Just send a nice congratulatory card to them. Just the card.

tourist Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:19 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I'd go and NOT bring a gift!

or bring some ugly salt & pepper shakers or something.

ETA: we just invited somone this week, but it wasa misunderstanding. FMIL swore she gave us her name, but Fh says she didn't. I don't care if I offended her though, I don't know her-- she works with FMIL.

Maribelle7777 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:41 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

some people don't think it's a problem to request money for gifts. IMO I dont' think you should but maybe I'm old fashioned.

I would not be upset about being C listed. We all know that we can't invite everyone. She probably realized that she should have because your mother is going.

I would give whatever you are comfortable giving and if that means money then great and if it means a gift, they'll just have to deal with it.

The stamp could have come off or been forgotten to be put on.

If you think you'll have fun, go. If you think you won't, then maybe you should decline. That's how I see it.

Blu-ize Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:07 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

Posted by exotica776

Posted by julz33

I would send a card (with no money in it) and not go

ditto!!! that is just rude!!! just write a little note.... due to the short amount of time you gave us for the wedding, we have a previous engagement to attend to, but wanted to wish you a beautiful day! kill her with kindness, but DONT GO and DONT send a gift. if you do go.... buy her a gift, like a vase or something ahahahahhaahahah

I agree, don't go, wait until the last possible minute to RSVP then go out and buy the ugliest thing you can find at K-Mart and send it. (I am a B**CH). I may even call her and tell her how tasteless her invite was as I am RSVPing.

dpli Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:21 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I am not ashamed to admit that this is an instance where I might 're-gift' something I already have. I also think I might go if it were important to my mom and to be able to spend the day with her. They do sound clueless and the request for cash is tacky, but going through this wedding process makes me realize that a lot of people are clueless when it comes to etiquette.

My standard response for not going to things I don't want to go to is, 'oh, I am so sorry, but I have a previous commitment...' Now, that previous commitment might be laying on my couch, watching reruns of Law and Order, but usually people don't ask.

didianita Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:28 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

send a card, that's all they deserve

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Sep 23, 2004 11:19 AM

Re: Not sure if I should be PISSED or just ignore it.........

I think that is very tasteless and I personally would not go and not send a gift. I would send back my response with a good luck/best wishes note and that is it.

I can understand teh ABC list too.. But that bit about encouraging $$$ is tacky.