**NOW UPDATED in original post**Need advice on what to do with FSIL...long, sorry...but I am sick to my stomach all day.

As some of you may remember, my FSIL is a BM and hated the color of the BM dresses, accused me of picking pink to spite her and tried to back out of the wedding because of it. This happened a few months back. She also has made a few snide remarks about the wedding to my face on different occassion (ex- she wants me to stop talking about the wedding because I am annoying her, weddings are a waste of money, etc...). Every single situation I have remained calm and never said one rude or nasty comment to her. I have tried to accomodate every request she has made and calmly ignored all rude comments while still holding a big smile on my face.

Now because I didnt want her to think I was being deceptive or trying to go behind her back, I sent out a general email to all of my bridesmaids last week. I explained all of the details of the wedding day and listed my hair and makeup costs. Now this email was long, but it was not rude. I clearly explained that the only thing I asked was they pick a silver shoe of their choice and that they get their hair done (by whomever they wanted). I dont mind if they have makeup done and they can wear whatever jewlery they would like. I even expressed that I wanted their individual styles and personalities to come through.

I mentioned in the middle of my letter that I was thinking of having the BM wear flowers in their hair and I would let them know once I decided.

So FH comes to me last night and tells me that he doesnt like the flowers in the hair idea. I NEVER told him that this was even an idea and immediately realized that his sister was starting more sh*t about this.

Long story short, she emailed him my whole letter last week and called me a PYSCHO CRAZY BRIDEZILLA and called me CHILDISH for asking the girls to possibly wear a flower in their hair. She also called me some other choice names that I havent heard yet since FH wont show me the letter. (even though he keeps telling me he will send it to me).

At this point I am DEFINATELY kicking FSIL out of the wedding party. My problem is her other two sisters will most likely drop out because of this and I am then down 3 BM with just over 2 months to the wedding!!!

FH wont let me talk to her because I have had it with her and I have nothing but nasty things to say to her. At this point I am ready to write her off completely and not go to any more family functions or anywhere that I have to interact with her. I am literally ready to have a major brawl (biting, pinching, hair pulling and punching included)

Any advice of how I proceed with this? Talking with her calmly doesnt seem like an option at this point.

Thanks for reading this.



***UPDATE***
First of all, thank you everyone for showing me so much support and offering up so much good advice. After I went home last night, FH showed me the email she wrote about me. It was not nice and I was very upset still (It literally started by her saying 'You're bride is a nightmare'...and just got worse from there). I explained to FH that I needed him to help me Bridge the Gap that is apparently forming between myself and his family. After a long tear filled discussion, he agreed to talk further with his sister about the whole situation and is going to see if there is a way to bring she and I together to work out some issues. The biggest point that I felt I needed (and accomplished) to get across to FH is that he needs to stand by my side against all odds, including issues with his family. I hope that this one works itself out. For right now, she is remaining in the BP, but is on Red Alert. Until this is talked through and I receive an apology, I am not going to feel comfortable around her or be able to interact with her in any way. Let's see what happens. I will let you guys know.

Thanks for everything! I love all of you!!!

sorry...mine is the same way. wish i had kicked her to the curb...go with your gut, but realize there could be reprecussions.

Seriously, whats up w/the FSIL's being b!tchy ???
Mine are okay, but they decided they arent coming to my bachelerette party...oh well...

Your FH Is the one who doesnt like flower in the hair?? Tell him to mind his biz! LOL

Your FSIL sounds scary...Im sorry

Your FSIL sounds like a immature, selfish biatch. I would definitely kick her out of the BP but maybe use reverse psychology on her. Tell her since the wedding is causing her so much unhappiness and stress, you are doing to release her from her responsibilities so she can just try to enjoy herself as a guest. If her sisters drop out as a result, they are just as selfish because it is their BROTHER'S WEDDING. I seriously hate it when families do stuff like this.

how is your relationship with your FMIL? if you have a good one with her, perhaps you might consider having a sit-down with her, FSIL and yourself and try and hatch things out. i say FMIL cause maybe she will be able to reason with FSIL better.

people who are outsiders always see things differently than us. while you saw your e-mail as informative and such....she saw it as your way of you controlling things. if she doesn't like you to begin with, then telling the entire BP that they must get their hair done, and that you may want flowers in the hair, etc. is yet another 'sign' in her eyes of you being a bridezilla. (i'm not saying you are--i'm just playing devil's advocate) you thought you were being helpful---while she (and who knows if anyone else) thought you were being bossy. so she saw it as more fuel to the fire.

remember--if you kick her out of the BP now (which i don't blame you!) this is an 'incident' that will follow you for years. this girl is going to be a permanent part of your family now. i would try in some shape, way or form to work this out. if you're not close with FMIL--then your FH MUST get involved, and work it out with you two. this will only get worse

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Posted by sr081906

What is FH doing to support you?

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He claims he told her to shut the f up and stop talking sh*t about me....yet he refuses to show me the email in which he 'defended me'....so who knows. Plus he is claiming that he doesnt like the flower in the hair idea and its not because of her, but I am like yeah right. He wants her to stand on his side (along with the other two sisters) So that would make 9 people standing on his side and 4 people standing on my side.

We have been fighting non-stop since last night. We went to bed not speaking to each other and he didnt even say goodbye to me before he left for work. I have called him 3 times to talk today and gotten attitude all 3 times. `The saddest part is that this is our FIRST real wedding related argument. Ok see now I want to cry again....

There is only one word for that and that is JEALOUSY. She's clearly jealous. My advice....
Don't kick her out...KILL HER WITH KINDNESS. You will hate it at first...but SHE WILL HATE IT EVEN MORE. Really! Example 'Oh, you don't like the flower in your hair, OK, then you don't have to wear one. You'll be the only one without one.' LEave her out of things and then say 'Oh, I'm so sorry, you were interested in that...well let me fill you in. ' I'm tell you. Everyone will like you better than her...It'll even make her own brother tell her to shut up. No one can say anything to you when you're nice. They won't have the guts.

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Posted by MJDoc12

how is your relationship with your FMIL? if you have a good one with her, perhaps you might consider having a sit-down with her, FSIL and yourself and try and hatch things out. i say FMIL cause maybe she will be able to reason with FSIL better.

people who are outsiders always see things differently than us. while you saw your e-mail as informative and such....she saw it as your way of you controlling things. if she doesn't like you to begin with, then telling the entire BP that they must get their hair done, and that you may want flowers in the hair, etc. is yet another 'sign' in her eyes of you being a bridezilla. (i'm not saying you are--i'm just playing devil's advocate) you thought you were being helpful---while she (and who knows if anyone else) thought you were being bossy. so she saw it as more fuel to the fire.

remember--if you kick her out of the BP now (which i don't blame you!) this is an 'incident' that will follow you for years. this girl is going to be a permanent part of your family now. i would try in some shape, way or form to work this out. if you're not close with FMIL--then your FH MUST get involved, and work it out with you two. this will only get worse

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FMIL feels the same way as she does, she just has more CLASS and doesnt air her complaints. I thought they liked me, but they obviously have major issues with me. I sincerely believe that FSIL is jealous because she is a 29 year old unmarried mother of an 8 year old and hates me because I have what she doesnt. I personally feel that this will be a continual issue of her not liking me well beyond the wedding and I dont know what to do.

Awwww........dont cry!! he needs to stand by you thats #1! ppl all have their opnions but its your day and the BP should just do it if it makes you happy!! trust me i know how you feel. 1 fsil loves to throw her digs in....now i just say this is what it is..sorry if you dont like it but you had your wedding already its my turn. I do try and take ppls insignt into considersation but theres so much bashing 1 bride can take!!!

smile!!

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Posted by Zistina

There is only one word for that and that is JEALOUSY. She's clearly jealous. My advice....
Don't kick her out...KILL HER WITH KINDNESS. You will hate it at first...but SHE WILL HATE IT EVEN MORE. Really! Example 'Oh, you don't like the flower in your hair, OK, then you don't have to wear one. You'll be the only one without one.' LEave her out of things and then say 'Oh, I'm so sorry, you were interested in that...well let me fill you in. ' I'm tell you. Everyone will like you better than her...It'll even make her own brother tell her to shut up. No one can say anything to you when you're nice. They won't have the guts.

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This is exactly how I responded to the pink dress situation. I offered to let her wear another color of her choice. I dont think she will fall for this twice. She doesnt care if she stands out.

Unfortunately you do need to try and come to some sort of an agreement with her......or force her to do it your way and shut her yap.....like osme of the other girls have said, like it or not she is now a part of your family and you do not want to create a major rift by dropping her. Your FH also has to stand strong by your side. You need to be a united force against her, otherwise you will just be run over. I am so sorry that you are in this situation, and I hope all turns out well.

(I do like the idea of getting revenge by having the photog take bad pics of her and the DJ getting her name wrong and such....its fun to have the last laugh. But I don't reccommend it....she may see that it is being done purposefully - or at least accuse you of it)

At least you're realizing that she can't be around you before your big day!

Someone once told me to surround myself on my day with people who don't aggravate me and that will be there to support me and not offer any criticism.

Your FSIL sounds like the complete opposite. So what if she drops out and her sisters follow. It's there loss, not yours!! Your wedding party may be smaller, but you'll save on flowers, etc for each of them and TIME - b/c there won't be as many photos to be taken with everyone!!! There are also positives in situations like these!!

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Posted by MJDoc12

how is your relationship with your FMIL? if you have a good one with her, perhaps you might consider having a sit-down with her, FSIL and yourself and try and hatch things out. i say FMIL cause maybe she will be able to reason with FSIL better.

people who are outsiders always see things differently than us. while you saw your e-mail as informative and such....she saw it as your way of you controlling things. if she doesn't like you to begin with, then telling the entire BP that they must get their hair done, and that you may want flowers in the hair, etc. is yet another 'sign' in her eyes of you being a bridezilla. (i'm not saying you are--i'm just playing devil's advocate) you thought you were being helpful---while she (and who knows if anyone else) thought you were being bossy. so she saw it as more fuel to the fire.

remember--if you kick her out of the BP now (which i don't blame you!) this is an 'incident' that will follow you for years. this girl is going to be a permanent part of your family now. i would try in some shape, way or form to work this out. if you're not close with FMIL--then your FH MUST get involved, and work it out with you two. this will only get worse

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I am sorry...it is the brides JOB to instruct and be 'bosy' so to speak.. Even if she took it as bridezillaish...too baad...she agreed to be in the wedding party and she needs to deal with it.. I dont think anything you are requesting is outrageous.
I say have your FH deal with it...you have too much on your plate...when my FMIL started to act up, I removed myself from the equation and refused to speak about wedding things with her....so far so good. It is bad enough we have to deal with our own families..

Sorry I rambled. Hoep this helps.

Wow, I don't think there was anything wrong with what you said but I think this probably goes deeper. I'm sorry you have to deal with her....

No offense, but I think your FSIL is a miserable person and she's taking it out on you (she sounds like my FILs.)

You need to sit down with FH and explain exactly how you feel. He may not be able to comprehend what's going thru you're mind unless you are very, very clear. He should definately be supporting you. Has he seen FSIL's letters/emails/heard first-hand what she's said?

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Posted by robynlevy

No offense, but I think your FSIL is a miserable person and she's taking it out on you (she sounds like my FILs.)

You need to sit down with FH and explain exactly how you feel. He may not be able to comprehend what's going thru you're mind unless you are very, very clear. He should definately be supporting you. Has he seen FSIL's letters/emails/heard first-hand what she's said?

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She sent him the email, not me. I dont even know exactly what she said about me because FH wont show me. He has been there when she makes rude comments and always defends her afterwards when we discuss it privately.

AND YES SHE IS A VERY MISERABLE, SELF-LOATHING, INSECURE BIATCH.