NWR: Am I overeacting -- Edited

I need opinions. Two weeks ago I gave FH money to pay off a bill. I was supposed to get the money back right away, but for whatever reason he has yet to make it to the bank and get it back to me.

Fast forward to today...I look at one of our joint accounts online and there is a $250 debit from Home Depot. Kepe in mind the only money in that account right now is mine.

So I call him and he explains that his debit card isnt working (which I knew), so he had to use mine. I am really annoyed because he already owed me a significant amount of money...and just went and took more without asking me..or telling me after the fact!! I wouldnt have minded if he asked! I pretty much just flipped out and told him he is a thief and I hate him.

Edited: Keep in mind I have been asking for my money back for two weeks b/c I have a ton of bills due today! I havent gotten the money - instead -- I find out more is missing! This is why I freaked...normally I wouldnt be as mad...but he knows I need this money

Also, I only called him names because he was acting like it was no big deal, as I explain that I need all my money back!

Am I overreacting???

I would be upset as well...maybe the thief part and telling him you hated him was an overreaction, but you have a right to be angry.

If it were me I'd definitely let him know I was pissed, and I'd tell him that I think its really rude to take from the joint account without telling you, esp when he already owes you money...

...FH and I always alert each other when we're using the joint account for anything other than the usual purposes (bills, groceries, etc).

I don't know that I would have told someone that I hate them. But you're totally justified for ripping him a new one for being inconsiderate, presumptuous, and irresponsible

def let him know to tell you if he is going to do that so you dont get screwed or call the bank and say its an unauthorized transaction

dont call him a thief lmao

---

Posted by jilliibabii

You called him a thief and told him you hated him? Definitely over reacting. You're getting married in a year- what's yours is his. Get used it!

---

I actually dont agree with this. We dont really pool our money. The joint account was created for another reason (dont feel like getting into it)...so what's mine really shouldnt be his

ehhh... he's going to be your husband. IMHO if you are going to act like that and feel that way you should separate your expenses entirely. Sorry, but I think you overreacted a little.

---

Posted by KatieG2010

ehhh... he's going to be your husband. IMHO if you are going to act like that and feel that way you should separate your expenses entirely. Sorry, but I think you overreacted a little.

---

The expenses are separated. They money in that account is only mine.

---

Posted by FallBride2010

---

Posted by jilliibabii

You called him a thief and told him you hated him? Definitely over reacting. You're getting married in a year- what's yours is his. Get used it!

---

I actually dont agree with this. We dont really pool our money. The joint account was created for another reason (dont feel like getting into it)...so what's mine really shouldnt be his

---

I agree you should have your own money, and he should have told you, but when you get married, everything is joint. A joint account should be just that, joint. If he went to Home Depot, I doubt he bought something for fun. You both mutually benefited from his purchase and he will put more money in the account when he has the chance. You don't have to agree with me, it's just my opinion.

ETA: Even though at that exact moment the money in the account was yours, it's still a joint account. And you both contribute to it.

maybe overreacting a little bit... but i totally understand why you did it... the day of FH's aunts funeral we were all out at the bar and our special ended at 8 or 9, so i forgot that i had given FH my debit card earlier because he is pretty broke (i left the bar at like 10 or 10:30 and went home) when i woke up the next day there were 5 atm recepts on the dresser... he took out 500 from my account... he said some of it was for his cousin who asked to borrow money... which is still not ok... i didnt call him a theif or anything like that... but i should have because if i didnt see those receipts he wouldnt have told me... and i wouldnt have found out till later when i either went to the bank or checked my account online.... he still hasnt given me the money back... (this happened a month ago)

he could have came to vegas with me if he hadnt pretty much stole 500 from me...

i got over it, and most of the time we consider whats mine is his and visa versa but $500 is a lot of fukin money

I would have been fuming!!!! I don't think you're overeacting at all. If he would've just called and let you know, it would've been fine-it only takes one phone call

---

Posted by KatieG2010

FH would ring my neck if I was sharing our expense stories on LIW.. ladies ladiessss

---

lol

I think calling him a thief and telling him that you hate him was an overreaction, yes. Saying those things is not addressing the issue, it's just name-calling and that'll get you nowhere.

I'm assuming that whatever he purchased at Home Depot was not a spontaneous, frivilous purchase, and rather something for your home that was a necessary item.

What he needs to hear from you is that he needs to let you know if he's going to be using your account for anything: a $5 purchase or a $250 one, because you don't need to be hit with overdraft fees/think your account was hacked/not have as much money as you think you did in your account.

fha nd i borrow money from eahcother all the time.. usually i just borrow money.. cuz i dont carry cash.. and he only carries cash... so it works out well for me

but out of principle we ALWAYS pay eachother back. sometimes i just go to his 'spot' and take out a few hundred at a time, but i always tell him.

that whole whats mine is urs/whats urs is mine is CRAPPPOLLLA...

1 account (joint) should be wedding money,gifts etc to be spent on the home

and u each should have your own accounts for your OWN spending.

not sure how every1 splits up bills.. but every1 works hard for their money.. no1 should just go and take hundreds form their spouses account without telling them. and def without paying them back.. thats BAWWWWWWWWLS!

---

Posted by StaceyWill

I would have been fuming!!!! I don't think you're overeacting at all. If he would've just called and let you know, it would've been fine-it only takes one phone call

---

Or he could have mentioned it over the last 4 days! I'm not going into as much detail as I can-- but while it's a joint account -- he doesnt put any money in it. We opened it b/c we needed it to show domestic partnership. I'm the only one that puts money it now.

---

Posted by grkbarbie

fha nd i borrow money from eahcother all the time.. usually i just borrow money.. cuz i dont carry cash.. and he only carries cash... so it works out well for me

but out of principle we ALWAYS pay eachother back. sometimes i just go to his 'spot' and take out a few hundred at a time, but i always tell him.

that whole whats mine is urs/whats urs is mine is CRAPPPOLLLA...

1 account (joint) should be wedding money,gifts etc to be spent on the home

and u each should have your own accounts for your OWN spending.

not sure how every1 splits up bills.. but every1 works hard for their money.. no1 should just go and take hundreds form their spouses account without telling them. and def without paying them back.. thats BAWWWWWWWWLS!

---

This is how I feel. I will borrow money on occasion b/c I dont have cash...but I always give it back. FH is super irresponsible with money, so I really dont like lending it. I rarely get it back from him...and right now I really need it.

As for the home depot purchase...it wasnt for my house...I dont know what it was for!

yes, i think you might realize that what you said was uncalled for but these things are unfortunately said during fights sometimes and it just happens but as far as the situation goes...me and Fh pool our money in a joint account and we also have seperate accounts but lets just say all our money was in one account and it was apparent that what was in there was the money i had made or lets just say had 'claim' to cuz thats just how your situation is. i would also be very upset. like you said, you already needed the other money back and now for him to take additional without asking and the fact that you had bills to pay is very upsetting. your fh is supposed to be someone who helps you out when you are in need and have responsibilities, not makes it harder on you.

sorry ladies but whatever her situation is as far as breaking down expenses, etc. isnt the question at hand,