NWR: Am I overeacting -- Edited

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Posted by grkbarbie

if hes bad with money, maybe he should just give u his check and u treat him like a child until he learns how to manage it. .. but in a nice way lol

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I was doing that for a while!! Sad, but true

Just because it's a joint account, regardless of WHO is putting money in, doesn't mean either of you should be able to remove money from it without giving the other one a heads up unless it's for previously, mutually agreed upon purposes.

Therefore, even if he had contributed to what's in there, he should have told you he was dipping in. You have a right to be angry.

But yes, I agree with the girls who said you overreacted by calling him a thief and telling him you hate him. That's not cool.

I would apologize for that, but at the same time he needs to know that themoney int hat account is not for him to do with what he wants, even if it will benefit you. You both need to know what goes on with that account if it's joint.

JMO.

I don't agree with the people who are saying you're getting married so wha'ts yours is his and vice versa.. that's fine once you're married or living together, but while you're enagaged, contempating marriage, you are not married. And if you are not living together, you have every right to have seperate finances. In fact, it's smarter that way.

This is why Judge Judy says don't get joint accounts if you're not married :-P

In all seriousness though, you were wrong for calling him names, but he was wrong for taking the money. Period.

I would have reacted the same way. We use to have a joint account and FH would take money without telling me. I would find out when a check bounced or when i tried to use my card and it would be declined. I would get so angry I too would curse him out. I closed the account and will never pool money again.

I dont beleive in that everything is joint once you get married thing. I think even though you are married and totally in love you should have your own. I have my regualr checking and savings that he knows about...doesnt have access to but still knows about, but I also have a savings account in another bank that he doesnt even know I have. I dont find anything wrong with that.

I too expect to be paid back if he asks me to 'borrow', husband or not.

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Posted by JLWSJC

Just because it's a joint account, regardless of WHO is putting money in, doesn't mean either of you should be able to remove money from it without giving the other one a heads up unless it's for previously, mutually agreed upon purposes.

Therefore, even if he had contributed to what's in there, he should have told you he was dipping in. You have a right to be angry.

But yes, I agree with the girls who said you overreacted by calling him a thief and telling him you hate him. That's not cool.

I would apologize for that, but at the same time he needs to know that themoney int hat account is not for him to do with what he wants, even if it will benefit you. You both need to know what goes on with that account if it's joint.

JMO.

I don't agree with the people who are saying you're getting married so wha'ts yours is his and vice versa.. that's fine once you're married or living together, but while you're enagaged, contempating marriage, you are not married. And if you are not living together, you have every right to have seperate finances. In fact, it's smarter that way.

This is why Judge Judy says don't get joint accounts if you're not married :-P

In all seriousness though, you were wrong for calling him names, but he was wrong for taking the money. Period.

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i fully agree. joint (even if lets say it was understood to be joint in your situation) does not mean, take out large sums withtout telling the other person. even for practical reasons like overdraft and stuff, ya know

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Posted by jilliibabii

You called him a thief and told him you hated him? Definitely over reacting. You're getting married in a year- what's yours is his. Get used it!

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I don't agree with this :)


The key term here is 'getting' you're getting married not married yet so you can't get used to it. I believe calling him a thief and saying you hated him was over the top but we all get angry and make mistakes, just learn from them. Learn that especially as a wife, you have to be careful what you say to your man because you can tear him down or build him up and you want to be your man's number one builder upper (lol)

In any case, I think you should calm down and sit with him and explain to him why it bothers you so much about the money and apologize for your reaction and ask him to respect the trust you two share by repaying money to when he says he will.

This was actually a good thing because now you two can talk about money and how you will handle it when you're married. Him owing you this money must not have been the first time becasue it seemed to have upset you alot so share with him that he needs to manage his money better and maybe you can come up with a plan together.

Good luck hon!

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Posted by grkbarbie

if hes bad with money, maybe he should just give u his check and u treat him like a child until he learns how to manage it. .. but in a nice way lol

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ita - i don't think you overreacted if thats the way you two do things than it is fine.

in my opinion, if you feel that him using your money is something that bothers you then he shouldn't have access to your account.
you said you only have the account in both of your names in order to show domestic partnership which means for insurance reasons one of you are benefiting. if he is the one covered under your plan because of this then i think he should of thought twice before just taking the money. however, since you are getting married & he does have access to the account i do feel that you are overreacting.

if i ever told FH that i hated him, especially over money, he would move out before i got home.

money is one of the biggest fights that couples have & i really hope that you two have a big conversation about this ASAP.

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Posted by FutureJOC

FI and I have a joint account where all our mutual bills are paid - we both contribute to it (rent, phone bill, cable) - we even have a separate one for the wedding and house saving. But my own personal bills (my credit cards, mani/pedi, clothes, etc) I have my own personal account for that.

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FH and I have the exact same setup and it works out well.

I totally agree. This is a HUGE deal that you need to work out, especially if he is 'irresponsible with money.'

And if his debit card isn't working, you should have him go to his bank, make a withdrawal and deposit it into your joint acct.

NO ONE should be spending your hard-earned money without your permission, especially when they already owe you!!!

in your situation, i would be annoyed since this was your account and your money and he did it without asking. i would definitely talk to him about it so it doesn't become a regular occurence.

for me personally, fh and i have one joint bank account....and if he went to home depot and spent $250 i would still probably be a little upset bc to me thats a big purchase that should be discussed since money is tight!

i think youre going a tad overboard, yes stress the fact that he should have told you before hand, but the reality is that yes yours will be his and his yours but by your reaction i would say to talk to him about this whole situation more

lol i cant believe you called hima thief lmaooo

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Posted by Jna2010

i think youre going a tad overboard, yes stress the fact that he should have told you before hand, but the reality is that yes yours will be his and his yours but by your reaction i would say to talk to him about this whole situation more

lol i cant believe you called hima thief lmaooo

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LOL. I was so mad at the time and he was acting like it wasnt a big deal. This isnt our first fight about money. he 'borrows' often and I never get it back. He makes just as much -- if not more than me-- so he shouldnt need to take my money ; ) I know, calling him a thief was a bit much, but at the time I thought he deserved it! LOL