NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
Original post by LisaJill
FI and I have been together for almost 4 yrs. He is 31, I am 28. We have been living together for over a year. After living together for a while, I found that he was not receiving ANY credit card bills or bank statements or cell phone bills. They were all going to his moms. Every month, his mom would review all his bills and pay them from his checking account (which she shared!). In June of this year i finally said enough. We had a WAR. He would bring his laundry to her once every week or two to do, she made his lunches, he would sleep there a lot, and she paid his bills! So after fighting ALOT, he finally got his own bank account and did his own laundry (I know she still does some!). Well today I find out that when he goes to her he brings all his button downs and leaves them with her and she irons them for him. This is freaking ridiculous. He is a GROWN MAN. He could easily drop off his shirts at the cleaners for like a buck a shirt. Insteady mommy does it. And he has this sense of greatfulness because she 'helps him out' so much. I am totally sick of this nonsense. I told him I wanted it to stop and his statement, 'you don't appreciate how much this helps me' and 'I don't see my fiance doing my ironing'. Is he kidding me? He certainly has time to play freaking videogames! He could def. do his own laundry and ironing. I just addressed this and he got up and walked out, telling me I nag. I hate that he doesn't just see this bothers me and stop it, and I hate that she doesn't tell her 'baby boy' that she is not his freaking slave. I am sooooo PEEVED. He just left! Am I wrong for being really irate about mommy's laundering service? Please advise!!!
JanuaryBride06
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
Posted by Emr12575
I'm so sorry you are going though this but yes I think you are wrong. Unless you are willing to take over the ironing or taking his shirts in to be ironed (like most wifes) than you are not working to build a stable relationship for marriage either.
Seriously, can anyone explain to me how doing housework creates a stable relationship? Mr. Emr12575, care to share?
Blu-ize
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
Lisa-you have FM
LisaJill
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
It was sooo him, i know it. I mean, I recognize that I asked for advice because I needed to know whether I was overacting to all the issues.... but 'like Most wives' doing laundry and ironing???? That is just insane. I work 11 hour days and that is ridiculous. He probably looked at my cookies.. and my name isn't that hard to figure out... nor are the circumstances. I really hope if it was him, that maybe he read and considered all the wonderful opinions that you ladies have given.
Blu-ize
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
Posted by LisaJill
It was sooo him, i know it. I mean, I recognize that I asked for advice because I needed to know whether I was overacting to all the issues.... but 'like Most wives' doing laundry and ironing???? That is just insane. I work 11 hour days and that is ridiculous. He probably looked at my cookies.. and my name isn't that hard to figure out... nor are the circumstances. I really hope if it was him, that maybe he read and considered all the wonderful opinions that you ladies have given.
Lisa-I know it's not going to be a peaceful night for you if this is the case...hang in there...
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
Posted by LisaJill
It was sooo him, i know it. I mean, I recognize that I asked for advice because I needed to know whether I was overacting to all the issues.... but 'like Most wives' doing laundry and ironing???? That is just insane. I work 11 hour days and that is ridiculous. He probably looked at my cookies.. and my name isn't that hard to figure out... nor are the circumstances. I really hope if it was him, that maybe he read and considered all the wonderful opinions that you ladies have given.
It's really ridiculous that he would come on here and read your posts. It's almost an invasion of your privacy. I know this is a public forum, but most of us girls come on here to vent and chat and it's our time away from our FH. Besides, if he's not even a member and just registered to spy, that's even worse.
enjft
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
Posted by LisaJill
It was sooo him, i know it. I mean, I recognize that I asked for advice because I needed to know whether I was overacting to all the issues.... but 'like Most wives' doing laundry and ironing???? That is just insane. I work 11 hour days and that is ridiculous. He probably looked at my cookies.. and my name isn't that hard to figure out... nor are the circumstances. I really hope if it was him, that maybe he read and considered all the wonderful opinions that you ladies have given.
suven
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
oh, Lisa. If this is him- good grief!!!
You are an attorney, correct? Not to be 'stereotypical' but, my guess is that you do not buy into to the whole 'wives take care of shirts' logic.
If this poster IS him, you have much bigger problems to consider than just the relationship with his mother.
With all due respect to the other ladies, I do NOT think you should speak to his mother about this AT ALL. NOT AT ALL. These issues are for both of you to resolve. His mother should NOT be involved in your relationship any more than she is already involved.
LisaJill
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
I can't speak to his mom because then she will call him and play victim. she will tell him I have made her feel uncomfortable or upset her and then I will be the bad guy. I know that he will automatically go into protector mode and tell me that I am creating more 'friction' and that everything is my fault.
Oh, fyi, I called him when that 'you are wife' post went on and at first he didn't answer the phone saying he had just walked in the door and then he told me he was on line doing 'stuff'. Hmph.
Oh and yes I am a lawyer and there is NO WAY that I could possibly wipe his bum for him, he should do it himself! Plus, it is not exactly sexy to have your FI be so mom-reliant... not exactly the biggest turn on.
12-3Princess
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
OMG LISA IS THAT HIM???
I FEEL SO VIOLATED!!! HA!
THIS IS A PRIVATE COMMITTEE MEETING BRYAN!
No, but seriously Lisa, if that was him, his post makes it REALLY clear that he doesn't get the problem....
Bryan, this truly is serious. You know the future is not going to work like this... that is one thing you both agree on... why can you not understand Lisa's point of view? I do not think she's asking for too much - I am not just taking her side cuz I'm her friend. I tell Lisa what I really think and don't always say she's right... But this issue is major and SHE is not being unreasonable! When you get engaged, FW becomes number one and you work together, without walking away from problems or sweeping them under the rug and pretending they don't exist. If you can confront and deal with the problem it will make you guys so strong in the long run. If you can't, you will NEVER make it. I don't think that's what you want. I have been through this - see my long @$$ post on this thread- if you want to talk, get my email from Lisa. I will try to mediate if you guys want. Can't hurt to try.
Jackie&Justin
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
First of all . Next, I know it is hard, but I think you really need to think about what is really bothering you, is it the ironing shirts or is it something deeper like he is not attentive to you or he is lazy in the relationship, ect.....A marraige doesn't break up over laundry, I think something else is bothering you...Feel free to FM me if you want to chat, we are all here for you and can only imagine how hard it is to contemplate whether or not you should be getting married. Remember, he won't change, so you have to decide soon....I am very sorry for all this.... Keep us posted..
espresso
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
edited-
oops, sorry, I didn't read the last few posts here.
klingklang77
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Re: NWR: Am I wrong for thinking this is ridiculous? (Do I call his sister??)
that post is so him. you can just tell the way he refers to her as 'mom' towards the end. in most of the post he says his mom, then toward the end he just says mom.
i.e. 'don't think mom ironing his shirts makes him inmature, it makes him lazy. I'd bet if you as his FW started to iron his shirts than he wouldn t have to go to mom.'
most people wouldnt say just 'mom', if they were an outside party, that is something that is said by people that are either him or his mom.
sorry, just a little psych linguistic approach to that.
on another note, you guys do need to straighten this out before you get married. personally i hate ironing and i wouldnt mind if he brought that to his mom's house, but that is just me. but he does need to cut the cord and grow up. i think he needs councilling b/c the way you describe his growing up situation, he doesnt understand what it is to live on your own.
also if he is posting through this website to talk to you, then that is just immature. i mean from what you describe as him not talking to you, but he can post thru a forum, then that suggests communication problems, which you definately need to sort out before you get married. if he cant get this problem with you figured out then how will you combat bigger problems in the future if you cant talk to each other????
sorry this is all happening to you.
out of curiousity, do you know how him and his previous girlfriends broke up? was his mother a problem as well??
