NWR: Guy/girl friend issue

I'm still struggling with something and I need someone to help me put it in perspective. I try think it's ok for guys and girls to be friends even if they become friends after you're engaged. I just can't figure out why it bothers me that they are friends. I would really appreciate if someone could share their situation with me about this....but please don't share your situation if you don't believe that males and females should be friends. I need help dealing with it but I don't need to make myself more upset. TIA!!!!

edited to clarify the original post because I don't want to make it sound like I don't want everyone's opinions

anyone?

My FH has female friends and I have male friends. I don't see why I should give up (same for him!) years of relationships because we are marrying someone.

I love FH and we had an open discussion about it. We trust each other and undestand that those relationships are just friendships. We never dated them before and never intended on doing so.

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Posted by sr081906

My FH has female friends and I have male friends. I don't see why I should give up (same for him!) years of relationships because we are marrying someone.

I love FH and we had an open discussion about it. We trust each other and undestand that those relationships are just friendships. We never dated them before and never intended on doing so.

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Same here. I am so with you on this.

more specifics in regard to your situation?

i think it is ok for guys and girls to be friends after engagement, but i think it depends exactly how close they are. if they are spending a lot of time 2gether and it is hurting your own relationship, then that is a problem.

ETA- i think it is in a woman's nature to be territorial about other women. i mean take a look at the dynamics of FMILs and their sons fiancees.

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Posted by klingklang77

more specifics in regard to your situation?

i think it is ok for guys and girls to be friends after engagement, but i think it depends exactly how close they are. if they are spending a lot of time 2gether and it is hurting your own relationship, then that is a problem.

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I agree with you. FH and I have agreed that our friends are important but we can find an happy medium so it does not interfere with OUR relationship. But that applies to both our female and male friends. In another word, no we cannot go out with our friends every other night. That would not be very constructive to our live together.

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Posted by klingklang77

more specifics in regard to your situation?

i think it is ok for guys and girls to be friends after engagement, but i think it depends exactly how close they are. if they are spending a lot of time 2gether and it is hurting your own relationship, then that is a problem.

ETA- i think it is in a woman's nature to be territorial about other women. i mean take a look at the dynamics of FMILs and their sons fiancees.

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Well he's always looking for new people to be friends with and befriended a girl whom he talks to every once in a while over email and the phone. They don't hang out and if they did I'm sure I'd be invited but she sorta has feelings for him because he's a great guy. She's well aware that he's engaged and says she doesn't mind just being friends but you know how girls think....there's always a bit of hope in their mind.

Oh... that's a different story. She seems to have an agenda. Honestly, I would 'lean out' the agenda people and explain to FH why. Guys are sometimes clueless and naive when it comes to women (and their calculated mind!!!).

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Posted by sr081906

Oh... that's a different story. She seems to have an agenda. Honestly, I would 'lean out' the agenda people and explain to FH why. Guys are sometimes clueless and naive when it comes to women (and their calculated mind!!!).

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Well said. It does not matter to some females whether or not the guy is married or engaged. Some females are just trifling and out of place. Sometimes I think they forget that they are females as well and they should be mindful of their actions because it will turn around on them.

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Posted by jenny4230

The thing is....he knows he's not doing anything wrong and I guess honestly sees her as someone who would be good to be friends with. When I mention something to him he thinks all girls are jealous.

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Men can be so naive sometimes. Think about it this way that maybe he knows deep down inside he is not looking for anything from this girl that is why he may see her as innocent as well.

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Posted by jenny4230

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Posted by klingklang77

more specifics in regard to your situation?

i think it is ok for guys and girls to be friends after engagement, but i think it depends exactly how close they are. if they are spending a lot of time 2gether and it is hurting your own relationship, then that is a problem.

ETA- i think it is in a woman's nature to be territorial about other women. i mean take a look at the dynamics of FMILs and their sons fiancees.

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Well he's always looking for new people to be friends with and befriended a girl whom he talks to every once in a while over email and the phone. They don't hang out and if they did I'm sure I'd be invited but she sorta has feelings for him because he's a great guy. She's well aware that he's engaged and says she doesn't mind just being friends but you know how girls think....there's always a bit of hope in their mind.

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Where did he 'befriend' her? Is she a work friend? I have to say , I think you just answered your own question though. She has feelings for him. So, therefore, they are not friends. Not in her eyes atleast. Watch When Harry Met Sally - Billy Crystal lets us girls 'behind the curtain' on this very subject. There are rare instances when a guy and girl can be friends (i'm talking good friends - not casual hang out friends) ...but it's rare. Have you brought any of this up to him?

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Posted by jenny4230

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Posted by klingklang77

more specifics in regard to your situation?

i think it is ok for guys and girls to be friends after engagement, but i think it depends exactly how close they are. if they are spending a lot of time 2gether and it is hurting your own relationship, then that is a problem.

ETA- i think it is in a woman's nature to be territorial about other women. i mean take a look at the dynamics of FMILs and their sons fiancees.

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Well he's always looking for new people to be friends with and befriended a girl whom he talks to every once in a while over email and the phone. They don't hang out and if they did I'm sure I'd be invited but she sorta has feelings for him because he's a great guy. She's well aware that he's engaged and says she doesn't mind just being friends but you know how girls think....there's always a bit of hope in their mind.

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Does this make you upset that the girl has feelings for your man?

Yeah probably....sometimes I wish my biggest issue was how to wear my hair on the wedding day but I worry more about these stupid things then I do about anything else that it makes me not want to do anything for the wedding

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Posted by qdavis

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Posted by jenny4230

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Posted by klingklang77

more specifics in regard to your situation?

i think it is ok for guys and girls to be friends after engagement, but i think it depends exactly how close they are. if they are spending a lot of time 2gether and it is hurting your own relationship, then that is a problem.

ETA- i think it is in a woman's nature to be territorial about other women. i mean take a look at the dynamics of FMILs and their sons fiancees.

---

Well he's always looking for new people to be friends with and befriended a girl whom he talks to every once in a while over email and the phone. They don't hang out and if they did I'm sure I'd be invited but she sorta has feelings for him because he's a great guy. She's well aware that he's engaged and says she doesn't mind just being friends but you know how girls think....there's always a bit of hope in their mind.

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Does this make you upset that the girl has feelings for your man?

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Of course it makes me upset....I guess like someone else said- I'm a girl and I'm territorial

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Posted by jenny4230
Well he's always looking for new people to be friends with and befriended a girl whom he talks to every once in a while over email and the phone. They don't hang out and if they did I'm sure I'd be invited but she sorta has feelings for him because he's a great guy. She's well aware that he's engaged and says she doesn't mind just being friends but you know how girls think....there's always a bit of hope in their mind.

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yes she has an agenda of some sorts. i think i would be a little freaked out as well. right now they arent close, but if they get closer and that makes you uncomfortable, then i would suggest having a talk with him.

on another note, i read somewhere a few weeks ago that attached men (married, engaged, dating) are more attractive to women, b/c they carry the scent of a woman on them.

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Posted by klingklang77

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Posted by jenny4230
Well he's always looking for new people to be friends with and befriended a girl whom he talks to every once in a while over email and the phone. They don't hang out and if they did I'm sure I'd be invited but she sorta has feelings for him because he's a great guy. She's well aware that he's engaged and says she doesn't mind just being friends but you know how girls think....there's always a bit of hope in their mind.

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on another note, i read somewhere a few weeks ago that attached men (married, engaged, dating) are more attractive to women, b/c they carry the scent of a woman on them.

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This is so true. Men are more appealing when they are wearing that ring on their finger.

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Posted by klingklang77

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Posted by jenny4230
Well he's always looking for new people to be friends with and befriended a girl whom he talks to every once in a while over email and the phone. They don't hang out and if they did I'm sure I'd be invited but she sorta has feelings for him because he's a great guy. She's well aware that he's engaged and says she doesn't mind just being friends but you know how girls think....there's always a bit of hope in their mind.

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yes she has an agenda of some sorts. i think i would be a little freaked out as well. right now they arent close, but if they get closer and that makes you uncomfortable, then i would suggest having a talk with him.

on another note, i read somewhere a few weeks ago that attached men (married, engaged, dating) are more attractive to women, b/c they carry the scent of a woman on them.

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Of course they're attractive, because obviously if I'm with him then he's a great guy and something she'd probably be looking for. Like you said they aren't close and I have talked to him about it but when I discuss it with him, it sounds so stupid because there's nothing wrong with being friends with someone.

I've heard that men get hit on more when they have a wedding ring on! crazy

how did you find out that she has a thing for him? Did he tell you this or did she actually tell your fiance that she liked him?

If she told him directly, then I would absolutely insist that they should not be friends.

And if it's just something that he thinks, why does he think so?

It seems odd to me. Not that I think your fiance would act on it. Does he just like the attention of other girls?