NWR: having kids

I dont have any kids but i live with my sister and neice. My neice is a spoiled brat but i love her to pieces. The thing is...you are going to be raising the kids not someone else, so from when they are little they are going to know the rules that you need them to follow. i get mad at my parents all the time because i never want them to give into my kids they way they do with my neice.

I dont think I want kids anytime soon. FH wants kids-he is an only child-he always talks about having them and it drives me nuts! he even told me what he wants for Christmas in 2008...he says what a coincidence that it is nine months after our wedding!! not gonna happen!!!

I am not ready for kids and dont think i would be able to be a great mother until i am.

i just graduated from college and will soon start teaching elementary school, during student teaching i was shocked to see how some kids act around adults. they had no respect for any of the teachers, but again not something to make anyone not want to have kids because you will obviously raise your kids your own way

Honestly, I have gone back and forth with the kids issue my whole life.

I know I want kids, ultimately, but sometimes I become unsure. I do know for a fact that I am going to wait a while until I start my family.
My main concern is the whole working mother thing. I know I will never want to be a stay at home mom, and at the same time I don't think I'll ever be truly comfortable leaving my kids with someone else. I know people do it all the time and its unavoidable, but I just think it ***** that we, as women, have to make that decision. FH and I have even discussed (more jokingly than anything) him being a 'stay at home dad'.

I'm certain though, that everyone has doubts at one point or another about their desire for children and their ability to be a good parent...

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by truelove5803

I wouldn't worry yourself about it right now. You have plenty of time to make your decision, and besides, you have enough to worry about while planning your wedding. As of right now, plan on waiting about a year or two after you get married. That way you can enjoy married life, before you begin parenting. I think over time, you'll know your answer. There is no reason to panic right now. Just take it one day at a time, and when the time comes, you'll know what you want to do.

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thank you for such a sincere answer

i think i am freaking bc i have always been the type that wanted like 14 kids - and this is a huge change for me, having these doubts. . .you are right though we will figure out our final answer together ( unless someone else decides for us, first lol)

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I've always been the same way. I have always loved kids, and growing up I wanted to have like a million kids! Now that I'm closer, I have definately decided that Fh and I will wait til about 2 years after marriage.

Since we are getting married, the talk of having kids has come up. I have always loved kids, and always wanted a few. FH wants to have kids too.

But now that marriage and a family are becoming more of a reality, I began to think. My younger brother is deaf. And Often times it is hereditary. My mothers cousin is also deaf. But being around all of my brothers friends, many of them have deaf siblings as well.

I know how well we handled it in my family, but I have always been bothered by people who think of my brother as 'the cute deaf kid'.

When I was younger I spoke to my mom about it, and she mentioned a poem someone showed her. So I found it... I have always thought it was really really sweet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

'Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.

'Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.

'Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.'

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, 'Give her a handicapped child.'

The angel is curious. 'Why this one, God? She's so happy.'

'Exactly,' smiles God. 'Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.'

'But has she patience?' asks the angel.

'I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independance. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy.'

'But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you.'

God smiles. 'No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.'

The angel gasps, 'Selfishness? Is that a virtue?'

God nods. 'If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

'I will permit her to see clearly the things I see --- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice --- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.'

'And what about her patron saint?' asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. 'A mirror will suffice.'

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Julybride08

When you have your own kids it's tottaly different. My cousisn kids who I watch all the time are horrible. I mean like her daughter is 6 years old and saying that her older sister who is 10 wants to have S e x with eminem. Where do 6 year old kids get this from?? Well it's from the parents. Thats how my cousin acts around them. cause when I told her about it she laughed like it was nothing. You will be a great mom. Don't worry about it.

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OMG THAT IS SOOO SIMILAR to what happened to me - the 5 year old was saying the 10 year old wanted to have sex with the boy across the street and they are myspace friends - then she was saying she liked big (( something that a girl has not a boy)). . . .now i guess adults talk like this in front of them but in MY family - forget it, we always make kids leave the room before we talk about anything inappropriate - i mean stuff slips out but c'mon!!! i am definitely prude about certain things but what if she goes to pre school and talks like that! if i were her mother i would DIE of embarassment!!! you should have seen my face i must have looked like an 80 year old grandma i was horrified!

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lol i know!!! it's horrible!!! There so bad. And they do this in public too. My cousin is so immiture so thats why she is like that. She was pregnant at 17 and has 4 kids now with 3 differnt guys. they talk about the most gross and disturbing this...at the dinner table. Like her husband was teaching her son about Ti tt y Twisters....who would say such a thing to a kid that is 6??? I was motified!!!! And they think it's funny. Don't worry. Your not like that. And that why those kids are. They get it from the parents!!!

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Posted by ShanonandSteve

Since we are getting married, the talk of having kids has come up. I have always loved kids, and always wanted a few. FH wants to have kids too.

But now that marriage and a family are becoming more of a reality, I began to think. My younger brother is deaf. And Often times it is hereditary. My mothers cousin is also deaf. But being around all of my brothers friends, many of them have deaf siblings as well.

I know how well we handled it in my family, but I have always been bothered by people who think of my brother as 'the cute deaf kid'.

When I was younger I spoke to my mom about it, and she mentioned a poem someone showed her. So I found it... I have always thought it was really really sweet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

'Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.

'Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.

'Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.'

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, 'Give her a handicapped child.'

The angel is curious. 'Why this one, God? She's so happy.'

'Exactly,' smiles God. 'Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.'

'But has she patience?' asks the angel.

'I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independance. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy.'

'But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you.'

God smiles. 'No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.'

The angel gasps, 'Selfishness? Is that a virtue?'

God nods. 'If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

'I will permit her to see clearly the things I see --- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice --- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.'

'And what about her patron saint?' asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. 'A mirror will suffice.'

---

I'm tearing.

Ive always thought it was beautiful.

my mom has it on a piece of paper that is practically falling apart, she has read it and showed it to people so many times.

There is a famous Sex and the City episode...when Charlotte and Trey desperately want to have kids, and Charlotte runs into her friend who has 3 kids, and invites them over for dinner. Wich was pure chaos...and as Charlotte and Trey are in bed that night, Carrie narrates and says that Trey said something that all parents tell themselves 'Dont worry our kids will be different'

YEA RIGHT!!!!!!!

Unfortunetly life throws this to some of us. And hopefully he throws it to the ones who can deal with it and care for these children in the best way.

FH and I want kids!! But we too think about what we may have to face as parents. I am a teacher (and special ed certified) and FH is a school psychologist so it is def something that we think about often, but I dont know if it would stop us from having children. We hope that when we do they will be healthy, but who can guarantee that?

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Posted by Julybride08

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Julybride08

When you have your own kids it's tottaly different. My cousisn kids who I watch all the time are horrible. I mean like her daughter is 6 years old and saying that her older sister who is 10 wants to have S e x with eminem. Where do 6 year old kids get this from?? Well it's from the parents. Thats how my cousin acts around them. cause when I told her about it she laughed like it was nothing. You will be a great mom. Don't worry about it.

---

OMG THAT IS SOOO SIMILAR to what happened to me - the 5 year old was saying the 10 year old wanted to have sex with the boy across the street and they are myspace friends - then she was saying she liked big (( something that a girl has not a boy)). . . .now i guess adults talk like this in front of them but in MY family - forget it, we always make kids leave the room before we talk about anything inappropriate - i mean stuff slips out but c'mon!!! i am definitely prude about certain things but what if she goes to pre school and talks like that! if i were her mother i would DIE of embarassment!!! you should have seen my face i must have looked like an 80 year old grandma i was horrified!

---

lol i know!!! it's horrible!!! There so bad. And they do this in public too. My cousin is so immiture so thats why she is like that. She was pregnant at 17 and has 4 kids now with 3 differnt guys. they talk about the most gross and disturbing this...at the dinner table. Like her husband was teaching her son about Ti tt y Twisters....who would say such a thing to a kid that is 6??? I was motified!!!! And they think it's funny. Don't worry. Your not like that. And that why those kids are. They get it from the parents!!!

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OH MY GOD!!!

We had parent teacher confreneces and one of our special ed students father came in to meet with us. This is a student who is low intellectually but included with typical students. She tries to act very sexual and is always making comments that are inappropriate. We told the father that she will often tell us what goes on at home or things that were said(ie: 'my mom is going to the baby doctor' 'oh is mom having another baby?'
'No she is going so she doesnt have anymore'). But Obviously she is getting if from the parents..

Well the day after parent teacher confreneces, this student came up to me and said that her dad liked me because i have big boobs.

I ALMOST DIED!!!! who tells their daughter that? I mean I understand that men CAN BE perves and may look at their children's teachers like that, but who the heck says that to their child???? I WAS MORTIFIED!!!

I want kids right after I get married and I was never the one to like kids before.
but having kids scares me a lot, I am a service coordinator for people with developmental disabilities and FH is a psychologist and writes behavior plans for people with developmental disabilities. We are around the population everyday and it scares me so much that our kids might have a disabilities.
We have talked about it and he said that at least we have the skills to deal with it and will be better off than most parents. I still don't think I will have what it takes to care for a child with a disability.

I get so happy when I have an ISP meeting and hear about all the progress that my consumers make, but I don't know if I will be happy if my child takes up to a year to learn how to tie his shoe laces.

Having a bad kid does not bother me as much as having a disabled child.

PS: that was the sweetest poem ever, some of my consumers' family would have enjoy reading something like that.

Tilde- hmm... i have known you for just about 20 yrs now and i can say with no hesitation that you will be an amazing mom....period.
its definitely something to think hard about but i know you and i know how badly u want to be a mother (as do i) and im sure that no matter what comes your way in life you will be excellent at it- your sister is the perfect example of that as well.
I would definitely say wait a few years, thats my opinion, joey and i have made that decision too....parenting is obviously a huge life change.
i kno what you mean about sometimes being utterly shocked at how some kids act....trust me, i see it everyday in my students...but personally i feel that theres no such thing as a 'bad' kid, their behavior is definitely a reflection of their environment and what they think is ok....and i know that anything crazy like you have witnessed with those kids will NOT be accepted in your home....my honest opinion is that you should definitely have kids because you will be an awesome mom and so loving, but its definitely somehting to thing deeply about....
im sure that you will keep your kids innocent as long as possible, just like we were haha... and they too will believe in santa when they are 12 and have no idea how babies are made LOL
loveya! <333