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NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
Original post by sadNEWwife
Ladies, I'm a regular liw member, but changed my name because I'm pretty broken up about this... and a little ashamed (although, that might be the wrong word).
This new profile says that I'm still a bride-to-be, but I'm a newlywed. I've been married for less than a year, and I feel no passion for my new husband![]()
. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking in any way, shape, or form to be unfaithful. I'm in this marriage for the rest of my life.
I'm just scared that there is no 'fire' in our very new marriage. I don't know who to talk to or where to turn. I love the man I'm married to, I want to have a baby with him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just don't know how to rescue our 'private life'.
I don't know what I'm looking for in posting this, but I just had to let it out somehow.
Thank you for reading,
a Sad New Wife
This new profile says that I'm still a bride-to-be, but I'm a newlywed. I've been married for less than a year, and I feel no passion for my new husband
I'm just scared that there is no 'fire' in our very new marriage. I don't know who to talk to or where to turn. I love the man I'm married to, I want to have a baby with him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just don't know how to rescue our 'private life'.
I don't know what I'm looking for in posting this, but I just had to let it out somehow.
Thank you for reading,
a Sad New Wife
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Re: NWR: no passion
How ironic----i was just watching the CBS evening news and they did a segment on women who have no sex drive, and how it's an incredibly common problem----they said as many as 50% of all women feel as though they have no sex drive. They said that there is a new drug for women that affects the brain, as opposed to Viagra which just gives men a physical reaction. Interesting, right?
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Re: NWR: no passion
How to you teach him??? BE HONEST, let your guard down, relax, tell him how you feel and let the learning be fun and exciting! It can work!
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Re: NWR: no passion
Definetly tell him how you're feeling-honestly is the only way you guys can work through this.
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Re: NWR: no passion
Posted by sadNEWwife
Ladies, thank you for all your wonderful words.
I don't know if I'll be able to to respond to all of the fm's you've sent... you've been so kind.
Here is a little info to fill in the blanks. DH and I met in March of 2005, and moved in together just this May.
We were pretty hot and heavy at first (for about the first six months).
The thing is: DH had never been with a woman before me. I, on the other hand, had an 'adventurous' youth.
How do you show/teach your husband, the man you love how to 'do it'???
Right now things are like 'your first time'. Rushed/fumbled and not-too-much-fun for me.
Maybe I've said too much, but I'm just at a loss.
Well, I know from experience that my DH and I were each other's first times
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Re: NWR: no passion
Passion is a BIG word and very relative.
My questions to you so you can ask yourself:
- did you EVER feel the passion for your DH or did you just enjoy being with him?
- How long did you date your DH before getting engaged? Things can 'die' down after the first few months of dating.
- Did you just realize it was going or did you ignore it during your wedding planning and now that things are 'settled' you realize how you feel?
- What do you mean by passion (sex drive, are you attracted by your DH?, are you bored?, do you do things together or wish you did?, etc..)
It is very hard to maintain passion like at the beginning of a relationship but then friendship, closeness bring you together. You have common goals. Love does not have to be 'all out'.
ETA: for the 'personal' part.... since you have more experience. Try introducing new 'games/toys' into it. See how he reacts and maybe you can slowly 'guide' him in new way to make it interesting.
My questions to you so you can ask yourself:
- did you EVER feel the passion for your DH or did you just enjoy being with him?
- How long did you date your DH before getting engaged? Things can 'die' down after the first few months of dating.
- Did you just realize it was going or did you ignore it during your wedding planning and now that things are 'settled' you realize how you feel?
- What do you mean by passion (sex drive, are you attracted by your DH?, are you bored?, do you do things together or wish you did?, etc..)
It is very hard to maintain passion like at the beginning of a relationship but then friendship, closeness bring you together. You have common goals. Love does not have to be 'all out'.
ETA: for the 'personal' part.... since you have more experience. Try introducing new 'games/toys' into it. See how he reacts and maybe you can slowly 'guide' him in new way to make it interesting.
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Re: NWR: no passion
Well, now that THAT is out, we can try to help you!!!
Definitely purchase a Kama Sutra book, bring it home with a bottle of wine and get to trying it out!
You need to make this an 'adventure' where it is relaxed and exciting and new for both of you, because if you are stressed out about it, it won't be fun and you'll end up resenting each other.
You should DEFINITELY have a passion party and get some cool stuff! I'll come and buy some things too.....passion party
I had one for my bachelorette party and it was great! So many people bought things....I got everything for free.
Good Luck!![]()
Definitely purchase a Kama Sutra book, bring it home with a bottle of wine and get to trying it out!
You need to make this an 'adventure' where it is relaxed and exciting and new for both of you, because if you are stressed out about it, it won't be fun and you'll end up resenting each other.
You should DEFINITELY have a passion party and get some cool stuff! I'll come and buy some things too.....passion party
I had one for my bachelorette party and it was great! So many people bought things....I got everything for free.
Good Luck!
Member since
Re: NWR: no passion
So are you ATTRACTED to him, and just want more from the intimate parts of your life?
You ask how can you 'teach him' - do just that! Tell him what you want - lead his hands where you want them to go. Tell him if you like something or don't like something. You can make it fun - like a game. Leave notes in his pockets or send him text messages about what you want him to do to you or vice versa.
Is he afraid to be adventurous? If he is, lead him into it slowly.
You ask how can you 'teach him' - do just that! Tell him what you want - lead his hands where you want them to go. Tell him if you like something or don't like something. You can make it fun - like a game. Leave notes in his pockets or send him text messages about what you want him to do to you or vice versa.
Is he afraid to be adventurous? If he is, lead him into it slowly.
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Re: NWR: no passion
You can create passion.
Hit the gym. Buy some sexy lingerie. Smell good.
If you feel sexy, he'll think you're sexy.
Hit the gym. Buy some sexy lingerie. Smell good.
If you feel sexy, he'll think you're sexy.
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Re: NWR: no passion
tease him...
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Re: NWR: no passion
As far as teaching is concerned, if you are shy about things as I am, a couple of pre-game cocktails never hurts to loosen ya up a bit! I lose all inhibition when I'm tipsy and it definitely helps to spice things up b/c I'm more open to telling him what I want b/c I don't feel so embarassed or whatever. Then, after that, things are usually way better. I know that isn't the best advice, but it definitely has helped us out of some ruts!
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Re: NWR: no passion
I too had more 'adventures' than my DH did. I was afraid to tell him what I wanted because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I found out that if I ask for something, just something small like the placement of his hand 1 cm over, that it makes a world of difference. Then he started asking me things.
Don't bring it all up at once. You can even do it as it's happening. One thing at a time. I found out he gets more excited when he is more sure of himself and what he is doing. And that's a win-win.![]()
Don't bring it all up at once. You can even do it as it's happening. One thing at a time. I found out he gets more excited when he is more sure of himself and what he is doing. And that's a win-win.
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Re: NWR: no passion
I've read every single post TWICE.
Thank you all for the advice/kind words.
I've thought about every single thing and how it applies to us and/or how it might make a difference.
Although, this is a board which many times has 'silly' threads going, I am very grateful to all of you. This was not easy to talk about...hence, the fake name; but you all made it a lot easier than I thought it was going to be to talk about it.
I have decided to take a 'aggressive' role, and deal with my 'problem' with kindness and love, and I will make the effort to change the status quo in my bedroom.
Thank you all, again. you have NO idea what all this has meant to me. There are moments when we all feel a little left out. Today, I feel as part of a big loving family. thank you.
ETA: I'll keep you posted on what works![]()
Thank you all for the advice/kind words.
I've thought about every single thing and how it applies to us and/or how it might make a difference.
Although, this is a board which many times has 'silly' threads going, I am very grateful to all of you. This was not easy to talk about...hence, the fake name; but you all made it a lot easier than I thought it was going to be to talk about it.
I have decided to take a 'aggressive' role, and deal with my 'problem' with kindness and love, and I will make the effort to change the status quo in my bedroom.
Thank you all, again. you have NO idea what all this has meant to me. There are moments when we all feel a little left out. Today, I feel as part of a big loving family. thank you.
ETA: I'll keep you posted on what works
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Re: NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
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Re: NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
good luck... remember men dont like foreplay, just get right down to it. ![]()
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Re: NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
Best of luck ![]()
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Re: NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
Posted by groomzilla Galore 2
good luck... remember men dont like foreplay, just get right down to it.![]()
Sorry, but that is not true at all!
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Re: NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by groomzilla Galore 2
good luck... remember men dont like foreplay, just get right down to it.![]()
Sorry, but that is not true at all!
Especially since her problem is in that department, they should take time and have tons of foreplay.........
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Re: NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by groomzilla Galore 2
good luck... remember men dont like foreplay, just get right down to it.![]()
Sorry, but that is not true at all!
I agree with Curlie! Not true!
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Re: NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2
ok fine, i like it sometimes too
