NWR: no passion... UPDATE ON PAGE 2

Ladies, I'm a regular liw member, but changed my name because I'm pretty broken up about this... and a little ashamed (although, that might be the wrong word).

This new profile says that I'm still a bride-to-be, but I'm a newlywed. I've been married for less than a year, and I feel no passion for my new husband . Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking in any way, shape, or form to be unfaithful. I'm in this marriage for the rest of my life.

I'm just scared that there is no 'fire' in our very new marriage. I don't know who to talk to or where to turn. I love the man I'm married to, I want to have a baby with him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just don't know how to rescue our 'private life'.

I don't know what I'm looking for in posting this, but I just had to let it out somehow.

Thank you for reading,
a Sad New Wife

did you ever feel passion for him, or is it something that went away after the wedding? I'd love to offer advice, but i want to be sure i understand the situaion

As a newlywed myself, it is understandable that you are doubting your passion for your husband.

You may just be nervous that you are settling into marriage and don't have that spark or newness that getting married may have reignited. My DH and I are so busy that we sometimes feel neglected and separated, and sometimes it causes this nervous reaction that we may be 'stuck'.

Maybe you need to take a mini vacation ot getaway for even a night to get a kickstart.

HTH

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Posted by jds593



did you ever feel passion for him, or is it something that went away after the wedding? I'd love to offer advice, but i want to be sure i understand the situaion

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me too

not to offend anyone but... good book: 'the proper care and feeding of husbands'

it's not as it sounds, it just opens your eyes to the things we forget to do or take for granted

I hope you find the passion...for both of your sakes....

Have you started taking any kind of medications that may lower your sex drive? Its totally a side effect for some medications, even birth control, no pun. Any sudden emotional stress you've been going through? You could have something really big on your mind and focusing on this instead of what is really bothering you.

I agree with the suggestion for a mini vacation! Or maybe doing something you totally wouldn't do, like greet him after work in a totally sexy outfit or something. It will make you feel sexy as well as drive him nuts.

I understand your commitment to your husband, but I hope you two can be happy. If you force things you may start to resent him and push him away without knowing it. I hope things get better soon! I'm sure they will, this is probably just a phase.

It could be stress relatated. Honestly my fh and don't do it as much as we use to because he is working longer hours and i am so busy with work and school. We also have gained pounds since we hardly have time for the gym so I guess we let each other go and get too comfty after five years of dating.

Spark wise to be honest i don't know what that spark is like never had it for any relationship.. this is me though. I mean you get the goosebumbs and the excitement of the first month of a relationship but after that you kinda just ease into a normal relationship of your happy to be together and to do things together and love each other. If your open have a 'Drunk' night of hanging out being loose and ask what does he like or tell him what you like .. feel around to see if maybe something can be done to add spice to the relationship. It does work

BUT if you start really looking at other men and you are fantasizing about other people then your in trouble. that is why i broke up with my ex just shy of being engaged because i knew right then it wasn't working out.

I wish the best.

mini getaway, lingerie, great dinner and a movie... i totally think you have to be mentally stimulated too... show interest in FH.... spend a random night in a hotel, etc in addition... if your on birth control and have a low sex drive because of it you definately may want to change the pill...


it happens there are ups and downs...

I agree with lots of the girls on here. I sometimes think it's just a phase. There are times when I look at FH and he makes my skin crawl. Then I can't wait to just come home from work and see him. Def try to figure it out. Relationships are not perfect and very unpredictable. It could be the settling in phase. Did you two live together beforehand? I hear that it takes about a year to get used to each other. When we first moved in together I had serious doubts. Now I'm just like....whatever- it is how it is. Good luck with this. I really wish I could be more helpful.

I want to make a suggestion without trying to give TMI. But if it's about all the sex then maybe you should try 'new things' You may like s&m (not hard core) or roll play or something you never did before. You would be surprised what you find interesting!

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Posted by JIFFY

I agree with lots of the girls on here. I sometimes think it's just a phase. There are times when I look at FH and he makes my skin crawl.

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That is almost exactly like I felt this morning!!!

But this afternoon I asked to meet him so we could ride the train together.

If you started birth control, it could be that. I know I felt that way in my first marriage. As soon as I realized they were killing my libido, I threw them out. It's kind of defeating the purpose, ain't it??

I'm not sure what else to ell you without getting answers to the questions posted by others.

Hang in there.

These things go in fits and cycles- but maybe its time now to try something new? Get some movies, get some toys, try a new position, do it in a different room - go out, go to a club, drink a little, dance sexy with each other, sneak off into a bar bathroom and get it on.... try phone sex during the day at work, text message each other dirty stuff... These things are all fun, and if you have a good sense of humor, it can also bring you closer - oh, find some cheesy hotel with those champagne glass tubs and vibrating beds - just have fun - even if its not complete 'sex' - just do a lot of 4play, things like that....

trust me - i'm 5 months pregnant, and it can also make me feel like I've lost my mojo, but there is still plenty of fun to be had!

My parents have been married for over 30 years...recently I asked them if there was ever a time they didn't want to be married to each other...they both said yes, and it was at completely different times for both of them, and for completely different reasons, but it passed for both of them and today I think my parents have such a wonderful marriage. They go dancing every week and when I see them look at each other I know they still love each other. I guess I've learned from them that marriage isn't always about a 'feeling', like feeling happy or feeling a spark, it's about sharing your life with someone having someone walk with you through this journey, having a companion, and sometimes there are bumps in the road, including not having a 'spark' but just stick it out...this is your best friend, and now your family, take a breather, relax and let life happen, sometimes I think we work too hard to turn things around and the more we think about it the bigger the problem becomes.

I don't know I guess those are just my thoughts on marriage-I know maybe it's not that romantic but it's reality (as I see it anyway)

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Posted by jus and james

My parents have been married for over 30 years...recently I asked them if there was ever a time they didn't want to be married to each other...they both said yes, and it was at completely different times for both of them, and for completely different reasons, but it passed for both of them and today I think my parents have such a wonderful marriage. They go dancing every week and when I see them look at each other I know they still love each other. I guess I've learned from them that marriage isn't always about a 'feeling', like feeling happy or feeling a spark, it's about sharing your life with someone having someone walk with you through this journey, having a companion, and sometimes there are bumps in the road, including not having a 'spark' but just stick it out...this is your best friend, and now your family, take a breather, relax and let life happen, sometimes I think we work too hard to turn things around and the more we think about it the bigger the problem becomes.

I don't know I guess those are just my thoughts on marriage-I know maybe it's not that romantic but it's reality (as I see it anyway)

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Thats one of the nicest, and most beautiful things I've read on here in a while....

Ladies, thank you for all your wonderful words.

I don't know if I'll be able to to respond to all of the fm's you've sent... you've been so kind.

Here is a little info to fill in the blanks. DH and I met in March of 2005, and moved in together just this May.

We were pretty hot and heavy at first (for about the first six months).

The thing is: DH had never been with a woman before me. I, on the other hand, had an 'adventurous' youth.

How do you show/teach your husband, the man you love how to 'do it'???

Right now things are like 'your first time'. Rushed/fumbled and not-too-much-fun for me.

Maybe I've said too much, but I'm just at a loss.

No, I odn't think you've said too much.

After filling in the blanks for us, I have to say that more than likely he still feels a bit awkward. Try to make fun for him. Joke around so perhaps he doesn't feel the need to 'perform' for you. Perhaps the stress of it all is making it not so pleasant. Take turns doing things. He'll get the hang of it. Buy some $ex toys. It'll make it more interesting and fun for both of you.

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Posted by beachbum05

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Posted by jus and james

My parents have been married for over 30 years...recently I asked them if there was ever a time they didn't want to be married to each other...they both said yes, and it was at completely different times for both of them, and for completely different reasons, but it passed for both of them and today I think my parents have such a wonderful marriage. They go dancing every week and when I see them look at each other I know they still love each other. I guess I've learned from them that marriage isn't always about a 'feeling', like feeling happy or feeling a spark, it's about sharing your life with someone having someone walk with you through this journey, having a companion, and sometimes there are bumps in the road, including not having a 'spark' but just stick it out...this is your best friend, and now your family, take a breather, relax and let life happen, sometimes I think we work too hard to turn things around and the more we think about it the bigger the problem becomes.

I don't know I guess those are just my thoughts on marriage-I know maybe it's not that romantic but it's reality (as I see it anyway)

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Thats one of the nicest, and most beautiful things I've read on here in a while....

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