NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

I've been w/ my FH for about 3 1/2 years. We've been living together for almost two years. I feel like he pays no attention to me anymore, we barely talk. People said at my engagement party we or I didn't look all 'gaga' over him. We took a 45 min train ride today and he didn't speak one word to me. We only have sex once a month and if I'm lucky twice. If I tell him how I feel he kind of ingores the problem. We don't even have conversation about things, he never says goodnight to me, he just falls a sleep like usual. I am person who likes to go out and experience different thing and have fun, we only go out and do things together like on Sat. night not even that sometimes. See Im 24 he's 35 so we have a pretty big age difference too. I just don't feel happy in thsi relationship, I feel like I'm not getting anything out of this. I am so confused. We also have plans to get married next year and everything is booked. I am even considering seeing some sort of a counsler to work this out. I mean this is not normal for an engaged couple. I feel like I should be happier. This may seem like a silly question but what are the normal things engaged couples living together do??? Also living with his parents until after the wedding is really not helping the situation. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to vent.

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

First of all,
Second of all, have you tried saying this to HIM? Maybe it sounds dumb, but if you haven't, I recommend that you do. Tell him what you said here. Maybe he doesn't realize what has happened over the course of time. Or maybe he feels so comfortable with you and confident in the relationship that he feels he doesn't have to try any more. Hopefully that will help. If not, here's some more hugs:

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

Sam,
IMO - being able to communicate with your spouse is a high priority in a relationship. If you cannot communicate now, I don't know how it will get better once you are married. I am also 35 and my FI is 39. While we do not have the very active social lives as in our 20's (we were friends then) - we do talk and never go to sleep without a kiss and saying goodnight. We also never leave the house in the AM without a kiss goodbye, even if one is still sleeping.
Please talk to him, and when he does he ususal routine that bothers you, that needs to be discussed also.

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

I agree with Dooodles, communication is KEY!!! My FI and I never really went out all the time, sometimes yes, we definitely enjoy dinner or dessert out, but we don't go out tons. But this is just how we are. We also never go to bed or leave in the morning without a kiss.

You have to be able to tell him how you feel or this is not going to work out.

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

i think you need to tell him how you feel, and hopefully seek counseling. you have your entire life ahead of you with this person - if you don't speak now, what will things be like 10 years from now? i don't think it matters what other engaged couples are like - you have to follow what feels right for you and fh personally, and it sounds like something definitely doesn't feel right for you. fm if you ever need to talk or vent...

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

FM

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

I'm so sorry you're going through this. But as the other ladies said communication is key. I know there have been a few times in our 5 year reltationship that FH and I have gotten into a bit of a rut, but we sat down and talked about it, and usually got back to where we wanted to be fairly quickly. You need to find out what's going on with him, and figure out how to work on it to make both of you happier.

Best of luck with what you decide and feel free to fm or post if you need to talk.

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

i also agree with the ladies reguarding communication. i know things change with time, it gets less romantic, maybe a little less exciting, but the thing that shouldn't change is how you feel about your fh.

you should be marrying your best friend, not a stranger. maybe something is going on with him that he just hasn't had the heart to tell you or he can't open up about.

good luck with everything...hope everything works out for you!

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

Things change with time, 3 1/2 years I think what you are going through is normal - Counseling might be extremely helpful - sometimes a neutral third party opinion is what you need. It could just be a bad patch that you have to work through. People grow and change, and the relationship has to adjust to that - its never easy, you just have to love each other through it, and remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. It will pass... Good luck!!!

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

I agree that communication is very important. I think a counselor could be a good idea.

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

Relationships change over time. They won't always be the same as they were when you first got together. It sound like comfortability has set in and that is why he may act the way he does. My FH and I have been together for 6 years and lived together for 1 and I can say we are not as gaga as we used to be. I also completely agree with the other posts. You need to communicate your feelings to him now. I've seen too many newlywed couples lately that have been fighting over things that should have been aired out before they got married. TALK TO HIM!!!

Re: NWR Not talking w/ my FH, sorry so long

FI and I have been together for almost 8 years, and speaking from experience, I can tell you that relationships go through cycles. While we've always been a coiuple who gives each other a kiss before leaving in the a.m. and before bed at night, sometimes we've gone through periods where we were really just 'going through the motions.' What's important has been said above - the ability to communicate and work through those times. If it seems like it's been going on a very long time (more than a month maybe), then you might want to look into couseling if he'll agree to it. Just understand you're not going to be 'high on love' all the time.