NWR: PET LOVERS I don't know how to feel (long and sad)
Our family dog is dying. I raised him for 4 years while I was in college before giving him to my parents for a better life. Now he's 13, lumpy, tired and deteriorating. He's still alert, greets us with a wagging tail at the door, and plays with his favorite toys.
The past 3 days my parents have cried to me and told me that he's dying, that it's only a matter of days. Yesterday they called me at 10:30 to let me know that the vet was scheduled to come over at 11:30 to euthanize him. I left work in tears and went to say my final goodbyes. My parents were both crying when I arrived. My dad called my brother to give him the option of saying his goodbye and also to let him make the decision as to whether or not he would go through with his marriage proposal as scheduled. My father could barely make it through that conversation and my heart broke a million times over just listening to him.
I let the dog kiss me all over my face and neck, I shared a hershey kiss with him as my tears coated his nose. Our goodbye was so painful and heartfelt. And then I left to begin my grieving process. I drove home in agony, knowing that my beloved had less than an hour left in his short life. I replayed each vivid memory and cried so loudly in my car. When I got home, I went under the covers for and hour and a half and cried. And a piece of my youth left me as well. He represented so much in my life and now the door was closed. He would soon be lying in my mothers arms, dead.
For an hour and a half I progressed through the stages of grief, so painful and exhausting. And then, my mother called to let me know that the vet doesn't think he's ready to go!!!!!!! They paid hundreds of dollars for this reprieve because they felt that he still had some quality time left in him. It's still only a matter of days, maybe weeks, but yesterday wasn't his day. Alas, we have our beautiful boy....and my brother can get engaged and not share the day with the anniversary of our dog's death. That should have made me feel happy and blessed.
I can't stop crying. I know that I will need to go through this horrible process again and I can't bear it. It's so surreal. I literally have to bring my boy back from the dead in my mind. I don't know how to feel.
If you've gotten this far.....thank you kindly. I really needed to get this out in words.
The past 3 days my parents have cried to me and told me that he's dying, that it's only a matter of days. Yesterday they called me at 10:30 to let me know that the vet was scheduled to come over at 11:30 to euthanize him. I left work in tears and went to say my final goodbyes. My parents were both crying when I arrived. My dad called my brother to give him the option of saying his goodbye and also to let him make the decision as to whether or not he would go through with his marriage proposal as scheduled. My father could barely make it through that conversation and my heart broke a million times over just listening to him.
I let the dog kiss me all over my face and neck, I shared a hershey kiss with him as my tears coated his nose. Our goodbye was so painful and heartfelt. And then I left to begin my grieving process. I drove home in agony, knowing that my beloved had less than an hour left in his short life. I replayed each vivid memory and cried so loudly in my car. When I got home, I went under the covers for and hour and a half and cried. And a piece of my youth left me as well. He represented so much in my life and now the door was closed. He would soon be lying in my mothers arms, dead.
For an hour and a half I progressed through the stages of grief, so painful and exhausting. And then, my mother called to let me know that the vet doesn't think he's ready to go!!!!!!! They paid hundreds of dollars for this reprieve because they felt that he still had some quality time left in him. It's still only a matter of days, maybe weeks, but yesterday wasn't his day. Alas, we have our beautiful boy....and my brother can get engaged and not share the day with the anniversary of our dog's death. That should have made me feel happy and blessed.
I can't stop crying. I know that I will need to go through this horrible process again and I can't bear it. It's so surreal. I literally have to bring my boy back from the dead in my mind. I don't know how to feel.
If you've gotten this far.....thank you kindly. I really needed to get this out in words.
