Here’s a scenario…A co-worker, whom I was never close with when she worked in our office, stopped by to visit me while she was here for a meeting. She commented on how I was “disappearing” and if I had “lost any more weight, I would be anorexic”. I was flabbergasted but felt I needed to defend myself – as I have always felt my entire life - by saying that no, I have actually gained weight. I was embarassed and I felt really miniscule (no pun intended!).
Afterwards, I started to fume about it. I wondered what her reaction would have been had I reversed the tables and commented on how it looks like she “didn’t lose her baby fat”. I wonder why it is socially acceptable to “hate the skinny b i t c h” and feel free to comment on her weight, but it is not OK to reverse the scenario. For once I would love to turn the tables but I would never – not b/c it is socially “taboo” but b/c I think it’s really rude and inappropriate to comment on someone’s weight or appearance. Blanket comments without knowing the person, in particular, are invasive and outrageously rude - IMO.
I was just wondering how you all felt about this reverse prejudice and if any of you have been on either end of it – whether the one hating the “skinny b i t c h” or being the hated…and how you’ve handled it.
dubliner
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
fortunately I've never been on the receiveing end, and IMO, anyone who would make such a comment is obviously jealous and / or insecure about herself or both.
Anniegrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
Funny you should bring this up - I was just up on LI for the holiday weekend and FH and I went to get our engagement pics taken. I had on this polo dress, kinda form-fitting, and my mom says (with a tone of disgust in her voice), 'oh Ann, you're so skinny'. I was like, 'uh NO I'm not skinny. I actually gained a little weight!' Jeez, she has the same bone structure as I do, you'd think she would know that I can't control how thin I look. And I'm 125 lbs. for crying out loud - it's not like I'm skin and bones!
So I agree with you - I don't think it's anyone's place to comment on a person's weight, whether they look too heavy or too thin.
Jordan
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
I kind of fell like saying someone is jealous or insecure is just making excuses for that (really rude, socially inept) person. What is the reverse excuse? That the skinny person is jealous or insecure towards overweight people?
I just don't get it and I'm really d a m n tired of it.
Xelindrya
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
Yep... I hated that sorta stuff. I had a coworker once comment on a dress I was wearing.. she said 'Nice dress.. really shows off those curves' I was pleased.. THEN 'with hips like those Im sure you'll have babies easy'. I was stunned. I mean.. what could I say? Then again this is the same woman who told an asian client of ours to find someone else to speak proper english so she could better understand the request.
My family always thinks Im too skinny. Mostly cause they're not. I get it all the time 'Eat more.. my god woman you're going to float away... such a waste of a woman.. poor child that new York life style... blah blah' I gave up a long time ago on it. Now I just really don't care.
HearzBellz
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
Not only do I think it is inappropriate, but having a weight problem does not just mean overweight... it drives me nuts.
I have a thyroid problem, so I can go through months of not gaining or losing an ounce & then all of a sudden gain 30 lbs in a month (or less) so when I lose again, someone always makes a nasty comment that they think is a compliment about how I must have been 'behaving myself' or how I must have 'gotten back to the gym.' People are clueless.
joeslauren
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
i have to say colleen that i made the very same mistake that your 'acquaintance' made when she stopped by the office. i was pretty good friends with a girl a few years ago and hadn't seen her in a while. then i saw her at a wedding and immediately after she intro'd me to her new beau, i told her that she's 'like a rail!' i didn't even think twice about it and didn't at all think it was insulting til she mentioned to me later that her new beau was surprised at my comment. at THAT moment, i realized what the f*ck i just said and how insulting it must be to her! but being the person who has struggled with gaining and losing my whole life, i merely meant that she rocks for never putting any weight on. bottom line is that i'll never make the mistake again and maybe you SHOULD say something next time someone makes a comment like that to you. i know i learned my lesson.. something i NEEDED to be taught!
Sage10.03
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
All through HS and some of college I had this problem....I actually had a teacher call my mom b/c she was 'concerned' that I had an eating disorder..... I was 98lbs and 5'1 and couldn't gain weight if I tried....I ate McDonalds and Ice cream like it was nothing ALL THE TIME!!! I couldn't help it and I hated it!!! I looked like I was 12 years old....
My Mom was the same way though....she was 102 lbs until she had children (30 years old) and she used to get picked on and called names like 'beanstalk'....
It's awful no matter what side you are on and no one should have to put in a position to defend their weight....EVER!
I now am trying to lose....it seems age and metabolism caught up with me and I could no longer call Ice Cream and McD's my friends....
What-Now
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
I think when people are saying 'you are so skinny!' they mean it as a compliment, but nobody would ever say 'you are so fat!' and mean it as a compliment. that's probably way we only hear the comment on being skinny! People say it becasue they don't feel that it's insulting, but quite the opposite!
eroxgirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
I've been on the skinny end of it...this one person I know used to call me the 'stick.' I've always resisted the temptation to call her lard a$$. And it always p*sses me off whenever people have said to me, oh she's just jealous, as if that makes it any better or less embarrassing when it is said in front of a room full of people who all stop and stare at me like I'm some kind of freak for being thin.
Although there was period of about 5 years when I was a little heavier and all the people who saw me thin LOVED to make comments about how I wasn't a rail anymore or that I had to watch what I ate. I hate people sometimes.
Niecey
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
This thread is funny. This is something I dealt with and bothered me for many, many years in my life and most people didn't understand why it did. (Until maybe I hit about 26 and started to gain a little weight!) My doctor even asked my mom to watch and make sure I didn't have a eating disorder. You're too skinny why don't you gain some weight? Urrrgghhh! Do you think I really want to be this thin and have no curves - not really - it was just my body type. I was 5'8' and barely over 100 lbs when I graduated hs and I always ate like a pig! I was very insecure for many years and the comments made my self-esteem way low! For a while I wouldn't wear a mini-skirt because I thought my legs were too thin and I hated hearing people's so called compliments and comments. I also became very shy - esp. around guys - because I felt so unattractive (in hs esp.)
I know some people mean it as a compliment and maybe some are jealous and some people just don't think but it does hurt esp. when I was younger. But some people are down right mean to you. I remember in college almost being attacked by some girls who were calling me skinny B**** on the street. I didn't know them and never did - they just had issue with my thinness! It is crazy!
Now, I have gained some weight but I find people are quick to ask me when I do gain - things like have you gained a couple pounds? I mean who wants to hear have you gained weight by a co-worker? I am not sure why strangers feel the need to ask me such questions. So annoying! While I am ranting - I also hate - you look so young - how come? Genetics - -I hate that I feel I have justify that I look young for my age! There is nothing I can do to change that either!
Jordan
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
Thank you all for sharing your insight and stories. I hope I didn't trigger any bad memories - I certainly didn't mean to.
People are always making assumptions before they even meet me...which I just find socially odd. Even though I've been called anorexic, bulemic, Etheopian, etc - it never ruined my self-esteem (it was hurt in other ways...whole other topic!), thankfully. It does make me self conscious at times though.
I turned 30 in December and I have people who actually INSIST that there is NO WAY that I'm 30. So funny. I feel that my weight (or lack there of) contributes to my looking younger...the same way that genetics so obviously does. I don't mind the age comments so much - I figure I only have those for another 10-15 years (if my mother is an indication), so I'll ride with it!
But the weight stuff really chaps my a s s. Maybe it's the activist in me that wants and sometimes, demands, a change in people's perception as well as way of expressing that view. I just find it unacceptable that people are so outspoken about this issue. They really don't think about the person they are directing it towards - they're only thinking of themselves.
HearzBellz
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
It's OK...not bad memories.. just something we can relate to.
Can I gripe a bit.... along the same lines? Why is it ok for someone to say things like....Oh, it must be that italian temper (then don't **** me off if you already know about it) or, it's because she's a girl (duh, what gave it away)... but my biggest pet peeve is when someone says, Oh that's so retarted. No, a person is afflicted with retardation, a thing can not be retarded... it's just so insulting. And what if the person was handicapped..... how insulting would that be? Do people think before they speak????
kmcwed
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
When I first met my DH's step-mother her first words were....'You're so THIN! My GOD! Do you eat at ALL!!' This was right before we went out to a restaurant to eat. She harped on it all night, and even watched my plate, probably to see how much I was eating!
I'm sure she would never say, 'You're so FAT! You must eat ALL the time!' So I can't understand why people think it's okay to comment if you're thin.
It's rude.
I've been guilty of making a 'rude' comment, though. At the time I didn't realize it. It just came flying out of my mouth and I really meant it as a compliment. I saw a friend who I knew was dieting after her baby was born. She lost an amazing amount of weight since I had last seen her. We hugged and said hello and I said (gulp)...'You look great! You lost a TON of weight!'
Only later did I realize that I actually implied she was carrying a ton of weight to begin with.
(insert cringe here).
From that point on, all I ever say to someone is 'You look great.'
jvs77
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
I know exactly how you feel. I was under 100 lbs in my senior year of high school and was/am 5' 7' (I'm a bit heavier now). Kids teased me, and I pretty much Hated my body. (I could go on and on with the things that people have said and how it made me feel.) It is not right to make fun of people, for their weight, or whatever it is that makes them 'different.' I too hate how it seems socially acceptable to put down skinny people. Even now, I've had co-workers approach me to ask if I'm feeling well - I look so thin. I had to tell my FH to tell his father to stop commenting about my weight. It drives me nuts!!!!! I've been like this my entire life, my mother was like this and so was my grandmother - it's simply in my genes. I do eat. ARGH!!! Sorry, this really struck a chord with me. So, yes, I feel your pain completely. People need to understand that being skinny isn't exactly the blessing that they think it is, and that it is not right to comment on someone's weight.
Hugs to all the verbally abused skinny people out there, and to anyone who has been ridiculed for being different!!!
smooch
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
My DH's SILs can't wait for me to get fat. They keep telling me that.
'Well, when I was your age, I was that skinny.'
or
'You wait, you'll look like us one day.'
Sorry ladies, I'm a runner, I workout and I eat right, NONE of which ANY of them do. And people are built they way they are built. My family is very thin. Can't help that the way other people can't help their looks.
I just shrug it off. What else can I do?
june262004
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
Ok on the Fat end of the stick... I do agree that it is rude that people say Do u eat at all??? or OMG ure so skinny??? (in a bad tone of voice) As a 'fat' woman in society I really dont see how someone saying wow u are so skinny coud be that BAD? please do not hate me cause I Love you all fat skinny Purple green whatever but I would love for someone to say that to me! It seems like society like women who are mainly skinny Models most movie stars most singers. I cant even go in to a store and buy something off the rack I have to go to the 'fat people' store. Maybe its society that makes people think this way???? I love you guys please dont hate me!
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
I have never been thin so I don't know how that feels. I guess society makes women feel so darn self conscience of our weight that we cannot be 'good' enough- either too fat or too thin. I think people envy the girls on the thin side though. I know I do so that is why people comment on it. I mean you NEVER hear a women say 'I wish I was as fat as that women' but everyday they say that they wish they were thin like Jennifer Aniston or other famous person.
Not that it is fair to you, but I am sure that is why it is said.
What-Now
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
well, as far as jennifer Aniston is concerned; she looked so much better befor she lost like 40 poinds! She ghad a great body! Now she looks SOOOO skinny!
Jordan
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR QOTD: Reverse Prejudice and Social Acceptance
People might *think* it's a compliment...and some people who are saying it, may honestly be saying it with those intentions...but telling someone you 'hate' them for being 'so skinny' is NOT a compliment - no matter how you slice it.
Telling someone they look 'great', is a compliment. Telling someone how envious they are of you, is not - in my book at least. Somehow those kinds of 'compliments' are a burden on me...maybe I'm just nuts! B/c of the way I look, now I have a bunch of women who are jealous/envious of me and hate me. How is that supposed to make me feel good about myself? It's not a positive comment, IMO.
People watching you eat, is not a compliment. Same as if you were overweight and people were to watch what you ate - it makes you uncomfortable and self conscious - it doesn't make you feel good that someone is watching your every move b/c of envy or jealousy.
