NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry

Let me give a little bit of background info.

I have a friend that I have been VERY close with since early on in HS. We kind of grew distant when I moved, we didn't talk for a while, and it upset both of us. She got engaged at the end of last year, and we kind of patched things up then, but, it's not the same.

She had an e-party, shower, and wedding, we went to all 3. So, including her bachelorette party, which was in AC, I made 4 separate trips (3 to NY). She didn't ask me to be in her bridal party, and, she said, (not to me, but, to another VERY close friend, who wouldn't make it up, or anything like that). Well, I was going to have Amanda in my bridal party but after she diasappeared, I'm not.' Or something to that effect, I don't remember the exact words.

I didn't call her as much as I should have, and, we don't really speak as often as we used to, like I said, it isn't the same -- but, we are still friends.

So, now I have heard that she is pregnant. One of my very close friends told me -- about a month ago. She hasn't called me to tell me yet. Then, I heard from the same friend, the other day, that she said, 'I'm such a bad friend. Amanda is going to be mad at me, I haven't called her to tell her yet.'

Damn right I'm mad, and very upset! I just think it is so f*cked up that she hasn't called me to tell me -- and I can't call her, because I'm not going to betray the friend who told me.

Would you be mad, or upset, too?

I wouldnt be upset well I dont get upset very much , I try to look at the brighther side...

I couldnt get upset at her especially that this is a blessing for her., and you know people grow apart.., best friends and all.- sisters, family for that matter.....not even grow apart..but are just so busy in their own lives., and especially when people move away- its out of sight out of mind- no matter who you are...I would just call her to wish her well., and put it on the side.

I am definitely very happy for them --- although I worry b/c they are trying to also buy a house, and will be wayyyyyyyy over their heads.

And, I'm not trying to say well, I did all of this for her.... etc. I'm just saying that we did become close again, and I did come out to help her celebrate her wedding.

It's not a secret, as in, nobody knows, but, it is in that she will know exactly who told me if I do call her, and I don't want my other friend to have to hear it, because, she will.

And, I just feel as though I shouldn't HAVE to call her -- isn't it her job to call me to tell me that? Am I being a baby?

i'd be upset, but knowing that she knows you're going to be upset for not being told right away is a good thing. she's not totally out there.

i would just wait it out and if/when she calls to tell you, i would feel out the situation as to whether or not you want to confront her on the long delay in telling you the news. JMO

good luck!

you aren't being a baby. I'd be upset too. . .but just keep in mind that she does have a lot going on. . .sometimes the longer you wait to call someone, the more scared you are to call. . .especially if she thinks you are going to be mad at her. Maybe she just doesn't want to get into an argument?

Try calling her and don't bring it up. . .see if she does.

Sorry to be blunt, but she does not seem to be a geninue person towards you. She is giving off the impression that she feels guitly about not past issues (you not being a part of her bridal party, not keeing in touch) and does not know how to deal with it.

You should not be upset about it. She views her friendship towards you much much different than you view yours with her. Maybe because she lost contact with you for so long she doesnt feel to need to tell you right away.

Don't let it upset you. It's not worth it. Maybe you should give her a call, be the bigger person and express your happiness for her and her pregnancy. Let her know you heard through the grapevine that she was having a baby. And dont mention that you're upset or anything.

Was there a specific reason you guys stopped talking?

ive lost a lot of friends over stupid shiz...
just think about how you react to it all..I would probably be upset too! your not a baby

She's not the type to not call b/c there might be an argument. She's actually VERY argumentative.

I thought about calling her -- and feeling it out, but, I'm afraid that she will know why I'm calling her.

I was actually going to call her this week, because I wanted to wait a while after I heard the news to call her, so she wouldn't be suspicious, but then my friend told me the other thing, about me being mad, so, now I have to wait again!!

And, I got engaged while she was on her HM, I was so excited to call her and tell her, and so upset that I had to wait until she got back.

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Posted by rahana316

Sorry to be blunt, but she does not seem to be a geninue person towards you. She is giving off the impression that she feels guitly about not past issues (you not being a part of her bridal party, not keeing in touch) and does not know how to deal with it.

You should not be upset about it. She views her friendship towards you much much different than you view yours with her. Maybe because she lost contact with you for so long she doesnt feel to need to tell you right away.

Don't let it upset you. It's not worth it. Maybe you should give her a call, be the bigger person and express your happiness for her and her pregnancy. Let her know you heard through the grapevine that she was having a baby. And dont mention that you're upset or anything.

Was there a specific reason you guys stopped talking?

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It's alright -- I'm not offended, and I see exactly where you're coming from.

I don't think there is a specific reason that we stopped talking. I moved fairly quickly -- I was planning a move in the summer, and I wound up moving in April. Not that I moved to Outer Mongolia or anything..... lol.

Oh, I just remembered what happened. Her b-day is in April, right before mine. I called her that day, and left a message, she never called back. We came back to NY for our birthday (my friend that I talk about in the first post, my fh and me all have the same bday) and she and her (BF at the time) were supposed to meet us on the train to come to NYC, and they never showed, and she never called. She called my other friend to apologize, and never called me, and she wasn't mad at me -- so I don't know why she did that, but, after that, we didn't talk for a while.

i think it is natural to be hurt bc for big life events like that you usually call EVERYONE not just your close friends

(when i got engaged I found myself calling people I hadn't talked to in years LOL i wonder if they even cared)

But there is really nothing you can do - its all part of growing up and the natural evolution of some friendships. . . when she does reach out to you just be a good friend and your conscience will be clear

Wow, that *****. I would be mad and upset too if I had to find out through friends that she was pregnant. Even if she thought the phone call would be weird, she could have sent an email or something to break the ice. A baby is a happy time, there is no reason you would have been cold to her regarldess of how much time has gone by without talking.

tough predicament. Maybe call her to see how she is doing... or do you think she will be suspicious?

When she does call, I will probably not say anything about her NOT calling, she knows she should have -- she doesn't need me to remind her of that.

She would definitely be suspicious of a call -- especially since she just spoke to my other friend on Friday.

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by rahana316

Sorry to be blunt, but she does not seem to be a geninue person towards you. She is giving off the impression that she feels guitly about not past issues (you not being a part of her bridal party, not keeing in touch) and does not know how to deal with it.

You should not be upset about it. She views her friendship towards you much much different than you view yours with her. Maybe because she lost contact with you for so long she doesnt feel to need to tell you right away.

Don't let it upset you. It's not worth it. Maybe you should give her a call, be the bigger person and express your happiness for her and her pregnancy. Let her know you heard through the grapevine that she was having a baby. And dont mention that you're upset or anything.

Was there a specific reason you guys stopped talking?

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It's alright -- I'm not offended, and I see exactly where you're coming from.

I don't think there is a specific reason that we stopped talking. I moved fairly quickly -- I was planning a move in the summer, and I wound up moving in April. Not that I moved to Outer Mongolia or anything..... lol.

Oh, I just remembered what happened. Her b-day is in April, right before mine. I called her that day, and left a message, she never called back. We came back to NY for our birthday (my friend that I talk about in the first post, my fh and me all have the same bday) and she and her (BF at the time) were supposed to meet us on the train to come to NYC, and they never showed, and she never called. She called my other friend to apologize, and never called me, and she wasn't mad at me -- so I don't know why she did that, but, after that, we didn't talk for a while.

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See like I said before you consider her more of a friend that she does for you. Why would she never called you. There was no reason for it. That alone should have set off a light bulb in your head. What kind of geninue friend does not call me for my birthday and worse yet no even show up in NYC to celebrate our birthdays.

Maybe she got angry for you leaving and acted immature about it by not calling you. You didnt do anything wrong, you called her and waited for her and she never showed. You seem like a nice friend girls to even going to her shower, wedding, etc. How did you guys all of a sudden got in contact again? You called her or she called you to invite you??

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Posted by rahana316

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by rahana316

Sorry to be blunt, but she does not seem to be a geninue person towards you. She is giving off the impression that she feels guitly about not past issues (you not being a part of her bridal party, not keeing in touch) and does not know how to deal with it.

You should not be upset about it. She views her friendship towards you much much different than you view yours with her. Maybe because she lost contact with you for so long she doesnt feel to need to tell you right away.

Don't let it upset you. It's not worth it. Maybe you should give her a call, be the bigger person and express your happiness for her and her pregnancy. Let her know you heard through the grapevine that she was having a baby. And dont mention that you're upset or anything.

Was there a specific reason you guys stopped talking?

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It's alright -- I'm not offended, and I see exactly where you're coming from.

I don't think there is a specific reason that we stopped talking. I moved fairly quickly -- I was planning a move in the summer, and I wound up moving in April. Not that I moved to Outer Mongolia or anything..... lol.

Oh, I just remembered what happened. Her b-day is in April, right before mine. I called her that day, and left a message, she never called back. We came back to NY for our birthday (my friend that I talk about in the first post, my fh and me all have the same bday) and she and her (BF at the time) were supposed to meet us on the train to come to NYC, and they never showed, and she never called. She called my other friend to apologize, and never called me, and she wasn't mad at me -- so I don't know why she did that, but, after that, we didn't talk for a while.

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See like I said before you consider her more of a friend that she does for you. Why would she never called you. There was no reason for it. That alone should have set off a light bulb in your head. What kind of geninue friend does not call me for my birthday and worse yet no even show up in NYC to celebrate our birthdays.

Maybe she got angry for you leaving and acted immature about it by not calling you. You didnt do anything wrong, you called her and waited for her and she never showed. You seem like a nice friend girls to even going to her shower, wedding, etc. How did you guys all of a sudden got in contact again? You called her or she called you to invite you??

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She called me a little while after she got engaged and invited me to the engagement party.


IDK, maybe she was pissed that I moved. We were always REALLY close, and then after that, we weren't. It's just upsetting.

I wonder if I'll even speak to her before my shower. (I don't know when it is, but, it has to be sometime soon, there's only 4 months until the wedding.)

it's a sad fact, but true. people grow close for certain reasons and we'll grow apart for other reasons.

and it's difficult to accept, that after all these years, people have a change of heart about where your relationship stands with them.

i have been going through something very similar for years, not only with siblings, but with childhood friends. and it makes me sad, but there isn't anything i can do about it. people change. i just try to accept them for who they have become and hold dear the memory of where we came from, because if it wasn't for that, i wouldn't be who i am today. so, in the process, i grow too.

it's hard not to get mad.

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by rahana316

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by rahana316

Sorry to be blunt, but she does not seem to be a geninue person towards you. She is giving off the impression that she feels guitly about not past issues (you not being a part of her bridal party, not keeing in touch) and does not know how to deal with it.

You should not be upset about it. She views her friendship towards you much much different than you view yours with her. Maybe because she lost contact with you for so long she doesnt feel to need to tell you right away.

Don't let it upset you. It's not worth it. Maybe you should give her a call, be the bigger person and express your happiness for her and her pregnancy. Let her know you heard through the grapevine that she was having a baby. And dont mention that you're upset or anything.

Was there a specific reason you guys stopped talking?

---

It's alright -- I'm not offended, and I see exactly where you're coming from.

I don't think there is a specific reason that we stopped talking. I moved fairly quickly -- I was planning a move in the summer, and I wound up moving in April. Not that I moved to Outer Mongolia or anything..... lol.

Oh, I just remembered what happened. Her b-day is in April, right before mine. I called her that day, and left a message, she never called back. We came back to NY for our birthday (my friend that I talk about in the first post, my fh and me all have the same bday) and she and her (BF at the time) were supposed to meet us on the train to come to NYC, and they never showed, and she never called. She called my other friend to apologize, and never called me, and she wasn't mad at me -- so I don't know why she did that, but, after that, we didn't talk for a while.

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See like I said before you consider her more of a friend that she does for you. Why would she never called you. There was no reason for it. That alone should have set off a light bulb in your head. What kind of geninue friend does not call me for my birthday and worse yet no even show up in NYC to celebrate our birthdays.

Maybe she got angry for you leaving and acted immature about it by not calling you. You didnt do anything wrong, you called her and waited for her and she never showed. You seem like a nice friend girls to even going to her shower, wedding, etc. How did you guys all of a sudden got in contact again? You called her or she called you to invite you??

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She called me a little while after she got engaged and invited me to the engagement party.


IDK, maybe she was pissed that I moved. We were always REALLY close, and then after that, we weren't. It's just upsetting.

I wonder if I'll even speak to her before my shower. (I don't know when it is, but, it has to be sometime soon, there's only 4 months until the wedding.)

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She doesnt call you for her birthday but calls you to invite you to her shower?? I dont understand people sometimes. What ever happen to someone having a consience. Maybe she was upset you left but she should have acted bigger about it.

I would still call her - you seem to care for her alot even if she does return the affection. Call her and congratulate her. When you talk to her you will right away get a feel for her rsponse to you.

I hope for the sake of you she comes to your shower and wedding because I would get upest if she didnt.

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Posted by rahana316

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by rahana316

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Posted by AmandaLynn04

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Posted by rahana316

Sorry to be blunt, but she does not seem to be a geninue person towards you. She is giving off the impression that she feels guitly about not past issues (you not being a part of her bridal party, not keeing in touch) and does not know how to deal with it.

You should not be upset about it. She views her friendship towards you much much different than you view yours with her. Maybe because she lost contact with you for so long she doesnt feel to need to tell you right away.

Don't let it upset you. It's not worth it. Maybe you should give her a call, be the bigger person and express your happiness for her and her pregnancy. Let her know you heard through the grapevine that she was having a baby. And dont mention that you're upset or anything.

Was there a specific reason you guys stopped talking?

---

It's alright -- I'm not offended, and I see exactly where you're coming from.

I don't think there is a specific reason that we stopped talking. I moved fairly quickly -- I was planning a move in the summer, and I wound up moving in April. Not that I moved to Outer Mongolia or anything..... lol.

Oh, I just remembered what happened. Her b-day is in April, right before mine. I called her that day, and left a message, she never called back. We came back to NY for our birthday (my friend that I talk about in the first post, my fh and me all have the same bday) and she and her (BF at the time) were supposed to meet us on the train to come to NYC, and they never showed, and she never called. She called my other friend to apologize, and never called me, and she wasn't mad at me -- so I don't know why she did that, but, after that, we didn't talk for a while.

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See like I said before you consider her more of a friend that she does for you. Why would she never called you. There was no reason for it. That alone should have set off a light bulb in your head. What kind of geninue friend does not call me for my birthday and worse yet no even show up in NYC to celebrate our birthdays.

Maybe she got angry for you leaving and acted immature about it by not calling you. You didnt do anything wrong, you called her and waited for her and she never showed. You seem like a nice friend girls to even going to her shower, wedding, etc. How did you guys all of a sudden got in contact again? You called her or she called you to invite you??

---

She called me a little while after she got engaged and invited me to the engagement party.


IDK, maybe she was pissed that I moved. We were always REALLY close, and then after that, we weren't. It's just upsetting.

I wonder if I'll even speak to her before my shower. (I don't know when it is, but, it has to be sometime soon, there's only 4 months until the wedding.)

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She doesnt call you for her birthday but calls you to invite you to her shower?? I dont understand people sometimes. What ever happen to someone having a consience. Maybe she was upset you left but she should have acted bigger about it.

I would still call her - you seem to care for her alot even if she does return the affection. Call her and congratulate her. When you talk to her you will right away get a feel for her rsponse to you.

I hope for the sake of you she comes to your shower and wedding because I would get upest if she didnt.

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I will call her -- eventually. I'm hoping she'll call me first. And, if she doesn't come to my shower -- and it's before the wedding invites go out -- she may not get one.

Nah, I wouldn't let it bother me. You said yourself that you're not that close with her anymore and the relationship has changed. I would maybe send her a card just letting her know that you heard thru the grapvine that she's preggers and congratulations... or, just don't say/send anything at all.. but I wouldn't get upset over it.

ETA: I also wouldn't get yourself upset because she obviously realizes that her not telling you sooner is pretty shiitty. KWIM?