NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Original post by AmandaLynn04
Let me give a little bit of background info.
I have a friend that I have been VERY close with since early on in HS. We kind of grew distant when I moved, we didn't talk for a while, and it upset both of us. She got engaged at the end of last year, and we kind of patched things up then, but, it's not the same.
She had an e-party, shower, and wedding, we went to all 3. So, including her bachelorette party, which was in AC, I made 4 separate trips (3 to NY). She didn't ask me to be in her bridal party, and, she said, (not to me, but, to another VERY close friend, who wouldn't make it up, or anything like that). Well, I was going to have Amanda in my bridal party but after she diasappeared, I'm not.' Or something to that effect, I don't remember the exact words.
I didn't call her as much as I should have, and, we don't really speak as often as we used to, like I said, it isn't the same -- but, we are still friends.
So, now I have heard that she is pregnant. One of my very close friends told me -- about a month ago. She hasn't called me to tell me yet. Then, I heard from the same friend, the other day, that she said, 'I'm such a bad friend. Amanda is going to be mad at me, I haven't called her to tell her yet.'
Damn right I'm mad, and very upset! I just think it is so f*cked up that she hasn't called me to tell me -- and I can't call her, because I'm not going to betray the friend who told me.
Would you be mad, or upset, too?
AmandaLynn04
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Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Posted by AMGBride2008
Nah, I wouldn't let it bother me. You said yourself that you're not that close with her anymore and the relationship has changed. I would maybe send her a card just letting her know that you heard thru the grapvine that she's preggers and congratulations... or, just don't say/send anything at all.. but I wouldn't get upset over it.
ETA: I also wouldn't get yourself upset because she obviously realizes that her not telling you sooner is pretty shiitty. KWIM?
Yeah -- you're right. It just *****.
It's hard to be away from my friends, because, if I hadn't moved, this wouldn't have happened -- but, at the same time, it shouldn't have happened because I moved.
I guess it's helped me figure out who my friends are, if nothing else.
Toucan311
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Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Amanda, friends come in and out of our lives, and sometimes we grow out or grow apart from them. Its just life. You have every right to be upset, but know that most likely things have just gradually grown apart, and its probably more about her being busy w/her own life and less about her purposly not telling you.
kkss1419
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Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
I can totally relate! I had a very similar experience with a friend a few years ago. We grew up together, and were very close. She went off to college, I had a child. She is my son's godmother. We drifted apart and were not as close. I had a family tragedy right around the same time she got engaged, so since I didn't call her very frequently and was not included in her bridal party. It upset me because she told me I wasn't included because she didn't want too many people. She had 12 BMs!! After her wedding, which was out of state and I attended along with her out of state shower, she basically stopped calling me all together. I found out she bought a house & was pregnant through other mutual friends. I waited for her to tell me her self, she never did. Unfortunately we haven't spoke since.
davenjess
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Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by AMGBride2008
Nah, I wouldn't let it bother me. You said yourself that you're not that close with her anymore and the relationship has changed. I would maybe send her a card just letting her know that you heard thru the grapvine that she's preggers and congratulations... or, just don't say/send anything at all.. but I wouldn't get upset over it.
ETA: I also wouldn't get yourself upset because she obviously realizes that her not telling you sooner is pretty shiitty. KWIM?
Yeah -- you're right. It just *****.
It's hard to be away from my friends, because, if I hadn't moved, this wouldn't have happened -- but, at the same time, it shouldn't have happened because I moved.
I guess it's helped me figure out who my friends are, if nothing else.
I think that is the perfect thought process. People will come & go - but the ones who are genuine will no be affected by location!!!
AmandaLynn04
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Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Posted by Mimacat
Amanda, friends come in and out of our lives, and sometimes we grow out or grow apart from them. Its just life. You have every right to be upset, but know that most likely things have just gradually grown apart, and its probably more about her being busy w/her own life and less about her purposly not telling you.
You're right -- but the fact that she has acknowledged not telling me -- and realizes it's shiity -- that's hurtful.
With all of this, I know things will never be the same, and that's fine. She chose for things to be like this.
AMGBride2008
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Member since
Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by AMGBride2008
Nah, I wouldn't let it bother me. You said yourself that you're not that close with her anymore and the relationship has changed. I would maybe send her a card just letting her know that you heard thru the grapvine that she's preggers and congratulations... or, just don't say/send anything at all.. but I wouldn't get upset over it.
ETA: I also wouldn't get yourself upset because she obviously realizes that her not telling you sooner is pretty shiitty. KWIM?
Yeah -- you're right. It just *****.
It's hard to be away from my friends, because, if I hadn't moved, this wouldn't have happened -- but, at the same time, it shouldn't have happened because I moved.
I guess it's helped me figure out who my friends are, if nothing else.
I know what you mean... it's so hard to keep in touch with people (near and far). The way I see it though is that moving is no reason to loose touch and if you did loose touch, it probably would've happened whether you moved or not... make sense?
AmandaLynn04
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Posted by AMGBride2008
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by AMGBride2008
Nah, I wouldn't let it bother me. You said yourself that you're not that close with her anymore and the relationship has changed. I would maybe send her a card just letting her know that you heard thru the grapvine that she's preggers and congratulations... or, just don't say/send anything at all.. but I wouldn't get upset over it.
ETA: I also wouldn't get yourself upset because she obviously realizes that her not telling you sooner is pretty shiitty. KWIM?
Yeah -- you're right. It just *****.
It's hard to be away from my friends, because, if I hadn't moved, this wouldn't have happened -- but, at the same time, it shouldn't have happened because I moved.
I guess it's helped me figure out who my friends are, if nothing else.
I know what you mean... it's so hard to keep in touch with people (near and far). The way I see it though is that moving is no reason to loose touch and if you did loose touch, it probably would've happened whether you moved or not... make sense?
Yes, it makes plenty of sense. It very well may have eventually happened either way.
Toucan311
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Member since
Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by Mimacat
Amanda, friends come in and out of our lives, and sometimes we grow out or grow apart from them. Its just life. You have every right to be upset, but know that most likely things have just gradually grown apart, and its probably more about her being busy w/her own life and less about her purposly not telling you.
You're right -- but the fact that she has acknowledged not telling me -- and realizes it's shiity -- that's hurtful.
With all of this, I know things will never be the same, and that's fine. She chose for things to be like this.
If you want, we can egg her house.
AmandaLynn04
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
Posted by Mimacat
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by Mimacat
Amanda, friends come in and out of our lives, and sometimes we grow out or grow apart from them. Its just life. You have every right to be upset, but know that most likely things have just gradually grown apart, and its probably more about her being busy w/her own life and less about her purposly not telling you.
You're right -- but the fact that she has acknowledged not telling me -- and realizes it's shiity -- that's hurtful.
With all of this, I know things will never be the same, and that's fine. She chose for things to be like this.
If you want, we can egg her house.
She's still in an apartment, we'll do it when they move into a house.
HAPPY HOUSEWARMING!!
anneandchris
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Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
I don't think you are being a baby at all and have every right to be upset. Anger is just an emotion that comes along with being upset -- that is only natural.
I am going through something similiar so I completely understand how you feel. You want to be able to just cut ties but it is not possible when someone has been part of your life for so long and there is no true cause for the seperation.
She probably feels stupid calling now and the longer you wait to do something the more major it seems to be. I wouldn't call her for the sake of not getting your mutual friend involved.
And if you are anything like me when she does finally call to tell you -- you will be more then excited for her and all this will seem petty in the grand scheme and then it will go back to being weird again.
Sorry if this isn't helping much I guess my point is I know what you are going through and there is no real way to make it the way it ever was == and it is only natural to be upset about that.
bluegreen08
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Re: NWR - So, how would you react to this? LONG -- sorry
I would be upset too... but it's up to you whether you want to try to keep this friendship afloat or let it die. One of my best friends from college has been hard to reach since she started grad school bc shes been working a lot and has been very busy and lives 1000 miles away. i talked to her about it, made sure theres nothing else going on, and when i learned that shes just busy and overwhelmed ive been making an extra effort to keep in touch.
i'm 1000 miles away from a lot of my friends and it requires a lot more effort and im out of the loop with some stuff, but i just accept it and try my best to keep in touch with the people i care most about.
maybe give her a call, play dumb and say you wanted to see how shes doing since you avent heard from her in a while. see if she mentions being preg. it's possible that the longer she waits the more uncomfortable she feels telling you and its 'easier' to just let it slide.
the thing about babies is, if she tells you at 6 months you're gonna know she knew earlier
