Official thread for those who have LOST PARENT(s)....

---

Posted by kaMOHandTWN

I heard it at work today too KP!

I had yahoo music on...heard Train and thought of Daddy!

---

hi sissy!

So sorry for everyone's losses... I lost my father when I was 11 years old, Some things I did to incoperate him but not make it into a huge memorial seen were the following...

1- Picture haning off of my Bouquet



2- We had the entire hall so on the mantels of the fireplaces... we placed family pictures throughout



3- We had a memorial candle at the church, just a little saying and then lit a candle. Then we had the candle brought back to our hall and put on a table behind ours, with my fathers picture next to it...



4- we also had a little memorial comment in our program *Ignore the slipper basket photo hehehe

ooops... sorry! Posted twice

My dad died 5 yrs ago... we're not doing anything too sad.

Bouquet charm, memorial candle, mention in the program.

Mom's walking me down and we're dancing to a song she used to sing to me when I was younger.

for everyone who's lost someone close to them.

i lost my mom 12 years ago to breast cancer she would have turned 60 on January 26 2008 this is why i am getting married on that day in honor of her hopefully she will be at the wedding in spirit...in lieu of favors i am also making a donation to the breast cancer society in honor of her....

---

Posted by KarinAmanda

my dad's song just came on the radio at work

does anyone have a re-occuring 'sign' as odd as that sounds?

backround - on the day of my dad's funeral, as we were in the limo pulling into the cemetery (following the herse) we heard for the first time 'calling all angels' by train. when i go to the cemetery to visit his grave, no joke, i hear this song probably 8 out of 10 times either on my way there or back.

keep in mind, this is not a popular song and at this point, its about 5 years old. when i hear it, i smile and think of him, knowing hes thinking of me

---

OH definately! I believe there are signs all around us to remind us that our deceased relatives are looking down on us. When my cousin passed away, it was very difficult for me to see my 3 year old cousin die before me. I continued to see many signs of her when she passed and iIt helped me cope with her death.Shes been gone 4 years and from time to time i still see signs.

One of my favorite signs was when my sister went to go get her hair cut for locks of love and in the hair salon the enya song that was playing when my cousin died came on. My cousin died from cancer and my sister was donating it in memory of her. Oh and another was just recently I always look at the cabbage patch kids to see if i can find any of my friends or cousins names and give them as gifts. Well, i found one named Madison Elizabeth which was my cousins first and middle name and had blue eyes and blonde hair just like her. Of course i bought it and on the way home, I heard that train song, 'calling all angels' which was one of her songs that came out around the time she passed. OK now I have to stop bc im starting to tear up!

Wow reading all these wonderful ideas has left me a bit shaken....
My mom passed away 18 years ago on Jan 3, My FH's mom passed away I think 10 years ago, and last year his grandma (who basically raised him since his mom battled cancer for 10 years before she died) passed away last year. They are all buried right across the walk way from eachother....I SWEAR IT WAS HIS MOM AND MY MOM THAT GOT US TOGETHER!!!! anyway we've thought really hard about how to inclued them without getting everyone too sad (my father still cries she was his highschool sweetheart) my FH and I cry just thinking about how they arent going to be there....
We wanted to go to the cemetary after the ceremony and i was going to leave my Bk there
We want a photo of them and a poem we both are working on somewhere in the reception hall
My dad bro and I are going to have a dance for my mom My FH doesnt think he can handle it.
Thats all I have at the moment

Mary MOB

When I was 11 my mom passed away from Breast Cancer. She fought it for 3 yrs. It was very hard growing up with out a mom and now its even harder planning a wedding without her.

Fh and I are going to do something special for the wedding and we are also doing a donation card instead of a favor. We are going to donate to Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer foundation. I know that she will be watching down upon both of us and my family on my wedding day.

---

Posted by DnellD809

My mom passed away 3 years ago. When she got married she had a special dance with her mom to Helen Reddy's-You and me Against the World. It was all of ours song for eachother. So I was going to dance with her to it at my wedding as well as a different song with my dad. Since she passed away I am going to use that song for my father daughter dance. Everyone in the family knows it was our song so I think it'll be really special...it's just going to be really hard for me to hold back the tears!

---

My mom used to sing me that song too when I was little. I always loved the end when the little girl says 'I love you mommy'.

My mom passed away on Easter Sunday in 05 and my dad when I was 16. My mom and I were very close. She was going to walk me down the aisle and we were going to dance to 'Kind and Generous' by Natalie Merchant. I still can't even hear that song without breaking into tears. FH and I have been dating for 13 years so mom knew him very well at least. I remember the day I played the song for her and we both cried.

The wedding is suppose to be a happy time, so I'm not playing that song and I'm not dancing with anyone. My florist is making a wreath to put around my memory candle. Not sure if I'm making one or ordering one...any ideas???

The hardest part will be making that trip down the aisle by myself. My FFIL offered to walk me down (how sweet)...I just think he should be standing next to his wife while his son is getting married. Such mixed emotions about it.

Thanks for keeping this thread going girls...its tough planning your wedding without your loved ones...hugs to all of you...

I lost both of my parents in the last 4 years. A couple of months ago I had a dream that my father walked me down the aisle and I woke up feeling as though he really did. My brother is going walk me, but I think that may make me cry more than anything else that day.

I'm putting a picture charm of them on my bouquet and I want to make a memorial candle, but FH would rather me not add his father to it (he died 3 years ago), so now I don't know how to handle that. I can't just do it for my parents because it looks like I'm just plain inconsiderate and all about 'me' so now I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to also make lace 'handkerchiefs' for me (for my bouquet also), all of my sisters, my nieces, my sister-in-law, my mother's best friend and her daughter from the material from my mother's wedding dress. It is a short dress and was never preserved and I know nobody will ever be able to wear it, but I'm still having a hard time actually making the 1st cut (I really don't know why, though, I know it sounds silly).

I need to join you guys. The past few days have been horrible for me. I never really posted too much personal information on here, but I think having this support group is a wonderful thing. My dad died this past summer. Totally unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was 59, and a runner in perfect health. I was extremely close to him. I'm a mess. I've put off all wedding planning, and am finally getting back into the swing of things. Sometimes keeping busy makes me focus on little things and not the pain. Sometimes it sneaks up on me out of nowhere . My dad would absolutely want me to have the wedding we were planning. He loves FH and was very happy for us. He was there to sign the contract at the RH in June. Its just so hard. FH lost his mom when he was 18. He knows what I'm going through, and has been wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without him.
I don't know what we are going to do special for them. My mom will be walking me down the aisle. My brother wanted to walk with her, but I don't want him to. I love him dearly, but he's not my parent. Its traditional in the Jewish religion for both parents to walk you down, and I'm lucky that I do have my mom to walk me down. FH's dad will walk him down.
KarinAmanda -- if you go to the cemetery to visit your dad regularly, then I think you should on your wedding day. You don't want to regret not doing it, or resent FH for not letting you. Find the time. Nobody will start without you!
Ladies, my heart and prayers are with all of you. I think its great that we have this space to connect with others who understand what we are going through.

I don't know how I didnt see this thread until now!!!

I lost my dad in a car accident almost 3 years ago. I've been on here quite a few times talking about how hard it is to plan the wedding without him here for everything.

FH's dad was a police officer- killed in the line of duty when he was 12. So we have been each other's support system.

My mom is walking me down the aisle. My brother is in bridal party. I am going to light a candle by myself before I walk down the aisle (not for everyone to see-just a private moment) and then also light a memoriam candle with the officiant in front of everyone. We have included them in our programs in the Memoriam section. I am also adding a picture of my dad on a charm inside my boquet.

We did the invitations over the weekend and we figured a way to include our dad's on the invites without making it seem as if someone deceased was giving me away. It took hours but our DOC was beyond patient and helpful!

I'm not sure what I'm doing with the father daughter dance. I'm either going to ask my brother to dance with me OR have the dj ask everyone to come out to dance to a song in memory of my dad. Not sure which one I can handle better.

Please FM is anyone needs to talk.

---

Posted by MsPotterhead

I need to join you guys. The past few days have been horrible for me. I never really posted too much personal information on here, but I think having this support group is a wonderful thing. My dad died this past summer. Totally unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was 59, and a runner in perfect health. I was extremely close to him. I'm a mess. I've put off all wedding planning, and am finally getting back into the swing of things. Sometimes keeping busy makes me focus on little things and not the pain. Sometimes it sneaks up on me out of nowhere . My dad would absolutely want me to have the wedding we were planning. He loves FH and was very happy for us. He was there to sign the contract at the RH in June. Its just so hard. FH lost his mom when he was 18. He knows what I'm going through, and has been wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without him.
I don't know what we are going to do special for them. My mom will be walking me down the aisle. My brother wanted to walk with her, but I don't want him to. I love him dearly, but he's not my parent. Its traditional in the Jewish religion for both parents to walk you down, and I'm lucky that I do have my mom to walk me down. FH's dad will walk him down.
KarinAmanda -- if you go to the cemetery to visit your dad regularly, then I think you should on your wedding day. You don't want to regret not doing it, or resent FH for not letting you. Find the time. Nobody will start without you!
Ladies, my heart and prayers are with all of you. I think its great that we have this space to connect with others who understand what we are going through.

---

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Mine has been almost 3 years and I am still a mess when it comes to even thinking about walking down the aisle without my dad. My dad and I were really close to-he was my best friend. You just have to keep telling yourself that your dad would want you to be happy and he would want you to marry the man of your dreams. I know it's probably ripping my dad's heart out to see me cry every day and even more that he isn't here for everything. But I know that somehow-someway, they will be at our sides on our wedding day. Even if it's not the way we want them to be. I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know it stinks and it's not easy. xoxo

---

Posted by MsPotterhead

I don't know what we are going to do special for them. My mom will be walking me down the aisle. My brother wanted to walk with her, but I don't want him to. I love him dearly, but he's not my parent. Its traditional in the Jewish religion for both parents to walk you down, and I'm lucky that I do have my mom to walk me down. FH's dad will walk him down.

---

That's very sweet of your brother, but I agree with you. I think you need to do what makes you most comfortable on your day.

For me, when my mother was sick (her death 4 years ago was VERY sudden), the day we knew we were probably going to lose her my dad was crying and telling me & my sister that he didn't want to live without her. We wanted to remind him that he has 6 children and 7 grandchildren who loved him and were still here for him (not the same I know) and we said he had to be there to walk us down the aisle someday. He said he was sure that my brother would love to do it for him. He ended up passing away a year and a half later and I knew that I would ask my brother to do that for my dad when the time came. He was very touched. I just wish my parents could have met my FH, but we both really believe that they were the ones who picked him out for me.

It really is all about what makes you the most comfortable and means the most to you on this special day, especially because it really is still very fresh and recent for you.

---

Posted by hannahshim

great thread..
I need help actually

I'm not sure what I am going to do.. I lost my father 2 years ago and my moms been out of my life since i was 2 or 3.. I've only maybe been with her like 3years out of my whole life and shes remarried in Korea... I wanted to do a little memorial thing for my father but my sister and brother doesnt think it will be fair to our 'Step father'............. my mother said shes coming down for my wedding and that my step father will walk me down..... everyone thinks it the right thing for him to walk me down but i feel like its not fair to my father that passed....I've meet my step father before and he is super nice but its just not the same....... you know what I'm saying? I rather have my brother walk me down but people think its not right since hes younger than me and I do have a step father....

is anyone in my situation or close to it??
if there is anyone pleaseee HELP MEEE..

I feel like im going to let someone down either way i go

---

I absolutely understand. My parents were divorced way before my dad died. My mom is remarried and I love my step dad BUT he is not my father. He wasnt before my dad died and he is not now. I have asked my mom to walk me down but had she not been able to, I would have asked my brother. I completely understand. My step dad is a great guy but I feel like it's not fair to my dad to give that honor to another man. Just my opinion. But I really do understand where you are coming from and I think it's your choice- no one else's.

---

Posted by SoontobeMrsMc

---

Posted by MsPotterhead

I need to join you guys. The past few days have been horrible for me. I never really posted too much personal information on here, but I think having this support group is a wonderful thing. My dad died this past summer. Totally unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was 59, and a runner in perfect health. I was extremely close to him. I'm a mess. I've put off all wedding planning, and am finally getting back into the swing of things. Sometimes keeping busy makes me focus on little things and not the pain. Sometimes it sneaks up on me out of nowhere . My dad would absolutely want me to have the wedding we were planning. He loves FH and was very happy for us. He was there to sign the contract at the RH in June. Its just so hard. FH lost his mom when he was 18. He knows what I'm going through, and has been wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without him.
I don't know what we are going to do special for them. My mom will be walking me down the aisle. My brother wanted to walk with her, but I don't want him to. I love him dearly, but he's not my parent. Its traditional in the Jewish religion for both parents to walk you down, and I'm lucky that I do have my mom to walk me down. FH's dad will walk him down.
KarinAmanda -- if you go to the cemetery to visit your dad regularly, then I think you should on your wedding day. You don't want to regret not doing it, or resent FH for not letting you. Find the time. Nobody will start without you!
Ladies, my heart and prayers are with all of you. I think its great that we have this space to connect with others who understand what we are going through.

---

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Mine has been almost 3 years and I am still a mess when it comes to even thinking about walking down the aisle without my dad. My dad and I were really close to-he was my best friend. You just have to keep telling yourself that your dad would want you to be happy and he would want you to marry the man of your dreams. I know it's probably ripping my dad's heart out to see me cry every day and even more that he isn't here for everything. But I know that somehow-someway, they will be at our sides on our wedding day. Even if it's not the way we want them to be. I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know it stinks and it's not easy. xoxo

---

Thank you! I especially hear you on the part about your dad's heart being ripped out to see you crying. I think that all the time, I almost feel guilty when I lose it. I know its irrational to feel guilty, but I can only imagine how much it would hurt him to see us in so much pain -- and how guilty he's feeling about leaving us too early -- sounds crazy huh?

---

Posted by lindaronwedding

---

Posted by MsPotterhead

I don't know what we are going to do special for them. My mom will be walking me down the aisle. My brother wanted to walk with her, but I don't want him to. I love him dearly, but he's not my parent. Its traditional in the Jewish religion for both parents to walk you down, and I'm lucky that I do have my mom to walk me down. FH's dad will walk him down.

---

That's very sweet of your brother, but I agree with you. I think you need to do what makes you most comfortable on your day.

For me, when my mother was sick (her death 4 years ago was VERY sudden), the day we knew we were probably going to lose her my dad was crying and telling me & my sister that he didn't want to live without her. We wanted to remind him that he has 6 children and 7 grandchildren who loved him and were still here for him (not the same I know) and we said he had to be there to walk us down the aisle someday. He said he was sure that my brother would love to do it for him. He ended up passing away a year and a half later and I knew that I would ask my brother to do that for my dad when the time came. He was very touched. I just wish my parents could have met my FH, but we both really believe that they were the ones who picked him out for me.

It really is all about what makes you the most comfortable and means the most to you on this special day, especially because it really is still very fresh and recent for you.

---

My mom is thinking the way your dad was. She is young and healthy, but so miserable. They were married when she was 19 and he was 21.
I think its beautiful how you think your parents picked FH out for you -- I bet its true