Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

Lsorrent Posted: Nov 09, 2009 07:48 AM

Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

So I have this bridesmaid (an old college roommate) who lives in California (originally from NJ), so it's usually really difficult for us to talk on the phone b/c of the time difference. We email back and forth a lot, but I want to actually talk with her. So we said that we were going to speak on the phone yesterday. Well she called me, and I happened to have company, so I told her I'd call her back. Ok, fine.

So, I call her back and I *think* she meant to put me through to voicemail, but she didn't. She picked up the phone and I heard her talking to whoever she was with. Now here's the kicker: She was talking about me, and the bridesmaid dress. I heard her saying to him 'oh it's my friend Laura, I'm in her wedding, she wants to talk about the dresses. They're nice (with kind of a weird tone), they're strapless, long, and.....she's italian, so she wants to put the crystal brooch on the side of it........'

So then he says:
'Oh, so it's pretty cheesy looking huh?'

And then she says:
'Well yea, but when you accept to be a bridesmaid, you kind of just do what you have to.'

And all this time, I'm screaming her name through the phone to get her to realize that I can hear this!!!!!!!!

So now I'm really bothered by this because: (1) W T F does me being italian have to do with anything, and (2) I wish she would've just told me how she felt.

Now I feel like I need to say something. FH doesn't think I should, but I feel like I need to or else it's going to continue to fester. But he feels that I'm risking the possibility of getting into a huge fight with her. My mom says I need to talk to her about it.

I called her back and just left a message (because this time it went to VM) saying 'Hey, it's me....I'm not sure what happened, if you accidentally hung up, or if we got disconnected, or if you meant to put me through to VM, but give me a call....'

So do I say something??? Let her know that what I heard (even though I wasn't really supposed to) is bothering me? Or do I just let it go?

kater08 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 07:53 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I think anyone who is close enough to you to be asked to be a BM, you should be able to talk to them without hesitation.

I would definitely bring up the 'oh she's Italian' comment. I'm sure she didn't mean any harm by it, but it wasn't a nice thing to say. Was she calling you tacky?? Gaudy?? Either way, I would tell her I didn't appreciate the comments.

As for the dress...I don't think you can really say anything. We've all been BM's and had to wear a dress we were less than thrilled with. A good BM wears the dress and keeps her mouth shut, because if that's the dress the bride wants, your opinion as BM doesn't really matter. You won't make your whole BP happy.

mosh424 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 07:56 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I would say something!

And that italian comment got me mad! The brooch has nothing to do with being Italian is she kidding me? It is called classy

mrsdraskin2009 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 07:57 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I don't really see the harm in it, I'd let it go unless another issue comes up

20mrsc10 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:01 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

This is a hard one..I mean I'm sure it was innocent..have you ever said something about a friend that wasn't really nice but not really malicious either? In terms of the italian comment, who knows..as for the dress, isn't it better that you're happy, not her? I had a bm complain about the dress to my face-eventually I told her to shut up and I think it would have been better if she just kept her mouth shut about it the whole time..

Personally, I prob wouldn't say anything specific, just something along the lines of 'so good job of picking up your phone by accident the other day...'

Spring143 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:03 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

lol i went to a wedding last night and they had crystal brooch on the side of the dress (the bride was jewish not italian -i dont see how that has anything to do with being italian!) It looked really nice!!
Talk to her !!

Lsorrent Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:08 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I guess maybe I should also add that when she saw the dress with a brooch on it, the brooch was hideous. But when I emailed the girls I said that that was NOT the one we'd be using, we just wanted to get an idea. ETA: unfortunately, because she lives in California, she never got a chance to help pick out dresses. I emailed her two that we had chosen and asked which she liked better. And she liked this one!

Here's one of my BM's in the dress with the brooch from the bridal shop, and then a pic of the actual brooch that I bought them:

FutureMrsSoltan Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:12 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I would say something. you dont want it to keep building up inside and then u explode in her later on. if someone is ur good friend you would think she would be able to tell u how she feels.

barbtony Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:12 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I would say something - Its better to get it out in the open now then let it fester into something else.

JenBill61210 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:13 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

Posted by barbtony

I would say something - Its better to get it out in the open now then let it fester into something else.

ITA

StaceyWill Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:14 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

That's a tough one!! I mean it's really something that you shouldn't of heard, but you did. Yikes!!!
But since you did hear it, then I think you should talk to her about it!!

stinenandy2010 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:19 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I would say something...friends should be honest with one another.

And with the whole 'italian' comment....now I don't see this in your dress at all...honestly your dress is so classy and simple and the brooch gives it a little pop. I understand her italian comment in general, but it doesn't pertain to your dress in any way...or your wedding for that matter.

marinai7 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:23 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

I would probably talk to her about it. You don't want it to build up inside where you end up drifting apart because you keep thinking about what you over heard. I would just bring it up nicely and calmly without jumping down her throat so she can actually hear you and listen. Good luck!!

Jna2010 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:27 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

i would def say something!! otherwise if you dont its just gonna bug you,... um im greek so i wonder what that translates into bridesmaid dress style lmao maybe i shoul dhave them wear togas or something

Relish21 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:27 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

YIKES!!! that girl is duuuuuumb!
I'd mention something... make her grovel and apologize!

Drues_Girl Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:28 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

i dunno what to do about this one!!! This is why you never talk about people!!! Ummm.. if it were me.... i would have to say something. When something bothers me i need to talk about it and confront the person!

rdubs Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:39 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

If it were me, I'd end up saying something (but almost in a cute passive aggressive way)--maybe joking about how she needs to watch herself b/c if you had been a bridezilla, she'd be in BIG trouble! She'll feel kind of bad that way especially because you would be taking it pretty well.

Lsorrent Posted: Nov 09, 2009 08:40 AM

Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)

Posted by stinenandy2010

I would say something...friends should be honest with one another.

And with the whole 'italian' comment....now I don't see this in your dress at all...honestly your dress is so classy and simple and the brooch gives it a little pop. I understand her italian comment in general, but it doesn't pertain to your dress in any way...or your wedding for that matter.

Thanks Christine. This is what's been going through my head. And it is because that dress is so simple and my dress has SO much detail, that I wanted them to have a little something on their dress. That's why I decided to go with the brooch in the first place.