Ok I am a chicken

Irishbride Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:12 PM

Ok I am a chicken

I have to tell one of my BM that I no longer can have her in my wedding for family reasons. i saw her tonight and was suposed to tell her but I chickened out!!! I am such a wimp!!!!! Has anyone been in this situation? Can someone give me a suggestion?

Sunny Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:15 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

Ooh. That is a tough one. It depends on the situation. Will she understand? (would you, if you were her?)

Irishbride Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:17 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

Yes I think she will but I think that will be the end of our friendship.

NYCMeghan Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:18 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

There is no way you can keep her in the party? I can't imagine how tough this will be - for both of you!

WithThisRing Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:20 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

oh no.

Just be honest with her.

Is there anyway you can keep her involved (maybe as a reader, a hostess, anything)

Irishbride Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:20 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

I could but then I would probably get a lot of grief from the family. Its something that I really dont want to do now but in the long run will be better for both of us.

Irishbride Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:22 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

There is nothing else that I can really have her involved with. i hope she is not on this board lurking. She is getting married in Sept. i have not even meet her FI.

NYCMeghan Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:23 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

If not for the family situation would you still want her in the wedding? If so then I think you need to figure out a better compromise than 'firing' her. Unless she did something completely heinous to you or your family. There is some reason you asked her in the first place - does your family understand that reason?

NYCMeghan Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:23 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

are you in her wedding? How long has she been engaged? Getting married in a few months and you haven't met him?!??

Irishbride Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:31 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

Yes I would still probably want her to be in the wedding. She was married to my cousin and i was in their wedding party. She has remained friends with all of us. Its very hard to explain and again I am afraid she will be lurking. My family are not comfortable with having her in the wedding. She is having a very small wedding this time around. she has been with this guy for about a year but they have known each other for years.

butterfly20 Posted: Apr 03, 2003 11:32 PM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

it kinda seeims wrong for you to demote her just for your family reasons. You should first go to her and get her side of the story before anything else happens, its your day, your the bride

DaniRN Posted: Apr 04, 2003 12:52 AM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

No advice-just good luck

Olgaki Posted: Apr 04, 2003 02:24 AM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

It really is a tough call - maybe she wont even want to be in the wedding party because she'd rather spend the evening with her FI?? I guess the best thing to do is be straight with her so she knows where she stands (assuming ur family's opinion is not foreign to her) - - GOOD LUCK it is a MEGATOUGH situation!

Valenia Posted: Apr 04, 2003 07:45 AM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

I don't understand what reason your family could have for not wanting her in...

LnP2003 Posted: Apr 04, 2003 08:05 AM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

is it cuz she was a part of the family & now she's not? if that's the case - i'm going thru a similar situation, but I'm lucky - the family still calls her a daughter-in-law..... her kids are part of the wedding party, and FI brother (her ex) is just gonna have to deal - my MIL already warned him!

good luck honey!!!!

minniebride14 Posted: Apr 04, 2003 09:15 AM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

If you can tell us why you can't have her be a bridesmaid, it might be easier for someone to give you the right advice. Only if you're comfortable telling us though

ChristineC68 Posted: Apr 04, 2003 09:20 AM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

I can understand why some of your family might be uncomfortable with it, esp the cousin she was married to. I was freinds with ex's of family and they respected my position of family comes first. Good luck though - it's a tough situation to be in. I hope it works out so that you two can remain friends

MarcellaBella Posted: Apr 04, 2003 09:28 AM

Re: Ok I am a chicken

Honestly, if you asked her to be in your wedding, it was (or at least should have been) b/c you wanted her to be a part of your special day, is someone special to you, not who she is or was married to.. I feel that it's rude and unkind to get rid of her just b/c your family doesn't like the idea of her being in it or b/c there are hard feelings that she is no longer with your cousin.. No offense, but that seems cold and not right..they should respect you and your decisions.....they don't have to speak to her and if she is your friend, you should stick by her..

edited to say: and I'm sorry I don't mean to badger you're not being a chicken for kicking your friend out, it's more being a chicken for not sticking up for her.