Brides Helping Brides ™ - o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

amy&anthony Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:22 PM

o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Never mind girls - things are quite alright. Just a bit of stress from all this crazy wedding planning!... FH and I talked things over, (like any couple does after they argue) and we now understand what each other wants!

I have never been through so much at once, moving, grad school, planning a wedding, Gabe being sick.... but things are getting back on track..

To those of you who FM me and reply nicely.. THANK YOU.. HUGE HUGS. You are what LIWs is really about!

JodiBabe Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:26 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Amy

newnybride2be Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:26 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

I think you guys need to sit down and have a serious conversation. I dont want to sound rude, but with everything going on, and him constantly changing his mind, maybe you should take a break from the wedding thing and just spend time getting used to living together first. I know its a lot of things going on at once, but you need to agree on how money is going to be spent and how each other feels on different subjects before making such a big financial and emotional decision. I wish you the best of luck with everything.

Preshy7 Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:31 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

i would put wedding plans on hold and figure out what he wants to do before you waste any more time and money. once its in stone, then move forward with your plans.

Gonnacatchapeacock Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:36 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

i agree...i think it's flip flopping back & forth in too short of a time period.

I would move foward with everything when you have a solid plan you can work with and that is comfortable for you & your FH.

If money is the biggest factor in all of this...maybe you can wait to save more and have the wedding you truly want in a few more months down the line?

I'm sorry

janet Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:40 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

fm me if you need help with car, i got mine done for 800 and no problems!

lilmrs Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:51 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Honstly, you need to slow down, the sea-saw decision making is not good. You both need to sit down, figure out what type of wedding you want, come up with a budget and PLAN.

girlygrl33 Posted: Mar 15, 2005 06:00 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Hi Amy, I hate to say this but if I were you I would not even consider getting married until you guys well really HE figures out what HE wants and where his priorities are, b/c from what you've been saying and this going back and forth, he doesnt sound committed to getting married at all, sounds like hes just going along with what you want by yessing you to death but then he comes out with the well......
Marriage is a sacred commitment and HE doesnt sound likes hes ready at all. and maybe doesnt know how to tell you b/c he sees how much you want this. take a back seat on the planning and see what happens. you just might lose more money if you plan things leave deposits and then he completely backs out, then what. I wish you the best and hope it works out for you. Good luck.

jantany26 Posted: Mar 15, 2005 06:13 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

In all honesty, are you sure that he is ready for marriage?. I would definitely have a heart to heart talk with him and see if you can find a common ground. Be sure that you are both are in the same page and then you can retake the planning. Better late than never.jmho.

anjerandunder Posted: Mar 15, 2005 06:15 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

sit down and have a real long talk about what's really going on here..he might just be using the money thing because he's nervous..its a lot of stress and sometimes people handle it differently..

ladybug78 Posted: Mar 15, 2005 06:20 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

amy&anthony Posted: Mar 15, 2005 06:22 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

He wants to save for a house... Thats pretty much the whole thing... he wants me to have what I want, but wants a house too....

I wanted to have a nice wedding... it doesnt have to be all out moneywise with additions etc.., just really pretty...

lilmrs Posted: Mar 15, 2005 06:26 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Its hard when you both want two different things.
Weddings add up quickly!! and it's HARD to save for a house and even harder when you first move in!

If money is that tight, I don't know if you can do both, one of you is going to need to sacrifice.

ssdbk Posted: Mar 15, 2005 11:59 PM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Just be careful about not going over budget again. The money that you have saved, plus what you were given looks like a lot now but it will be gone fast with wedding planning. You don't want to be forced to back out on any vendors.

Have you considered a destination wedding? It's romantic, you won't have to invite as many people, your honeymoon is built right in, it will be memorable or your son, you can still wear a great dress. (FH and I considered it but decided not to).

amy&anthony Posted: Mar 16, 2005 12:07 AM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Thanks for the advice... I cant believe after tax how much the hall costs LOL

FH knows of a house going up for sale in June or July. Hes interested in it but wants us to have a good down payment. Thats why hes second guessing a big wedding. He again told me today I want you to have your wedding where you want to, just dont wipe out OUR savings in the process LOL He also gave me half of what I paid so far to put in my account, which is for bills and wedding..

Looks as though we have everything squared away... Im hearing you though - I will watch out.. I know somethings can be sooo expensive...

I decided on most things, just havent bought it all yet... I still want to do my own centerpieces. I know it will take time but I know my family can do it.. my aunt from Florida is going to be here helping us and she owns her own greenhouse business.. Im hoping that will save us some..

Im thinking photographer is the next big step. Dan Wagner has been available for all my dates so far...

Thank you again for thinking of me

marc_rai Posted: Mar 16, 2005 12:10 AM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

You and FH really should sit down and discuss your financial priorities. Neither one of you want to look back 5 years from now and think 'Man if we only didn't have that wedding we would have a house' or 'Man I wish I had the wedding I wanted'

I think one of the best things that FH and did was discuss our goals before we started saving for the wedding. We agreeded that right now our top priority is the wedding. After we get married we're going to put all the $$ that we were saving towards the wedding towards saving for a house and saving for children. Its all about $$ allocation. Having a wedding doesn't mean you can't have a house. It just means that you may need to wait.

cmastro25 Posted: Mar 16, 2005 12:14 AM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

I think you need to have a long talk. First off, you should not be paying for the wedding yourself.... And his mother's $6K doesn't count. FI and I opened a joint account when we first got engaged and we both deposit a set amount from our paychecks each month. It seems that he is not sure of the wedding and before you go any further, you need to settle this with him. I hate that you have to go through this. It may just be the anxiety of getting married or the thought of spending all that money on one day, or it might be something more. But, you need to find out now. It's not fair to you becuase I know that you have been wracking your brain and searching and searching for the perfect hall and the perfect time of day, etc. And, we are all here for you.

salsbride06 Posted: Mar 16, 2005 12:23 AM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

i am so sorry to hear that you luck isnt working for you. hopefully things will get better. my mom always said things get worse before the get better.....

allure Posted: Mar 16, 2005 12:31 AM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

onebutterfly Posted: Mar 16, 2005 07:20 AM

Re: o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

Let me start off by staying, this isn’t meant to be cruel to you or to hurt you. I am saying this because I don’t think any of your friends would ever say this and you need to hear it. I don’t think your FH wants to get married. I do not doubt that he loves you but all his actions speak of not wanting to get married. I think his excuses are stalling tactics whether conscious or unconscious. I say this because of what you have shared.

At first, he wanted to cancel your wedding at Jericho Terrance because he really wanted to live with you first instead of staying with your respective parents. So, he wanted that as a priority to the wedding. So you move in together and now he wants to cancel the wedding planning because he wants to buy a house that may come to market in June/July. If this is all true, why would he push for moving in together? Based on what you said, by staying with your respective parents and buying the house, assuming you closed and were able to move in, in August, you would have saved $12,000 in rent not including the security. That would have been the more intelligent move in strategizing for saving for a down payment.

You and he have barely known each other for over a year. You mentioned that you met in Feb. 2004. I think you should both slow down and really concentrate on making your commitment to build a life, good and bad, together. You and your son have already been through an unsuccessful marriage and shouldn’t rush into another one so quickly. I would hold off on the wedding planning and take all this energy and work on a healthier, open communicative relationship.