o.k. I think Im going to commit myself...

One suggestion I have is that you can do what my stepsister and her DH did (money was very tight for them and they were also trying to get a house).

My stepbrother paid for their wedding cake as his wedding gift.
Her friends all got together and paid for the DJ
We paid for the limos
Her other family members pitched in and paid for part of the hall.

It was a HUGE help to them and I think it was a great idea.

On another note, I get a bad feeling about this with your FI and it sounds like he is putting you off and avoiding the whole wedding. I think that you should stop putting your $ towards anything and save it for yourself. You arent married yet and your $ is your $. If his car breaks down he should pay for it out of his $ not out of the $$ you saved. You should split the rent and all the bills associated with living together 50/50. Be careful, maybe hold of on planning for a while... Goodluck to you

PS I just saw another post about opening a joint account and each putting the same set amoutn of $$ in the account each paycheck - that's exactly what DH and I did. It was a really good idea. We also saved our change and once a month brought that down and added it to the account.

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Posted by onebutterfly

Let me start off by staying, this isn’t meant to be cruel to you or to hurt you. I am saying this because I don’t think any of your friends would ever say this and you need to hear it. I don’t think your FH wants to get married. I do not doubt that he loves you but all his actions speak of not wanting to get married. I think his excuses are stalling tactics whether conscious or unconscious. I say this because of what you have shared.

At first, he wanted to cancel your wedding at Jericho Terrance because he really wanted to live with you first instead of staying with your respective parents. So, he wanted that as a priority to the wedding. So you move in together and now he wants to cancel the wedding planning because he wants to buy a house that may come to market in June/July. If this is all true, why would he push for moving in together? Based on what you said, by staying with your respective parents and buying the house, assuming you closed and were able to move in, in August, you would have saved $12,000 in rent not including the security. That would have been the more intelligent move in strategizing for saving for a down payment.

You and he have barely known each other for over a year. You mentioned that you met in Feb. 2004. I think you should both slow down and really concentrate on making your commitment to build a life, good and bad, together. You and your son have already been through an unsuccessful marriage and shouldn’t rush into another one so quickly. I would hold off on the wedding planning and take all this energy and work on a healthier, open communicative relationship.

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I kind of agree. The renting for less than a year just doesn't make sense if his goal is really saving for a house. I would say to him you were thinking maybe hold off on the wedding, see how things go...If he jumps on that and seems relieved, you have your answer. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or want to marry you eventually, but all signs point to not wanting it right now. You seem to be doing things at an almost frantic pace, and I understand you don't want to lose money, but losing money is much better than having a failed marriage. Good luck.

OH HUN!!!

Well, if he is planning to fornt money for the house, than I understand why he is not paying now....he might be saving everything for the house? Maybe he wants to surprise you?
I'd say talk to him about it! Money is the #1 reason for marrital issues they say..so it's good to have open lines of communication BEFORE you know? Believe me, we are going through the newlywed budget hell now!

it'll all work out!

well we talked things over.. I guess it was just a shock about the house... It seemed so far away and now its around the corner.... everyone keeps changing things on me and I wanted to make everyone happy... the dates for people coming from out of state for the wedding, my FMIL wants elegance, FH & I wanted beachy (we wanted a destination wedding to begin with)...
He said, when we got engaged Amy I would love to get married asap, but he meant cheap, like court house... I wasnt thrilled with that idea.. Then we thought of a destination wedding.. my family squashed that idea...Then he said I want you to do what you want, just tell me what you need.. He didnt realize how much it was going to be.. I dont think a lot of people do. It really is insane. So today he said, Amy look, you & I wanted a destination wedding to begin with, so lets just do it! Lets forget about trying to please everyone else and do what WE want... I think its a great idea because we will save a lot of $$ towards the house that way. I will invite some but let them know they have to pay for their airfare and stay by themselves... They dont have to come if they dont want to... I will be o.k. with just FH and I. With my thesis, him changing jobs, us moving into this great house, which we love and was the best idea by far .... I just have a lot going on..
So things are good.. So he called a few places while I was at work today and they said August will be the cheapest in Jamaica in the summer (couples resort?). Im so excited! I think it will make FH and I both happy and we can save some $$ and the wedding will be beautiful... Thanks for all your concern girls! Much less stressful that way..

Look into Turks and Caicos... Absolutely beautiful and I think they have some nicer resorts. PS... If you guys choose a couples resort - Gabe won't be able to go

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Posted by amy&anthony

BTW - what is renting less than a year? We signed a year long lease March 1st. We just found out last week a friend is planning to put his house on the market this summer.. We may have to break our lease but didnt know that in advance :)

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Some leeses have loop holes for people who buy a house. Talk to the landlord if you do buy, they may work with you since it takes awhile to close.

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Posted by amy&anthony

Thanks for the advice.. Hmmm.. Where do they allow children? Does Sandals?

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I don't think any Sandals allow children. Look into Breezes, Allegro, and Beaches (although I think Beaches is probably too family oriented)

wow, that would almost be wierd to be in a place with no children ever.. LOL... QUIET!!!!

Thanks for the suggestion of a cruise ship, but Im more interested in doing it ona beach if were going away.. :)

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Posted by amy&anthony

BTW - what is renting less than a year? We signed a year long lease March 1st. We just found out last week a friend is planning to put his house on the market this summer.. We may have to break our lease but didnt know that in advance :)

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I meant renting March-whenever you get the house. Good luck, we stayed at Couples Swept Away in Negril for the HM and it was amazing!!!!!!!! No kids though, I don't know if you were bringing Gabe? It was gorgeous though!

ETA: No kids even on premesis.

Thanks girls - I get FH on it LOL Im getting tired of all this.. I want to get married, but have had enough of etiquette, calligraphy, favors, donations, chair covers, color of linens..

I dont care LOL... I just want to get married.. LOL Maybe I need a wedding planner LOL
Ill let her just surprise me!!

pics.... Link to Beaches