Ok it is that time again-- so who has a joke for me!!!

I never heard that one!!!

I will have to share those with them tomorrow!!!

Ah back to class- 'see' you all tonight!

Why shouldn't you wear skirts in the winter???























Because you will get chapped lips

OMG Julz that is bad!!

two peanuts walking down the street one was a salted. LOL (assaulted)

The study hall kids are craving some more jokes!

They laughed at the ones that I could tell them

I was waiting for you!

Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !


Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ?
Pupil: Stale !


Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !


Teacher: What is 'can't' short for ?
Pupil: Can not miss.


Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?


Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?
Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir !


Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is ?
Pupil: Lassie !

Why did the orange go to the Dr?




































He wasn't peeling well

What do you get if you cross a dog and a frog?




A croaker spaniel!!





What is ET's favourite year?




19 ET 3 !!





Doc: Mrs. Smith, you have acute appendicitis.


Mrs. Smith: I came here to treated, not admired, Doctor!

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, 'Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.'

'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.'

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. 'What did the doctor say?'

'He said you're going to die,' she replied.

Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !


Ron I could actually see one of my students saying that!

Just a couple more


What can you use to cut the sea?

A sea-saw!!


Why can't two elephants go swimming?

Because they only have one pair of trunks!!



What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-Toad!!


What is a pig's favourite karate chop?

A pork chop!!


What do you give a sick canary?

Tweetment!!


What do clouds wear under their clothes?

Thunderwear

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright



Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?
Student: 12; January 2nd, February 2nd



Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age?
Student: The saus-age



What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother's day?
A school bus



Student: I'm not going back to school ever again!
Mother: Why not?
Student: The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!



Mother: What did you learn in school today?
Student: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Student: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!



How do bees get to school?
On a school buzz
Mother: Why did you swallow the money I just gave you?
Son: You said it was lunch money




Teacher: When do astronauts eat?
At launch time



What kind of food do math teachers eat?
Three square meals.




Teacher: Now class, the next question I ask, I want you to answer at once.
How much is 6 + 4?
Class: At once!



Teacher: If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
Student: None, they were all copycats!




Teacher: Are you good at math?
Student: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: Yes, I'm no good at math




Student: Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem
please?
Dad: Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy.




Teacher: What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
Student: Juve-niles



Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?
Student: Because it has four eyes and can't see!



Teacher: What are the Great Plains?
Student: The 747, Concorde and F-16 Fighter



Student: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!



Teacher: Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York harbor?
Student: Because it can't sit down!



Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Student: No, I'm having trouble listening!



Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.



Teacher: You skipped school yesterday to play football.
Student: No, and I have the fish to prove it!



Pupil: (On phone) My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!