OK Newlyweds, question: If you had to do it all again...

What would you do differently, if anything? Any regrets about how much $ you spent (we're paying for the entire cost of the wedding ourselves). Or, how much time you invested in planning? (my Ph.D. sister consistenly reminds me of the theory of 'opportunity cost' - which I'm all too familiar with!!) Hee Hee! :)

What I`m glad I did... and what I`d do different (long)

I`m glad I put the time into creating extra touches - menus, save the date letters, programs, gift bags. I put a lot of effort into doing them myself with an eye on keeping the cost down. I never would have spent the money to have someone else do them - I enjoyed doing them myself and loved the way they tied everything together. I`m glad I was fairly organized with to-do lists and checklists - everything ran smoothly. Do as many of the little things as possible way in advance. It will help you be more relaxed as the big day approaches - get the programs done, the menus done, the gifts for the attendants selected and wrapped, the music list and photo list done, etc. I`m glad I had B & W photos as part of my package. I`m glad we put an emphasis on having as many friends and family with us on that special day - we chose a Saturday afternoon and kept the per/plate cost down so we could invite more people. I`m glad I did my own hair and make-up. I just wanted my long hair loosely curled and after a few trials with people on both hair and make-up I decided to do it myself and was glad I did. Hubby loved how it looked and it saved a lot of time and money. What I`d do differently: I didn`t like the way our reception site set up the dais - Hubby really wanted a dais but they had a central table on a raised platform and two side tables with the attendants set way off to the side where we couldn`t talk to them. :( I would have been more specific on our photo list - especially photo locations. We missed some key shots like me with my MOH and BM`s anywhere other than the suite getting ready. The hotel lobby was beautiful and I should have had shots taken there instead of the dull room. Get your photographer to take ownership of making sure the shots on your list are checked off - enlist the help of others to corral the key players, but make the photographer be the list keeper. If you are aware of a terrific background at the church or reception site be sure to note that - point out the great window, garden, etc. because your photographer will not be as familiar with the site as you are. Have a video!!! We didn`t think we`d watch it enough to warrant the high cost, but now we`re sorry we don`t have it. The day went fast and we wish we could have the ceremony and events of the reception on video. Different gloves - I wasn`t crazy about the way my above-the-elbow gloves looked with my dress. I`d add an extra half hour between the reception and the ceremony. We had about an hour after the ceremony before the cocktail hour started. After the receiving line and photos at the church, we arrived at the reception site (only 4 miles away) just as the cocktail hour was starting. I wish we had a bit more time for photos - although I would not have made it too long, forcing the guests to wait around with nothing to do. I hope this helps!!!

Great advice Karen. I'll remember all of it. *NM*

Changes and Not (very long)

I wouldn't change much actually... I would have spent more time micro-managing my photographer instead of my band. I would have taken photos on the beach by our reception site. We had originally wanted to, but on the day we were so distracted, we never went down there. I would have taken more family pictures with people that are very dear to both of us, and those who traveled from far away to be there. I would have forced my photographer/videographer to stay until the end of the last song at our wedding. I would have asked more people for help, b/c we were planning from far away. I would have considered longer some of the people we chose to play parts in the ceremony (see my earlier posts on regretting one reader!) I would have told my guests they could take our centerpieces home! Things I am VERY happy we did... I am glad we paid attention to the details of our theme. I am glad that we took steps to personalize our wedding with stories of our relationship, since they proved to be a big HIT with our guests. Our wedding was original, and really showed our personalities. I am glad that I did not number my reception tables. I am glad that I trusted my instincts with all my vendors, and did not compromise the service or the price I wanted. I am glad I planned long distance b/c it saved me the trouble of second-guessing vendor choices AND helped me avoid the 'Long Island wedding factory syndrome!' I am glad I did my own make-up that day, and used a hair stylist who has been doing my hair for over 5 years. I looked stunning, but still looked like myself and my husband loved everything! I am glad I didn't spend a second obsessing about how I looked that day. After it was over, all I heard from my guests was that my husband and I just glowed with love and happiness all day! Remember - what's on the inside is all that counts! I am glad that my husband and I enjoyed our reception together. We danced together most of the night, and did not feel when it was over that we barely saw one another. I am glad that we chose only family members to be in the bridal party. I am glad that I didn't spend too much time on this board, feeling influenced by all the things that many brides obsess about. No one really needs a make-up artist to spend the day with them. It's unnecessary, and it takes time away from your interaction with your guests. You have a MOH to make sure you're picture-perfect! Mostly, I am glad the planning is OVER! :-)

Changes and Not (very long)

I have hardly any regrets about the wedding but the few I have are: I wish I had the photographer take a picture of all my husband`s nieces and nephews together. They really wanted a nice shot of all the kids dressed up but I forgot to tell him beforehand and I guess no one felt right about telling him themselves. I put candles on the mantle at the Milleridge which I purchased myself. I would have kept them all one color maybe different lengths but only one color. While people said they looked pretty, I thought they were sparse and too many colors (3) Believed the make up artist when she said she should come 1/2 hour earlier than she did. They were still finishing our hair & make up when the photographer showed up. The wedding started 25 minutes late, which I so didn`t want to happen. It didn`t affect anything but I didn`t want my husband, priest or guests to wait either. The things I am glad I did: All the extra touches that I did myself-chocolate bars, placecards with our baby pics on them, programs, parents and grandparents wedding pics on display on the placecard table. I really enjoyed playing around with designing the stuff making it truly unique. Our favors-CD`s-my hubby and I worked on them together and we really enjoyed the project. Made sure there was music I knew my mother wanted (big band) as well as some Irish music for my hubby`s family. And of course there was plenty of time for our stuff too. Had a daytime wedding-although at different times I was regretting it because you have to get ready so early and I wanted the day to last forever, in retrospect, my MIL has Alzheimers and gets kind of 'lost' in herself at night. She was more with it and she had more energy. Danced alot with my hubby (we were kissing so much in that video!) and got to share all the excitement together. There was plenty more time to greet all the guests and chat with people. Looked up as I walked down the aisle and took it all in, it was really great to see all the friends and family smiling, and the pics came out nice too. Remembered to enjoy the planning part of the wedding. The day goes so quick and even when it seems stressful, the planning all ends up getting done. And when things went wrong, I tried not to freak out, sometimes things work out for the best. The video is so worth having. I have watched mine about 20 times already and I love it and all the songs. We really had fun and when the video ends, I always end up hoping it will continue. Smiled a whole lot. It wasn`t hard to do. The posing for pics smiles are can get a bit tiring because they keep telling you turn you head slightly, chin up, fingers this way etc. but I just remembered what an awesome day it was (our wedding day!!!) and it was easier. Made a box for the cards, decorated as a gift (with a slot)-it was discreet, out of the way and so helpful in keeping all the cards safe and sound until we got home. Wore a dress that was a lighter fabric. I was able to use the bathroom myself without assistance and my bustle was never in danger of pulling the buttons loose because of the weight. And sleeveless was definitely the way to go, even in March. A wedding dress can get hot, especially if you like to dance and with all the excitement, I was just never cold at all. Made sure we had the money to pay for everything without going into debt. It's not worth it to have any expenses after the wedding. Anyone I have heard who did that ended up regretting it and even regretting spending the money in the first place. Didn`t let anyone rain on my parade. Weddings bring out some odd behaviors in people for some unknown reason. I had a few disappointments from friends and some issues with family but all in all, there were many, many more people that were wonderful and encouraging and supportive and gracious and kind. Those are the situations I chose to focus on. Good luck ladies. I wracked my brain and those are the only things I can think that I regret but I can still add a ton of things to my things I wouldn't change list. I wish you all the same enjoyment.

Changes and Not

What I'd do differently: Make sure I did provide a list to the photographer even if they say it's not necessary. I did miss a few shots... I wouldn't have worried so much about going for hair trials because the morning of the big day, I didn't 'love' my hair and had spent way too much money on trials... What I am very glad about: I totally did not 'manage' anything or stress myself when the day finally arrived. I let it all go and truly had a great day that I enjoyed. What's the point in all this planning if you can't even allow yourself to enjoy everything you've worked so hard for? HAVE FUN! Your guests will notice. Even if you don't like something or something is not perfect, don't worry about it. In the full bag of beans, it won't be that important when you look back. :)