Ok so I've been putting this post off.....LONG!

So its final....the wedding is being called off and I dropped off an application for an apartement for him yesterday.

I just can't bring myself to stay in this marriage anymore and our first wedding was so simple, just us, that I really wanted to create such wonderful memories at this one and I don't see that happening the way I always wanted....so I've decided to end it now.

I know that I deserve more and he isn't a bad man at all, he is just not the family type. My daughters aren't happy and I'm not happy and frankly I don't think he is either. I have definetly learned that no matter how much money you have, it cannot buy your happiness. I hear people saying how if they had his money they be so happy, but its wrong! All I have is money, not emotional support, not a loving atmosphere, not a shoulder to cry on, not a friend, it is horrible!

I don't wan to end up like my mother or my aunt who stayed in loveless marriages for too long and although my mom got out...my aunt has wasted 43 years never feeling loved. I can't see myself doing that without going completely insane! We tried couselling, granted only twice, but not that I expected a full 360 but I did expect a glimmer of hope, something. I got nothing until I told him it was over and he needed to go, but now its almost too little too late. He is being a completely different person now, but I can't believe that it is genuine since we have gone through this before and it doesn't last. I think that once he is out of the house, he'll realize that its the best thing for both of us! I just know that I can't live like this anymore.

I know that there is someone out there willing to treat me like the princess I am and not take me for granted and that I won't take for granted.

So as far as the wedding goes, I think that I am going to have a big old party...I mean why lose all this money, I only owe a few vendors a few dollars now and I can always just cut the packages to fit in what I already gave them! So I am looking to host a fundraiser so if anyone knows of a child who needs help please FM me!

We are trying to separate on as good of terms as possible. It is working ok for now but next week may be different and he can be back to his old self all over again...so wish me luck. I'll still be lurking around these boards because honestly, it keeps me sane!

Thank you everyone for everything! You have been wonderful during all of this and I couldn't get through it without LIW!