Ok so I've been putting this post off.....LONG!

So its final....the wedding is being called off and I dropped off an application for an apartement for him yesterday.

I just can't bring myself to stay in this marriage anymore and our first wedding was so simple, just us, that I really wanted to create such wonderful memories at this one and I don't see that happening the way I always wanted....so I've decided to end it now.

I know that I deserve more and he isn't a bad man at all, he is just not the family type. My daughters aren't happy and I'm not happy and frankly I don't think he is either. I have definetly learned that no matter how much money you have, it cannot buy your happiness. I hear people saying how if they had his money they be so happy, but its wrong! All I have is money, not emotional support, not a loving atmosphere, not a shoulder to cry on, not a friend, it is horrible!

I don't wan to end up like my mother or my aunt who stayed in loveless marriages for too long and although my mom got out...my aunt has wasted 43 years never feeling loved. I can't see myself doing that without going completely insane! We tried couselling, granted only twice, but not that I expected a full 360 but I did expect a glimmer of hope, something. I got nothing until I told him it was over and he needed to go, but now its almost too little too late. He is being a completely different person now, but I can't believe that it is genuine since we have gone through this before and it doesn't last. I think that once he is out of the house, he'll realize that its the best thing for both of us! I just know that I can't live like this anymore.

I know that there is someone out there willing to treat me like the princess I am and not take me for granted and that I won't take for granted.

So as far as the wedding goes, I think that I am going to have a big old party...I mean why lose all this money, I only owe a few vendors a few dollars now and I can always just cut the packages to fit in what I already gave them! So I am looking to host a fundraiser so if anyone knows of a child who needs help please FM me!

We are trying to separate on as good of terms as possible. It is working ok for now but next week may be different and he can be back to his old self all over again...so wish me luck. I'll still be lurking around these boards because honestly, it keeps me sane!

Thank you everyone for everything! You have been wonderful during all of this and I couldn't get through it without LIW!

I'm so sorry it had to come to this, but I'm happy for you that you realized that you don't deserve what your mom and aunt went through.. Good luck with everything, and thats so nice of you to use the hall for a special child!!!

I'm so sorry you are going through this!
But you know what is best for you and your daughters. You are absolutely right when you said you can't stay in a relationship if it doesn't make you happy. I'm sure things will work out for the best for you.
Good luck sweetie!!!!!!!!

Melissa,

I am so sorry to hear that your marriage is ending, but am happy that you are finally going to find happiness for you and your girls.

I applaud you , for going ahead with the party and turning it into a fundraiser. What an honorable thing to do. St. Jude's Childrens' Hospital is a good charity, or you can contact Schneider's Childrens Hospital at LIJ if you wish to help a specific child.

I wish you and your daughters a lifetime of happiness.

Hugs & Kisses
&
Susi

sorry to hear

I think it's a great idea, going ahead with the party, and turning it into a fundraising event. Best wishes!

I'm sorry, sweetie!! But you know in your heart what is best for you and your girls. And you do deserve to be happy-you really do!!

I wish you nothing but the best.

I am sorry you are going through this but as you said, you know what is best for you and your daughters.

As you said and know already, you deserve someone who will treat you like a princess and who cares about you and your girls and who want to share and spend time with you and your girls.

I think what you have decided to do (fundraiser) is so awesome and such a nice gesture.

Just remember that us girls will be here for you.

I am happy you are not going to be selling yourself short b/c you sound like a really nice girl and a good hearted person.

Good luck with everything in your future and things can only get better.

I am so sorry to hear this!


But ultimately, you have to do what is best for you and your family. You and your girls deserve the best and should settle for nothing less.

That is wonderful for you to hold a fundraiser for a child. Contact St. Jude's or Schneiders Children's Hospital at LIJ--both places would love to work with you.

I am so sorry to hear but if you are feeling like this then it is the best. What really stood out to me is that you said not even your daughter is happy and that comes first.

It is hard at first but you will be so much happier and YES you will find someone who will treat you like a princess and be in a loving, caring, equal relationship.

Before Fh i was in a relationship for 8 years with someone. Did he love me-Yes, but that didn't make the relationship work, it takes alot more than love to make it work. He had a macho type attitude and a woman has a role and he was the man. He was possessive, jealous and crazy lol. Yes he would do nice things too and be considerate but i dont want something to be done and then for months after act like a jerk then then to make up for it do something nice again and vice versa. We fought all the time, and when ppl would ask about me marrying him, all i kept thinking is oh no im not ready and when i would sit there trying to picture a life with him all that came to my mind was being miserable and fighting all the time.

It is hard leaving bc you are leaving a life that has been all planned out and entering a world full of surprises and not knowing what is in store for you in the future. You ask yourself questions like, will i find someone else to love me? am i giving up on the one?(which if he was you wouldnt feel the way you do but sometimes we dont think straight), am i gonna regret this? am i gonna miss him?, these are all things that keep many people in relationships even though honestly they shouldn't be in it.

I can relate to what you said about not wanting to end up like your mother and aunt. Many women follow those examples bc its all they grew up knowning so it almost becomes normal. And for a while I fell into that too, i never thought it was normal but its just the example of love you grew up with and if it was good for your mom why is it not good for you. You dont even find certain guys on purpose but we accept things others wouldn't. My dad was a great dad but not the greatest husband, and i said i don't want that. I don't want a man to think he is above me, i want an equal partner and to have a great friendship and put me up on a pedestal.

after I broke up with my ex i was single and met other jerks. I had a great time but also had my bad days where i was tired of the single life lol. But I learned so much about myself, really cleared my head to figure out what i want, what not to deal with anymore in relationships and more a sense of myself. I then met FH, and bc i had learned from past mistakes i handled the relationship differently. I was finally in a relationship where he did whatever he could to make me happy, we have this amazing friendship and get along most of the time, he is not hung up on dominating his woman or anything like that. He did and said all these things and couldn't believe I found someone like him. I never thought i'd find anything close to this.

You will find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You should be proud of yourself that you are taking a stand and not just accepting whatever life has thrown at you but taking it in your own hands to change things and to be happy.

Wish you the best of luck

a quick post to wish you all the peace and happiness in the world!!!

I am so sorry that you are going through this!!

As long as you are doing what is best for you and your daughters that is all that matters!! You guys deserve to be happy!!

You are doing an amazing things by having a fundraiser. Keep us informed, it may be a good idea to have a LIW get together at the fundraiser!!!! This could be a get together for all brides past and present!!!

I think you are a Very strong ... you and your girls come first & you realized that.. You will find the right person I promise you.. The right man will love you & your girls & treat you like a queen...


I wish you the best of luck !!!!!!

You are a strong woman for doing this...it will be hard, but I think you made the best decision. Hang in there!

Well you have a support group here at LIW. Someone is always on here for you. Good Luck with your future.
I commend you for the strength it took to make your decision. It is hard to leave any relationship never mind a relationship and a wedding. Stay focused and true to yourself. You need what is best for you and your daughters. And money is not the answer.
You should be proud of yourself. And the idea of doing a charity is a clear picture that you are a giving person. You deserve to have someone give it back to you.

Best of Luck to you and your family!

I am so proud of you!!! This step has taken so much courage and strength!!!

You have to know the right type of example you are setting for the girls right now!!!! They will not repeat the same mistake your mother & aunt did!!! They will learn from this and be the strong women you want them to be & for that you need to be congratulated!!!!

We are here for you - in the most simple & more complicated ways you need. Please do not fall out of touch - we worry about you!!!!

I am so sorry that you are going through this! I will keep you and your daughters in my prayers. Im SURE you will find the man of your dreams. Take this time though to love yourself and heal from this relationship....if you ever need a shoulder, we are here for you!

You have FM.

I think you should be proud of yourself!

p.s. I nominate an Autism fundraiser , in honor of my six year old nephew!