I wasn't going to post this because, well, I didn't really want to think about it but its no use. I am so upset I don't think I can ignore it anymore.
Long Story Short- 66% of my bridal party is totally useless.
Not only did I find out that my MOH did NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING for my shower (didn't pay for anything, didn't send out the invites, didn't look for a place to have it, didn't buy decorations, I mean nothing). She actually had the nerve to show up 10 minuets before me, and be the first one to leave- a 1/2 hour before it was even over!
But, are you ready for this? The kicker is, she showed up without a gift! She told me that she chipped in with her mother and two sisters (who were also at the shower) and the gift was ordered but hadn't arrived yet! First of all, she is the maid of honor and should not be chipping in with anyone else on a gift for me, and second of all, she had months and months to get me a gift. Can you believe the nerve? Plus, everything that was bought of my registry I received already so unless its something completely different, it looks as if she's lying all together.
Her sister is also one of my bridesmaids (one of the ones who she supposedly chipped in with for a gift) So she also came empty-handed.
My other bridesmaid (who did all of the work for the shower with my mom and aunt) overheard my MOH saying 'Can you believe this? Her my shower cost more than my wedding'. Which by the way is obviously not true (although she did have a cheap wedding). A few guests told me that they overheard the mother of the two sisters saying 'come on already, let's go, I don't want to be here anymore'. I am very hurt by this and am tempted to ask them not to be in the wedding. They have done nothing to help me, nor do they even seem to care very much. They also asked if they can stay in my hotel room with me the night before the wedding so they don't have to spend the money on rooms of their own. At first I said yes, but now, I don't want them even walking down the aisle. What should I do? My wedding is in 2.5 months! FH says leave it alone and end your friendship with them after the wedding. But that's not my style. Help!
Dawn18Dominick
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Tara, I am so sorry to hear this. Do you have any cousins or friends you could replace them with. The way I see it, this is a special day for you and you should have people around you who support you. I would deffinatly confront them and say 'are you sure you want to even be in my wedding' I would at least talk to them and then see where it leaves you. I agree with the above post, do you really want to look at your pictures and see people that treated you that way. Whatever you choose do it to make 'YOUR' day better! Hugs to you
JENHOS
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
I feel your pain. About a month ago my 'best friend' and MOH freaked out on me and is no longer in the wedding or my friend. I was very upset. It is a long story but I think what it came down to was that she always had a boyfriend and I didn't or when I did it was disfuntional for the most part. Now she is single and I am marrying a WONDERFUL guy. So there I was 4 months before the wedding with no MOH and a dress that was 1/2 paid for. I asked another person in the Wedding party to be the MOH and she was thrilled. We were baptized together so there is a lot of history with her. I couldn't be happier. You don't need people like that in your life. I would deal with it now. No need to have people who aren't happy for you at your wedding. If you can't get anyone else to wear the dresses than they should pay for them or chalk it up to a lesson learned and have a great wediding!
lilmrs
Posted:
Member since
x
x
debbus
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Just my two cents about having an uneven amount of men to women, Have the men at the altar with your FH. When they leave the church the girls can walk out with more than one guy! I feel for your situation. I wouldn't want pictures of my wonderful day with people with such bad Karma! If you start to talk about it with them I'm sure you will either find out something you didn't know or be able to end it then and there. Don't wait, you'll be stressed about this for the next 2 1/2 months!! You could be putting that energy somplace else! Good Luck!
taraalissa
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Actually, one of my BM's did get married in Vegas (they came back the day before my shower). They had no problem telling me how much they gambled The BM and her sister the MOH gambled over $500 each in the 2 days they were there. When I said about chipping in on a gift was wrong I meant that its okay for her the BM to chip on a gift that hasn't arrived, but if the MOH was going to chip in on a gift, she should have made sure it was there. Everyone was like- what did your MOH get you and what did your other BM get you? It was emabarrasing to have to say it didn't arrive yet, and by the way, while neither one of them is loaded, neither one is 'strapped for cash'. It just comes down the the fact that they don't care enough. Aside from the present thing, why weren't they willing to do anything for my shower? My aunt says they made it clear from the beginning that they weren't going to do anything. After a while everyone just stopped asking them. Mind you, the BM is on her second marriage (i was at the first wedding), and she has a son (I give him a present every year on his b-day). My MOH got married last August and I gave her a very expensive shower gift, and a nice wedding present, and drove upstate for the wedding, paid for a hotel for two nights, etc.
Fran M
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
I am sorry you have been so hurt by these girls. It definately sounds like there is a lot of jelously here that can make people do funny things. That comment about the cost of your shower is very telling. As for the gift, they may be in a financial bind right now. You really just dont know about anyone elses financial situation.
One of my Bridesmaids is very anti-shower. Any shower and she didnt do a thing for mine other than show up. But what are you going to do. Bottom line - you have 2.5 months. Maybe you could try and take a step back and look at your history with these girls. You have them in your wedding party so there must be a strong friendship. Is their presence going to be a positive or a neegative on your wedding day.
Jeanene
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
I really do not have any sage advice - but I wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your about your expeience with you BM's. It really hurts when people we believe are friends act more like enemies. Hang in there!
KGB
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Know what, issues are like tissues, you pull one and there's another one right behind it. Confront this woman and ask her if she still wants to be involved, since you heard she's not happy to participate even in non $$ things. You may just be giving her the out she's looking for. (and good riddance!)
Samanthas Mom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
HOW long have you been friends w/ them?? Do u think they will make it up in your wedding gift?
JennK
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
I would say that you need to talk to them, you are obviously very hurt over this (completely understandable). That hurt is not going to go away, but will get worse. I had a similar situation with my MOH, I didnt want to cause any problems before the wedding, but I couldnt just act normal towards her without saying my feelings. I decided to talk to her and was ready to throw her out of the wedding if need be. So I told her exactly how I felt, we talked, we yelled, and we got it out in the open. In the end she apologized for some stuff. In any case, I am sooo glad I talked to her, first off it saved my friendship and I felt so much better. Please let us know what happens, I hope that you are able to work it out.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
I base this on what she SAID, and her ACTIONSonly, not the gift situation. My honest opinion is NOT to wait until after your wedding. Why should you have a MOH in your wedding ceremony and photos who doesn't even want to be with you during your shower. Remove this jealous, selfish girl from your life and ask a real friend to be your MOH. When I am standing at the altar I want to know the person next to me is truly my best friend, not someone who I thought cared about me. I would feel that the moment was tainted by her. I agree with KGB about the fact that her finacial situation may have forced her and her family to chip in for a gift. And the price of the gift shouldn't matter BUT it should have been ordered in time for your shower or they should have given you a photo or computer page about the gift. Call her, tell her what you heard and ask her what is going on. From the sound of the 'this cost more than my wedding' comment I say she is one jealous girl who is not happy for you, but upset that her wedding/shower etc...was not the same as yours.
taraalissa
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
To answer a previous question, I know both of them for 14 years! We met when we were 11. And, I didn't even think about what you said Michele, that they at least could've given a computer pic or something (anther guest did this and their present arrived 2 days after my shower in the mail). These two (and their mother and sister) didn't even give me a card! Also, my shower was last Saturday- almost a week ago, and there has been no sign of this 'present'. Once again, I don't want to come off as selfish and 'wanting presents' but I mean really, not even a card?
jennbaby
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
some people have some nerve! and yes i'd also say they are completely jealous & not real friends. real friends are happy for you. leave them in your bridal party & end the friendship afterwards. i would. i am sorry you feel bad, i'd be hurt also, but know you know who your friends are! I recently 'unasked' a bridesmaid who I no longer feel close with, if you feel better unasking & can replace them do so!
avesur
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Tara, Sorry to hear that you are going through this ... have you decided what you are going to do? I do think that you should confront these people and make clear how you feel ... imagine, if they spoiled your shower, and have not been of any help, what if they spoile your wedding day too? By this I mean, like not smiling in the pictures, been mean to you, and if they are gossiping now about your shower gifts, etc, they will have something to say about your wedding day. I am very confrontational, and if there is something that I truly enjoy when I am hurt is saying 'no' and 'enough' ... if you don't speak out your feelings, you will grow bitter about it, and you may react when you least expect it. So better try to talk to this people, if they end up out of your wedding party, I am sure you can find someone willing to help you out with that.
Good luck!
Elena
Becky
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Tara, what a difficult situation. I am sorry to hear that your bridal party is giving you such grief I think you should definitely speak with your MOH and other BM. Hopefully they just don't realize that they hurt you and you all work things out. If not, I would consider how you will feel ten years from now when you are looking through your album. The stress that asking them to step down might cause may be worth it in the long run, if you think this is/or will become a friendship ending situation.
I really hope that everything works out, Tara. Please keep us posted.
avesur
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Tara did you happily fix this issue? I hope so!
good luck,
E
dgtlsunshine
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Let me start by giving you a big hug
Thats a hard one. I feel so bad for you. I had a few let downs in my wedding plan as well. It hurts because we think hard about picking these people and then some of them act like they don't care. Don't concentrate on the negative. The people that really support you concentrate on them. Also don't worry about keeping the bridal party even ours was uneven and people didn't even notice.
taraalissa
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
I haven't received a phone call from either of them regarding the 'present' or anything else for that matter. So, needless to say, I have not recieved a present from them as of yet. I do not know what I will do yet. FH wants me to wait a few more days before calling them and starting a big fight. He says if I get the present after the call, I will feel stupid. I explained its not even about the present anymore and he understands that but has asked me to wait before doing anything that will be 'final'.
avesur
Posted:
Member since
Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!
Dear Tara:
Even if you receive the present, you should try to talk to them about their negative attitude towards your wedding ... it is true, it can end in a big fight, but if you try to approach it as peaceful conversation, may be it will have nice results. You don't need to bring out the gift issue, because it is that what actually hurts the least, isn't it? But the fact that they made very jealous and nasty comments about you, your shower, and your registry. Anyway, good luck with what you decide, either or, it will be good: if you get a sincere conversation with them and your friendship survives: great!!! you have had great friends all this time ... but if not, don't fell bad about it, life moves on and sometimes we need to leave peple behind.
