Okay, this one takes the cake!

I wasn't going to post this because, well, I didn't really want to think about it but its no use. I am so upset I don't think I can ignore it anymore.

Long Story Short- 66% of my bridal party is totally useless.

Not only did I find out that my MOH did NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING for my shower (didn't pay for anything, didn't send out the invites, didn't look for a place to have it, didn't buy decorations, I mean nothing). She actually had the nerve to show up 10 minuets before me, and be the first one to leave- a 1/2 hour before it was even over!

But, are you ready for this? The kicker is, she showed up without a gift! She told me that she chipped in with her mother and two sisters (who were also at the shower) and the gift was ordered but hadn't arrived yet! First of all, she is the maid of honor and should not be chipping in with anyone else on a gift for me, and second of all, she had months and months to get me a gift. Can you believe the nerve? Plus, everything that was bought of my registry I received already so unless its something completely different, it looks as if she's lying all together.

Her sister is also one of my bridesmaids (one of the ones who she supposedly chipped in with for a gift) So she also came empty-handed.

My other bridesmaid (who did all of the work for the shower with my mom and aunt) overheard my MOH saying 'Can you believe this? Her my shower cost more than my wedding'. Which by the way is obviously not true (although she did have a cheap wedding). A few guests told me that they overheard the mother of the two sisters saying 'come on already, let's go, I don't want to be here anymore'. I am very hurt by this and am tempted to ask them not to be in the wedding. They have done nothing to help me, nor do they even seem to care very much. They also asked if they can stay in my hotel room with me the night before the wedding so they don't have to spend the money on rooms of their own. At first I said yes, but now, I don't want them even walking down the aisle. What should I do? My wedding is in 2.5 months! FH says leave it alone and end your friendship with them after the wedding. But that's not my style. Help!

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Terrible! I have no advice for you but I just want to say Im sorry. You should not have to deal with this crap.

About the gift issues - maybe they chipped in on somethign really really great or expensive. Wait til you get it and see.

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Highly unlikey about the expensive gift since (and I forgot to mention this) When someone said to me at the end of the shower that I got such beautiful gifts, my BM said 'yeah well everything she registered for was so expensive' which by the way is not true. So it is not likely that the are getting me something expensive, since they she considered stuff on my reg to be expensive and didn't buy any of that stuff.

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve this. It is a shame that some people don't put their hearts into things.

Your MOH and all your bridesmaids should help with all things related to your wedding and I'm so sorry that they are not doing their share of the work.

This is totally up to you. If it were me, I would probably continue with things and end the friendship after the wedding. I'm assuming all the dresses are in, flowers ordered, etc.

This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and all I can say is, try to keep you chin up, thing of the positives and stay strong!

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

I think we have a major case of jealousy here. I don't understand why some people turn like this when it's your wedding. I think you should talk to them and see what they have to say before deciding to kick them out of your wedding. But if you leave things alone and end your friendship after the wedding, if that's the path it takes, then all your pictures will have these awful people in it. I think you should talk to them first. Good luck!

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Chin up, girl!! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hate to shell out advice because I do not you you or the BM's in question, however, if it were me (and yes, I had a similar situation revolving aorund my shower), I would keep them in the bridal party, and bear with it. You are so close, you do not need this stress.

My friends gave my sister, the MOH, so much grief about my shower because my sis planned it to have it at a restaurant. My friends complained and said it was too much money and having a sit down luncheon would 'out-do' the wedding. They told my sister she doesn't have to try and inpress my in-laws (which she wasn't doing anyway). When my sister told me they were saying htese things, it hurt. But I kept my mouth shut, and had a wonderful day. It's all in the past now and I have excellent memories from my joyous wedding!!

Let us know how things turn out. I just wanted to reiterate that you are not alone in this!!

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Is there really anything to talk about? I mean, I can't force them to care about my wedding can I? And if they are jealous, can I make them stop being jealous?

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Tara, I am an honest person and I would not want anyone standing next to me who did not love me and want what was best for me. I would handle it immediately, but that's me. You have to do what you feel is best. I don't think you will be able with good conscience to carry on a friendship with them knowing this is how they feel about you.

All the best sweetie

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Taraalissa,

I think most of us have that problem, some are lucky to have great people, some of us not. I'm with you, I have a Maid of Honor & a Matron on Honor who are pretty useless. My MIL paid for my shower, I'll give them this much, they pitched in for a nice gift and they paid for my bachorette party but once I was on it they didn't put much effort into making sure I was having a good time! I took my Matron of Honor to Miami for hers, spent over a Grand on that trip & made sure I made her feel special, you would think she would do the same for me? NOPE!!! It's not even a money issue, it's the effort and the 'love' you put into something. I pretty much did everything myself for my wedding, my own favors, centerpieces, found my dress, etc... by MYSELF!!! (actually my MIL helped me out a LOT). Now I'm supposed to buy them a gift as a 'thank you' AND take them out to eat, AND pay for them to get manicure & pedicures done?! talk about ungreatful!!! ANyways....I feel your pain babe! I thought being a friend meant being there for you no matter what?! BTW... my maid of honor also showed up 10 minutes right before I did for my shower & she also left early, maybe they are related?!

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

I'm sorry to hear about this. You must feel so hurt. It is so hard to offer advice. If it was me, I probably would leave them in my bridal party at this point Regardless of what you choose, you will have a beautiful wedding and wonderful memories!

Maybe things will turn themselves around somehow-given time or if you talk about it. I had some probablems with my MOH when I first got engaged. There was a point that I thought she would ask to leave my bridal party and our 12 year friendship would be over. After not talking to me for over a month, things changed. We cooled off, considered each other a more, and took a new approach in our friendship. Now I think we are closer than before.

Just remember all the wonderful things you have in your life! I wish you all the best!

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Here's how I see it -- take it for what it's worth..

You can either ignore what you heard & feel and make nice -- or confront them, tell them how hurt & offended you are & ask them to please excuse themselves from your wedding.

I realize that neither of these solutions are easy.

Personally, for me, I have no problem telling someone to F**K -off if I need to, so that's probably the route I'd choose. Also, I have a certain perpective after my sister's wedding about 8 years ago. My brother-in-law picked a BM who he never spoke to again afterwords -- they just totally grew apart. Whenever they go through their albums or videotapes - that always makes me sad (it even takes them a few minutes to remember his name). Plus, my perspective is that -- the BM who killed herself putting together your shower deserves better than to be treated as less important than the MOH who did nothing.

You're totally right to be upset (I know I'd be PISSED!). Follow your gut. If the thoiugh of a confrontation makes you want to puke -- them just say forget it. If the though of seeing their faces again makes you want to puke -- confront them.

If both options make you want to puke -- then go out drinking with the MOH in question -- and let your feelings 'slip out' after a drunken' binge!

I'm sorry you're going through this -- Good luck..

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

I have no problem with confrontation (FH would tell you that!) I do however not believe I could deal with the stess (not a cop out- mearly the truth)! Plus (and I know this sounds shallow)- I have 3 men walking down the aisle. How could I only have one woman? I know, it shouldn't be important, but it seems like it is.

The thing that upsets me is that I would never nor have I ever treated anyone the way I am being treated. It really hurts.

P.S. I will not be buying gifts for either one of them. I will take the money I would have spent on all three of them and buy something really great for the one BM that did all the work.

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

One thing to remember- when it's all over and all you have is picture you'll be seeing these people that you don't like. Why have them part of your day if you're gonna dump them after? I don't mean that in a mean way at all. But someone told me that and that's why I haven't picked out my bridal party yet. We still have 18 mths to go. There's some people who I wanted in the beginning but I haven't heard from them in months.
Go with your first instinct- it's usually right.

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

You've gotta do what's right for you. Although in theory -- telling off someone's who's wrong you sounds great in theory --> the reality of telling two-thirds of your BP to stay home is very rough.

If the stress would be too much -- then just say screw it and move on. Your FI's right -- you can always end the friendship after the wedding if you want.

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

I would defintely talk to them. At my shower, my MOH got in a mood and starting pouting when I was opening my gifts. She has major issues (long story). Everyone in my family noticed her behavior too.

After the shower, I talked to her and told her that her attitude was noticed. She apolgoized to me for acting that way and we have been fine ever since.

You can get your point across in a nice way and hopefully they will see things your way.

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Taralisa, can you find 2 other girls with good relations to be the bridemaids?

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

I personally hate to hear stories like this, this is supposed to be a memorable time for everyone involved. It sounds like you and your bridal party are somehow misunderstanding each other. Are you sure they didn't take something you said or did the wrong way and now your both angry at each other?

x

x

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

Isn;t one of your bridesmaids getting married in Vegas? Can that have something to do with this?

Re: Okay, this one takes the cake!

I'll throw a wrench in all the responses. Not doing it to be argumentative, but you asked for advice.

You don't know what type of financial situation other people are in. She may need to chip in because she can't afford to buy a gift on her own. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Obviously you know your friends best, but is she asked to stay in your hotel room becasue of $$, then she's obviously strapped for cash.

I didn't have bridesmaids at my wedding, and the reason was that I thought it would be a huge expense that some of my friends were not able to do or didn't have the time to dedicate to it.

My cousin was a BM for her friend and was not able to do the bachelorette thing. She couldn't afford what the bride wanted to do. It was either cater to the bride or pay her rent. Easy choice.

You asked this person to be your MOH, you must be good freinds. Talk to her, ask her if this is a financial burden before you tell her to Fu** off. Whats the point in getting into a fight w/ someone if they're in a really awful and uncomfortable situation. Being poor or financial strapped can make even the best people bitter.