On Strike... (long vent)

As of this past Sunday evening I have declared a strike against all wedding planning (not including this website of course).
The reason for this drastic and ridiculous decision is because of my FH. He has done nothing. Nothing for this wedding. Now, I don't expect him to become the next extraordinary wedding planner but acknowledging any wedding details would be nice. No, I should not say that. There is one wedding detail he is always interested in and that is our budget. He makes negative comments about everything I show him, every idea I come up with. Now matter how much it may cost. I have kept cost way done.
As insulting and upsetting as that is I could swallow that a bit better if it wasn't for the fact that HE wanted this big wedding, not me!! I wanted to elope. Do something small. Not invite 260 of our closest friends and family. He talked me into this wedding and has now fought me every step of the way. I have tried to discuss this with him a bunch of times, I have explained how it makes me feel, I try not to bore him with little details, get him involved and making decisions in things he had shown some interest in. Nothing works. He promised to pick our officiant (he wanted a family friend to marry us) never handled it. He promised to work on the honeymoon. Nothing. His big contribution is that he held the gun when we registered. Bravo.
So, Sunday night I lost my mind. I gave him both wedding binders, a list of phone number and a timeline. Maybe this will give him an idea of how much time and energy actually goes into planning a wedding. He has apologized and said he will help me but I don't think he really means that. He has made promises about the wedding before. I don't know what else to do. I am just so upset. This is not the way I want things to be but I can't take anymore of his behavior. It has been a constant uphill battle. I knew planning this wedding would have it's moments but I never imagined I would be this upset and feel this alone doing it. I don't know where to go from here.

MEN what is wrong with him!? I'm so sorry he's driving you crazy! Maybe your little breakdown will be a news flash for him once he sees how much really goes into this!

Sometimes I want to strangle my FH too. Even though he's been helpful he's always worrying about the money and it's a total wedding buzz kill. It drives me nuts when he pops my bubble with his negativity! But money is an understandable worry.

Don't fear sweetie! It will all work out, He will come to his senses and realize how hard you worked! Then he'd better get his ars moving!!

My wedding is in 19 days and my FI has not done one thing for the wedding. I booked everything, made every decision, booked the honeymoon, booked the limos, even had to take him to look at tuxes.
Guy are just not into it. I used to tell my FI everything from how much everything cost and it would upset him. I stopped telling him anything about the wedding and costs.

my goodness! he doesn't help at all and then has the nerve to complain about the cost!? you're doing the right thing. you've tried to talk, it hasn't gotten you anywhere. stand your ground and lets see what kinda wedding he can come up with. i'm sooooooo sorry you're going through this!!!!!!!

mine is the same way!! like u, i would have been happy eloping, but no him and his mom wanted a big wedding and are paying for most of it so i said fine. i agree we do most (all) of the work for something they want and its not fair.
i think what ur doin will make fh realize ur not effing around and hopefully he will start helping. i would tell him the strike ends when he ACTUALLY does help out. ex- show u hm ideas he researched, contact the officiant, etc.

sorry you are going through this. prayers and a lttile hug to go with the sadness and happyness of planning a wedding.

My FH wanted to us to elope but i refused, i alaways wantedt o get married at church. When we first got engaged he told me to handle all the details of the wedding, because he alaways wanted the wedding to be small, (it not) 360 degree turn around ,he helps me with things and he never says no.


you guys should talk about it the problem of him not participating in the wedding planning, becase it his wedding also, and it yours too, and he also needs to put his two sense in too.

I feel for you.
Did a post this morning (my FH is driving me crazy.....)
He's not that young, and wants me to hold his hand for everything. I'm not his mother ! This is OUR wedding, yet I have to do everything......

Absolutely love the strike idea, especially since my guest list is a paltry 38 (v small family), and his is 156.

I know that you mentioned trying to stay on a budget but have you considered looking into a coordinator to make your load easier? My FH and I are on a budget as well, but he is extremely helpful . . . I told him that I am very grateful that he is because if he wasn't I would have to hire a coordinator. Planning a wedding is just too much for one person to do alone. Try that. Tell him if he doesn't get more involved you may have to hire one because you can't do it by yourself. What about the ladies in your BP how involved are they? Start getting them to step up their duties and responsibilities.

I'm so sorry. I think you going 'on strike' was a good idea, bc now he may have some small idea of what youre trying to handle alone. I mean the only other thing I can think of doing is trying to reapproach the conversation from the angle of WHAT your planning- explaining what this day means for you two and the rest of your lives together, and how it really hurts that he isnt participating in any of the planning for such an incredibly special day for the both of you. I definitely understand if a man doesnt want to be all into details, BUT taking interest in something.....handling some part that he is more into, I dont think its too much to ask!! Best wishes for you too. Keep us updated!

You know you always have our help!

Good for you!

I know exactly how you feel and I did the absolute same thing a few weeks ago. FH was aghast and then felt bad for me and changed his ways.

I know it's a lot of work, but hopefully this will wisen him up.

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Posted by 2Be1

I know that you mentioned trying to stay on a budget but have you considered looking into a coordinator to make your load easier? My FH and I are on a budget as well, but he is extremely helpful . . . I told him that I am very grateful that he is because if he wasn't I would have to hire a coordinator. Planning a wedding is just too much for one person to do alone. Try that. Tell him if he doesn't get more involved you may have to hire one because you can't do it by yourself. What about the ladies in your BP how involved are they? Start getting them to step up their duties and responsibilities.

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I thought about getting a coordinator but I know FH's head would explode if I wanted to pay someone to help us plan the wedding. I think he thinks weddings should be free.
My bridal party is really no help. Just taking my MOH (my sister) dress shopping was a nightmare. She wants to pick the dress and color. Our mothers are no help either since they both eloped. It's basically if I don't do it no one will.
Our families are thrilled that we are getting married but I have no support during the planning for any of them. No one calls to see how things are going, to ask if I need help.
Thank you ladies for your support. I am just so disappointed and hurt by him. This is really not in his personality. I did not expect him to be so hurtful. It's a shame I really had looked forward to planning this together. Especially after we spent the last year apart with him in Iraq. I feel like we are still apart.

First off!


Then:




GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I went throught the same thing a few months ago with FH. I was working 70-90 hours a week, on call 24 hours a day. I was being called into work sometimes after working a 16 hour day just 2 hours after I had gotten off from work and I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!!

I was tired of wedding planning ALONE!!! And then being criticized for the decisions I made. So I did what you did, and I gave FH a list of stuff he had to get done by a certain date.

Then I told him if the items on the list aren't done by such and such a date the big formal wedding is OFF and I QUIT!!! We ELOPE and have a nice honeymoon because I was done with being tired and doing all the planning myself. I gave him 2 weeks to book limos, book the honeymoon, pick tuxes, get groomsmen measurements, a nd he had to OK a bunch of stuff I had emailed that I needed to order for the wedding.

I left him alone, didn't mention a thing to him about it and he didn't talk about it either. ON the day of the deadline I was certaint that her hadn't done a thing he surprised me with every item checked off the list and a big appologie and appreciation for all my hard work.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE!!!

Wow, I hear ya on that one though. It's tough, they only worry about the money and nothing else. I have my issues as well, but so far we've done pretty well.

He'll brainstorm, but it usally falls into my lap to get things done. It's frustrating at times, but at least I know my day will be the way I wanted it.

Keep your chin up and maybe he'll come around.

o man..it sounds like we're marrying the same guy
My FH is like that aswell...no matter WHAT it is, all he is interested in is price, and sometimes it makes me feel like I am being selfish or something by wanting to spend 'soooo much money' on things... the thing is that he is just clueless about how much anythign to do with weddings costs! He originally thought we'd find a photographer for under $1000 yea right...maybe for like an 2 hrs of shooting just formals.

Anyway... sometimes guys are just way too pragmatic or something to see past the cost of things. But you are definitely not alone!

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Posted by FullersBride

First off!


Then:




GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I went throught the same thing a few months ago with FH. I was working 70-90 hours a week, on call 24 hours a day. I was being called into work sometimes after working a 16 hour day just 2 hours after I had gotten off from work and I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!!

I was tired of wedding planning ALONE!!! And then being criticized for the decisions I made. So I did what you did, and I gave FH a list of stuff he had to get done by a certain date.

Then I told him if the items on the list aren't done by such and such a date the big formal wedding is OFF and I QUIT!!! We ELOPE and have a nice honeymoon because I was done with being tired and doing all the planning myself. I gave him 2 weeks to book limos, book the honeymoon, pick tuxes, get groomsmen measurements, a nd he had to OK a bunch of stuff I had emailed that I needed to order for the wedding.

I left him alone, didn't mention a thing to him about it and he didn't talk about it either. ON the day of the deadline I was certaint that her hadn't done a thing he surprised me with every item checked off the list and a big appologie and appreciation for all my hard work.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE!!!

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AWESOME story!!!!!!!!

And to the original poster, good for you! Stick with your strike!!

OK maybe it's just me but I am looking at this nother way, a real life situation. I hope that I am wrong and he comes to his senses and helps, but if this is what he is like with planning the wedding he wanted, is this what life will be like? Bus a big house and then complains about the bills. Asking him to get stuff done like chores, kids homework and they never get done because he assumes you will do it.

The only reason I ask is because I told FH when we started dating that I would not be doing everything alone. I work too, so he will be sharing all household and child duties. Sorry to be a downer, but it was just my take on the story. JMHO

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Posted by diva7531

OK maybe it's just me but I am looking at this nother way, a real life situation. I hope that I am wrong and he comes to his senses and helps, but if this is what he is like with planning the wedding he wanted, is this what life will be like? Bus a big house and then complains about the bills. Asking him to get stuff done like chores, kids homework and they never get done because he assumes you will do it.

The only reason I ask is because I told FH when we started dating that I would not be doing everything alone. I work too, so he will be sharing all household and child duties. Sorry to be a downer, but it was just my take on the story. JMHO

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See, that is why I am so taken back by his behavior because this is really not like him. I wonder if part of it is he never really understood how much the wedding would cost (even though we agreed on a budget and have stuck to it). He has only been to one wedding in his entire life and I wonder if he just doesn't get what it entails (even though I have tried to explain).
I don't know. He is usually very responsible and mature. This wedding has brought out the worst in him.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Good for you for going on strike. Why we have to get to that point is beyond me but whatever it takes!

Don't back down. HE WANTED THIS!! That's what really gets me. You are doing this FOR HIM! If he is not going to make a serious effort I say call it off and elope. If YOU don't want this it is NOT worth all the effort. The stress, especially as you get down to the wire is unreal. I didn't know which way was up. We don't talk about it much on here but getting married is a serious step. Getting married is a HUGE step. Getting married means - well, at least for me, changing my name and basically becoming someone new. I'm a wife now. I have a new job. I have a new goal. I have new EVERYTHING. Add that stress onto the wedding day stress and bursting seems like the only available option.

Best of luck to you!