OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

Corduroy94 Posted: Mar 25, 2005 08:40 AM

OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

HELP Ok so up until this morning I was pretty sure about this & now my head is spinning! I have one OOT BM, my FSIL, and 3 local BMs. Since FSIL is from the midwest & has to fly she is only coming to the wedding & not the shower - which is totally fine given the additional cost.

Should she also be chipping in for the shower in NY like the other BMs?

Two people at work who have been in a number of OOT weddings (ie. NY to CA or NY to IL) said they were never expected to chip in if they weren't going to the shower. The NY BMs feel very stongly that she should contribute equally & they shouldn't have to pay her share because she doesn't live in NY.

The OOT BM is on a tight budget but so are ALL the other BM & she just like the rest has had 2 years to save. I don't want to start drama with my new in laws and I also don't want to be unfair to my NY BMs - especially since they have been through ALL of the planning & support stuff since they are local.

My mom is paying for the majority (75%) of the showers cost - food, drinks etc.) and there is only going to be a NY shower - nothing out in the midwest. Am I wrong for thinking she should be contributing equally?

TIA girls!

sophie78 Posted: Mar 25, 2005 08:52 AM

Re: OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

I voted for other....

Don't get involved. Let them work it out.

littlewilson Posted: Mar 25, 2005 09:10 AM

Re: OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

Every shower is handled differently. There's no 'rule' saying who should pay, that BMs have to chip in, that they have to chip in equally, etc. I agree that they should work i out amongst themselves - sorry they haven't already! With your mom paying for 75% of the shower already, I would hope that someone could take care of the OOTer's share if she really is uncomfortable with chipping in for whatever reason.

dpli Posted: Mar 25, 2005 09:23 AM

Re: OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

Posted by am470

I voted for other....

Don't get involved. Let them work it out.

I agree

suebride Posted: Mar 25, 2005 09:37 AM

Re: OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

i agree --do not get involved...

my mom is paying for my entire shower but i recently learned from FH that FSIL was complaining about the amount of money that was asked to put in for my gift from my BM's - they are getting a group gift...(oh - not an outrageous amt by the way)

anyway, i told my mother and she was really pissed that i knew anything about this --the shower is supposed to be a surprise for me...she told me to stay out of it and she would pay for FSIL's share if it is a big deal...

there are so many other things to stress about --let them work it out amongst themselves...

lillian771 Posted: Mar 25, 2005 09:40 AM

Re: OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

Posted by am470

I voted for other....

Don't get involved. Let them work it out.

I agree 100%. This shouldn't be your problem.

TEDNJENN Posted: Mar 25, 2005 09:57 AM

Re: OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

I was in a CA wedding party And I was not asked to pay for the shower. I flew out there for the shower but that is all they wanted me to do. MOB would not let me pay for the shower. And One of my BM was not going to make it to the shower and was not asked to chip in fo rmy shower.

jeanla4c Posted: Mar 25, 2005 10:52 AM

Re: OOT BM & NY Shower $ w/POLL

I have been an OOT BM in a few NY weddings/showers. I was always asked to contribute a little. It was never much but I always did. Last time after I contributed the MOH felt horrible realizing I was flying home, etc and offered to give my $ back. I didn't let her. Dont know if I have a big feeling on this one way or another, this is just what my experience has been.